An Arbitrary Disaster
by 14faraday
Summary: There is more to the Carlin's move to LA than just new job opportunities. All they want is to start a new life. With Ashley suffering from serious problems of her own, will the two girls be able to help each other? Or will life knock them down again?
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my second SON attempt. It is going to be fairly dark in comparison to my first just as a heads up. I hope you like it, and I will do my best to update within a reasonable time frame. Oh, and I own nothing belonging to South of Nowhere. Reviews are appreciated.

"Now remember Spence, if you need anything at all today…"

"Remind me one more time and Glen I swear to give you a swift kick to the shins."

Clay smirks at his siblings, "Why don't we leave the office and get to class? I don't think being late is a good way to start off at a new school."

"Sounds like a plan," Spencer says relieved. Her brothers have not left her side since entering the building, and while understanding and appreciating it, it still gets annoying.

Both Carlin boys step forward to hug their sister and both Carlin boys stop when she tenses. They don't say anything; they just accept her apologetic smile and give smiles of their own. She doesn't say anymore, choosing to leave the office and get this day over with as quickly as possible. Glen and Clay fight the urge to follow her to her classroom door, instead going their separate ways as they start their first day at King High. As they truly start their lives in California. As they start trying to move on from Ohio.

"Ashley Davies. Why am I not surprised?" Mrs. Snyder asks as the brunette enters the office.

"Depends on what you are not surprised about," Ashley says with a cheeky grin.

"You are lucky I like you for some reason. And that Principal Bell doesn't leave his office very often," the secretary says while writing an excused tardy slip.

"I am aware of how lucky I am, and I promise not to abuse my luck. Too much."

"So what's the real reason this time?"

Ashley slips off her glasses and squints blood-shot eyes at the artificial lighting, "Mommy dearest and I had another fight last night."

Mrs. Snyder nods her head, needing no further explanation after knowing the Davies girl for three years. "Here's your slip, now get to class. This is your senior year, and I am not going to keep helping you slack off."

Ashley flashes her famous smile and walks backwards out of the office, "I'll see you later."

"English first period. I shouldn't be surprised," Spencer mutters to herself while standing outside the door. She failed her brother and didn't make it through the door before the bell rang, but she wasn't that concerned.

"Interesting, I never thought about trying to learn through a door before. How's it working for you?"

Spencer whirls around and takes half a step back, "Huh?"

The brunette smirks, "I asked if you are able to learn by standing this side of the classroom. If it works, it would make my life more enjoyable. Mrs. Griffith is a bit of a bitch."

Spencer manages a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, "Oh, yeah, uh, first day jitters."

"I thought so, but I wasn't sure. This is a big school and I am not known for attendance. Or for being particularly aware of my surroundings," the girl smiles, "I'm Ashley."

"Spencer."

"Nice to meet you," she responds with her most flirty smile. "Now, if you wanna chill out in the hall, be my guest, but Mrs. Snyder will kill me if I skip class again."

Spencer frowns, "Isn't that the secretary?"

"You would be correct." Ashley shrugs, "Her and I have an understanding."

Spencer wanted to ask more but held back. Instead she turned around and placed her shaking hand on the doorknob.

"You weren't kidding about those first day jitters," Ashley chuckled.

Spencer shrugged meekly, "Yeah, well, this school is a little bigger than my last one."

The brunette just nodded her head and waited for the new girl to open the door. Although she would be perfectly fine standing out in the hall with the attractive blonde talking a while longer, she wasn't kidding when she said Snyder would kill her for skipping class again.

Spencer finally opens the door to English 12 ten minutes late. All eyes turn to her and she started to second guess waiting in the hall for so long. Ashley sauntered in behind her and placed her tardy slip on the teacher's desk then proceeded to her seat without a word.

"You would be Carlin?" Mrs. Griffith said in her smoker's voice.

"Yes. I'm Spencer," the Ohio native says timidly.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up. You lucked out by being late though, I was going to have to introduce yourself, but seeing as how we are in the middle of the lesson now you can just take an open seat. If you care about catching up you will pick the one next to Chelsea," a pretty black girl smiles and points to herself.

Spencer nods her head and takes the available seat. She notices Ashley watching her from the back row and chooses to ignore the subtle hint to the empty desk next to the brunette.

"Now that the excitement is over, we will be continuing our discussion of _Lord of the Flies_. Now, can anyone tell me who the character Simon represents?"

A couple of hands flew up while Chelsea turned, "Have you read this?"  
"Uh, yeah, but not for class."

"A reader for fun, I didn't know they still existed. Well, we just finished it today, which means we will discuss it and then she will give out a writing assignment at the end of the class and it will be due in two days. Usually she gives us something like, write a diary entry from so-an-so's point of view during such-and-such event. It isn't too bad and typically only a page long."

"Doesn't sound so bad," Spencer agreed.

"Those were all fine answers, but they were all wrong," Mrs. Griffith said, "Simon represents Jesus. He is the moral…"

Spencer tuned out and stared blankly at the chalkboard. She really didn't really feel like hearing about Jesus right now, even if it was from a literary stand-point. As far as she's concerned Jesus is a myth. If her mother knew that's what the older woman would flip. It's really funny how differently people respond to the same event. Her faith was destroyed while her mother's intensified.

Ashley kept her eyes on the new blonde for most of the class. She was attracted to the girl to say the least. It had been a while since she had fresh-meat at school and was looking forward to the task of seduction. She got a little bit of a hit on her gaydar out in the hall, which is all the opening she needs.

Class ends, and like Chelsea said there was a writing assignment involved. Write one page from Ralph's point of view after Piggy dies. Nothing too complicated and Spencer assured her teacher she would be able to get it done and wouldn't need an alternative assignment. She looked at her schedule closely for the first time as she stood in the hallway, "Spanish, Government…" the paper was suddenly out of her hand and in that of Ashley's.

"Lucky me, we have PE and Psych together too," she gave another flirty smile and took a little step closer to the blonde, frowning when the blonde immediately stepped back looking cornered.

"Umm, cool, I will see you then," and with that Spencer was hurrying down the hall in what she hoped was the right direction. Ashley just stood there, baffled by what just happened.

The next two hours drug by for Spencer, and yet she would have been ok with them taking longer. Her next class is PE, and she has no desire to attend. She considers pretending to be lost and arriving so late she doesn't have to dress out, but doesn't want to draw the attention to herself of showing up late again. And skipping altogether will get back to her parents, which would not be of the good. So she trudges down the hall to the gym, bag of clothes tossed over her shoulder.

Ashley immediately noticed when the Ohio girl entered the locker room and made her way over, "You made it."

Spencer jumped a little and turned her back to the brunette while she took her clothes out of her bag, "Yeah." She didn't say anything else, just walked to a stall and locked the door to change in private. Ashley frowns again and walks over to her best friend.

"Hey slut."

"Bitch."

Ashley smiles and sits next to the Latina, "Have you seen the new girl?"

"No, and I don't like that look on your face. You couldn't have known this girl for more than five minutes and already you want to fuck her."

"Madison! It is called making love."

Madison rolls her green eyes and starts to leave the locker room, "Really Ash, keep it in your pants."

"But what fun would that be?"

"How about it would drastically decrease your chance of getting an STD? Seriously chica, you are lucky with as many partners as you've had."

Ashley rolls her eyes at the familiar argument and starts stretching as she spots Spencer entering the gym, making sure to put extra emphasis on her…assets. But the blonde doesn't even notice and Ashley feels like pouting. Flirting is not supposed to be this hard. She hears Madison chuckling beside her and shoots a dirty look before the gym teacher starts yelling like a drill sergeant what's in store for the day. Circuits. Joy.

When the coach finally blows the whistle at the end of the period Spencer feels like she is going to pass out. She takes comfort in noticing she isn't the only one looking beaten down and contemplates crawling to the locker room. She sees Ashley out of the corner of her eye coming over to her, jogging which helps Spencer make up her mind that she really doesn't like the brunette.

"I'm sure that was just the first day of PE you wanted to have."

"Oh yeah, it was perfect in so many ways," Spencer replies sarcastically without making eye-contact.

Ashley smiles a little, "I wouldn't go that far, but today was better than last class."

Spencer looked panicked, "Today wasn't as bad as yesterday?"

"We ran more today than we normally do, it must be that time for Mrs. Crabtree. I meant today was better 'cause I had you to distract me."

Spencer fidgets uncomfortably, "Oh. I'm just gonna change."

Madison comes up behind Ashley, "I think you've lost your touch."

Ashley scowls, "I haven't lost anything, she's just…I don't know, immune."

"Maybe you need to reboot your gaydar?"

"It's not that either. Now come on, we're gonna be late for Pre-Calc, and we need to make sure we get seats near Kyla. Last class I made it to there was a pop quiz and I wasn't sitting by anyone smart."

"You could try studying, or, making it to class more often so you don't have to cheat off your sister all the time."

"Madison, you're funny."

* * *

Lunch rolls around and Spencer refuses to admit she's glad her parents were able to convince the school to make sure she had the same lunch time as her brothers. She would probably be bringing her tray into the bathroom if they didn't. Instead she sits between her brothers at a lunch table with some jock, his girlfriend, Madison and none other than Ashley. She tries to hide as best she can, listening to Glen and the jock talk about basketball. She is pretty sure that any second now they are going to challenge each other to a duel.

"Good to know Aiden isn't the only guy incapable of interesting conversation," his girlfriend says with a smile.

The comment was directed at Spencer, but Clay responded, "My brother is only capable of sustaining a conversation if it is about basketball, girls, and himself."

"I am sitting right next to you man," Glen whines while throwing a French fry.

Chuckles are heard around the table before Ashley asks, "So you are all siblings?"

Clay nods his head, expecting this question, "I was adopted when I was eight, I'm a Carlin."

"Unfortunately. And Spence and I are twins, obviously not identical seeing as how I am the better looking one."

Spencer throws a french fry of her own while Ashley speaks up, "I would have to disagree with you on that one."

"Forgive my sister, she is a habitual flirt, even when it isn't welcome," the girlfriend tells Spencer when she sees how uncomfortable she looks.

"Kyla, I am not a … ok so I may flirt a bit," Ashley concedes when her friends all look at her in disbelief.

"Don't worry about it," Glen covers, "Spence is just a little on the shy side."

"No kidding," Ashley mumbles, earning an elbow to the gut from Madison.

The bell rings and in near unison the courtyard grabs their trays and trudges away to class. Clay and Glen hang back a second, wanting a private word with their sister.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine guys," Spencer says with the best smile she can muster.

"If you need to leave early, mom and dad said that would be fine," Clay reminded her.

"Really guys, I can make it seven hours without falling apart." They nod their heads and flank her as they deposit their trays and leave for class.

Spencer enters her last class of the day feeling exhausted, and the feeling intensifies when she spots a familiar brunette sitting in the corner with an empty desk beside her. The only empty desk to be exact. "I need to get these halls down so I can quit being the last one to class," she mutters while making her way over.

"I remembered we had this class together so thought I would save you a seat."

Spencer almost feels like laughing at the pride in Ashley's voice, "Thanks."

"So what made you decide on psych? I'm taking it in the hopes of being able to fuck with my shrink," Ashley whispers with a grin.

"You have a shrink too?" Spencer asks before she can stop herself.

"Too?"

Spencer looks away and pretends to be focused on their teacher. Ashley lets it go with a shrug; some people don't like admitting they go to a therapist. She notices that Spencer takes diligent notes and decides to make sure she doesn't push the girl away so she can have something to study come test time. When the bell rings to signal the day's end Ashley notices Spencer isn't in the traditional rush to get out of school as fast as possible. Instead she seems to be taking her time.

"Not in a hurry?"

"Oh, um, why deal with the crowds of people if you don't have to? Glen has basketball practice and Clay has some club for the intelligent, so…" she finishes with a shrug.

Ashley grins at the opportunity, "I could give you a ride home."

Spencer immediately shakes her head no, "Thanks, but I really need to wait for Glen."

Ashley uses her most seductive voice, "Come on, I could show you La La Land. It would be fun."

Spencer shakes her head again, this time more vigorously, "I can't." She makes her way out of the class but pauses in the doorway, "But thanks."

Ashley frowns for what she feels is the thousandth time that day. Shy didn't seem cover it.


	2. Chapter 2

So, this was a bit of an extreme delay in updates and I apologize to those of you who read the first chapter, but I have had several stressors lately and finally found the inspiration to write. I hope you like this, it may seem a little slow but I don't want to rush the relationship and maybe create just a little bit more suspense about what exactly happened to our favorite blonde. Read and Review if you are so inclined

I own nothing despite my best efforts

Spencer enters the gym and goes to take a seat in the bleachers, pulling out a notepad to write her English assignment. As she sits down she catches Glen's eye and she sees his shoulders relax before sinking a three-pointer. She looks down at her paper, willing some inspiration to come to her. Writing used to be so easy for her. She had notebooks upon notebooks full of poems, short stories and even a song or two. But lately the writer's block was impenetrable. She had been hoping this only applied to personal writing, being unable to pound out a one page assignment is kind of embarrassing.

Ashley stands in the hallway feeling like a creeper. She followed the blonde to the gym and continued to watch as she stared blankly at her notebook, pen hanging loosely in her hand. She felt torn. She wanted to go in and talk to the skittish girl, to try and earn a smile with her charm, but she could sense that their interaction would probably not go her way. She also had a personal rule about being in the building any longer than she had to. So with one last glance she turned and left.

As the brunette pulled out of the lot in her black Porsche her phone went off. She glanced at the ID and smiled, "Hello lover, what's up?"

"Crystal and Josh have made up so I thought we should take this golden opportunity to actually practice," came the response.

Ashley smiled widely and performed a highly illegal u-turn, "I will be there in fifteen."

The brunette entered the bar and headed straight for the back.

"Ashley Davies, is it too much to ask for a hey, how you doing?"

Ashley turned around, "Hey Jamie, how you doing?"

The older woman smirked, "I let you use my back room for band practice and this is the attitude I get?"

"You know I appreciate all that you have done for us, but there is no guarantee practice is going to last so I want to get back there as soon as possible."

"Josh and Crystal made up?" Jamie questioned.

"Yeah, but I think it was like an hour ago so the clock is ticking before the next fight."

"Fine, go, be a rock star."

Ashley smiled one last time before entering the back of Gray's. She was greeted by her band mates briefly before they went back to setting up. She sauntered over to her guitar case and stroked it lovingly. For all the things she could care less about, music was the one thing that truly meant something to her. She started this band nearly a year ago now, and honestly believed that they had a shot at doing something more than local venues. They were a long ways from being great, but she saw the potential, and she at least had the drive to see this through.

"Bout time you showed up," a blonde-haired boy teased as he approached.

"Shut up Logan. I am pretty sure I will be getting at least three tickets in the mail for running red lights." She went up to the mic and closed her eyes, imagining she was standing in a packed stadium. When the picture was placed firmly in her mind she struck the first chord.

* * *

Glen jogged up to sit next to his sister, sweat still dripping down his body. "Wow, you sure were productive," he teased.

She looked down guiltily at her paper, the only thing written on it the title of the assignment, "Yeah, well, how can anyone think with all the noise in here."

He smirked and ruffled up her hair, "Clay should be here soon, then I'll shower and we can get home for some food, I am starving."

"You're always starving."

"It happens when you're a stud on and off the court," he shrugged.

She rolled her eyes at her brother, "You're ego is the only thing bigger than your stomach."

As Glen opened his mouth for a witty comeback the door to the gym opened and the last Carlin child entered. Clay was grinning from ear to ear and the twins looked at each other with eyebrows raised. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"I know that look," Spencer said with a slight smile. "That's the 'I met a hot girl' smile."

While Glen was nodding his head in agreement Clay shot both of them a look, but failed to wipe the smile from his face, "I can't be smiling because I had a good first day? You two are so obsessed with girls that you are projecting your hopes onto me."

The twins looked at each other, "He definitely met a girl," they said in unison.

"Maybe I did," he conceded, "but I am not going to introduce her to you guys. You will just scare her off and don't pretend you wouldn't." Neither blonde argues with this.

"I am going to hit the showers, I will be back out in a couple of minutes," Glen says while jumping off the bleachers.

"Be careful Glen, you are going to break something and blow your only chance at college!" Spencer called after him, but he just waved her off.

It was Clay's turn to sit next to his sister, "So how was your first day?"

"Fine. This school is a lot bigger than back home, but I will manage."

Clay surveyed his sister a minute before talking again, "Yeah, definitely bigger. But I like the classes. There are a lot more opportunities for AP classes here."

"Figures the thing that you would be excited about is classes," Spencer shakes her head.

"You and Glen can mock me all you want; I will be laughing the whole time I write to you from Yale."

It wasn't much longer before Glen came back and the three made their way to their new home.

The children entered the Carlin home and were immediately greeted by their parents. Spencer tried not to roll her eyes at their waiting by the door. They both were all smiles and gave each child a brief hug asking how the first day went. Spencer gave short answers while her brothers took up the task of telling their parents what King High was like. The family made their way into the dining room where a spaghetti feast was waiting for them.

"Smells great Dad," Spencer said with a slight smile.

"Thought it was the perfect thing to celebrate a good first day," Arthur told them as they took their respected seats.

Glen looked at his Dad, "What if we had come home and said today sucked?"

"That is the beauty of spaghetti; it is both a celebration and comfort food." The clan shared a short laugh before joining hands and saying grace and digging in.

Spencer woke up from her own scream in a cold sweat. She took a calming breath and reached for the water next to her bed. She glances at the clock noting it is 3 a.m. and gives a sigh, feeling guilty that her restless nights have to affect her whole family. They don't come to check on her anymore nor do they ask about it in the morning, but it isn't because they quit waking up. She returns her cup and rolls over, hoping tonight is one of those precious nights she can fall back asleep.

* * *

Sunlight streams through the giant bay window, causing Ashley to roll over and bury deeper into the covers. Morning is not her thing, but before she can drift back to sleep something kind of hard lands on her head. She whips off her sheet and glares at her door, where her sister is standing smiling innocently.

"Oh good you're up, I was hoping you could give me a ride to school today, Aiden had to be there early."

Ashley looks at her sister in disbelief, "You woke me up, by throwing something at me, just to solicit a ride?"

"I threw a slipped at you in case you were wondering. And you are my big sister, it's what you are supposed to do," Kyla replied sweetly, stepping to the side so the slipper sailed past her.

Ashley flopped back down on the bed, "Fine, but you are buying me coffee."

"I already have exact change out. Be ready in thirty minutes."

Ashley enters King High on time and decides to make Mrs. Snyder aware of this. As she makes her way to the main office, double mocha in hand, she is sidetracked by the entrance of a certain blonde. She immediately changes direction and greets the girl with a smile.

"So you survived and are ready for round two I see."

Spencer looked up surprised, "Yeah."

Ashley could feel an awkward silence coming on and racked her brain for anything to say, "Why don't I take you to English, I know you want to get a seat next to Chelsea again."

Spencer smiled slightly and nodded her head, "Ok, thanks, I'm not sure I could find the room in time. I need to stop by my locker first though."

"No problem. Mrs. Griffith will have a heart attack seeing me in class before the bell rings, which should provide me with enough entertainment to last the day."

Spencer didn't say any more, just headed towards where she thought her locker was, sure that Ashley would follow. The brunette quickly caught up to walk next to the new student, "You don't talk much, do you?"

Spencer blushed slightly, "Not so much, no."

Ashley looked at the girl next to her, trying to figure out what was going on beneath the surface. She noticed the girl looked absolutely exhausted, and the makeup didn't quite cover up the dark circles under her eyes. She held out her mocha, "It has magical powers that will help you wake up. And make you feel better in general."

Spencer looked at the drink for a second and looked like she wanted to say yes, "Thanks, but I'm good."

"You sure, I promise I don't have cooties if that's what you are worried about."

Spencer shook her head and stopped in front of her locker, "I'm good."

Ashley let it go and took a drink herself. She was slightly miffed that the girl didn't take her offer; sharing coffee isn't something Ashley does very often.

The day goes by much the same as the day before for Spencer. Dull classes she can't quite get herself to truly invest in. Her brothers finding her between most classes to make sure that she is doing ok. And a certain brunette popping up a third of the time blatantly flirting with her. Spencer wishes that Ashley would stop. She can't deal with that right now. So for the day she ignored Ashley when she could and was polite and brief when she couldn't. 'Basically I treat her just like everyone else,' Spencer thought to herself wryly at one point. But it didn't seem to deter her admirer, which bothered her even more.

In Psych that day Ashley had saved the blonde a seat yet again, "So, what kind of music do you like?"

Spencer looked at her apprehensively, "I like most music."

Ashley rolls her eyes, "Everyone says that. Seriously, what kind of music do you like?"

"I guess most of the stuff I have would be classified in the pop/rock or alternative rock group. I like Country and Rap less than other types."

Ashley flashes a nose-crinkling smile, "Perfect! See, I happen to be in this pretty kick-ass band that happens to fall into your preferred music category. It also happens that we are performing this weekend at Gray's, you should come. I could probably even get you on the list so you don't have to pay cover."

Spencer shakes her head no vigorously, "I can't."

"Come on, I'm sure you get good enough grades your parents wouldn't mind if you went to a concert. And Gray's is open to all ages because it is geared towards the high schoolers. So come on, come see me and my band."

"I really can't," Spencer says a little more forcefully.

"Why not?" Ashley demanded. She couldn't understand what this girl's problem was; it isn't like she asked her out on a date.

"I don't like being around so many people," Spencer said stiffly.

Ashley nodded her head and turned to the front of the class. They didn't talk again. When the bell rang Ashley just left, not liking the feeling of rejection. Why else would Spencer give such a lame excuse than she was trying to blow Ashley off? Before reaching her locker she passed who she recognized as Spencer's twin.

"Glen, right?"

The blonde boy turned around, "Yeah?" He spots Ashley and smiles, eyeing her up slightly, "What's up?"

"I was wondering….I was wondering if you and your brother and sister would be interested in a little concert this weekend. My band is playing at Gray's and I could probably get you guys in cover-free."

His smile grew, "That would be sweet! I am definitely in, and Clay will probably come. Spencer," his smile falters, "she'll probably stay home and study or something. I know she wants to keep herself from falling behind in any classes since we just moved here."

Ashley nodded her head, "Ok, guess I will see you two there then." She turned and left, going over what just happened. Maybe Spencer wasn't blowing her off; maybe she really didn't like crowds. It's not like she had the chance to tell her brother to say what he did. Shaking her head clear she climbed into her Porsche and headed to Gray's for practice. When she enters she notices that Jamie is in her office yelling at someone, so stealthily sneaks behind the bar for a bottle of Jack. She takes a swig before slipping it in her bag and heading into the back room.

The next day Ashley spotted Spencer entering the building and walked over to her. She held out a Frappuccino, "Sorry, no hot stuff today, but caffeine is caffeine."

Spencer looked at the sealed bottle and debated, she was exhausted. Slowly she reached out and took it, "Thanks. Glen refuses to leave the house earlier than he has to, and I am the only coffee drinker."

Ashley smiled at her small triumph and said with a wink, "I can always spot another caffeine addict."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: It took me a little while to get the first scene just right, and it may not be quite there, but it works. Enjoy and please R&R. I own nothing despite my best efforts.

"So your first week at King High went well?"

Spencer nodded her head, not taking her eyes off of the floor, "Yeah. I mean I survived."

"Surviving is a good way to start. Did you have any anxiety attacks this week?"

"Nothing major, just the normal freak-outs when I am around people or they are paying attention to me."

"I am glad to hear that nothing major happened, but could you elaborate what you mean by the usual?"

Spencer finally looked at Dr. Martin, her new psychiatrist, "I had a hard time going into my English classroom the first day. My hand just froze halfway to the handle. I snapped out of it when Ashley showed up. I avoid people when they try to talk to me one on one because it freaks me out. I feel anxious when people pay attention to me," she ends with a shrug.

"Alright, can you give me an example of a time when you had a major freak-out?"

"Why?"

"I need to get to know you, how your mind works. This is only our second session; I need to understand how you process things if I am going to help you."

"Alright, I had a major freak-out in the airport the day we left Ohio. I was going to the bathroom before boarding the plane and I assured my family that I would be fine for five minutes on my own. As I was leaving some janitor guy came up and tried to talk to me. I tried to ignore him, but he kept talking and I freaked. I started sweating, and I guess I screamed at him to leave me alone and I started crying. My family rushed over, Glen stood between me and the guy while my parents tried to calm me down."

"Was there anything in particular about the man that made you react like that?"

Spencer thought back, "I don't think so. He just came up behind me and started talking to me. I don't even remember what he said."

Dr. Martin made a note in Spencer's file before asking her next question, "Are you making any friends?"

Spencer let out a sigh, "I guess. There are some people I sit next to in class and eat lunch with. But mostly I sit with them because that's where Glen and Clay sit."

"Do you at least kind of like the other people you sit with?"

"I like Chelsea, we have AP English together. She's pretty nice, and she doesn't make me feel awkward to be around. At lunch, I like those people well enough. Aiden mostly just talks to Glen about sports. Kyla tries to include me in the talks but doesn't force it. Madison mostly ignores me, which I kind of prefer. And then Ashley…"

"Ashley?"

"She's a girl I have a few classes with," Spencer replies uncomfortably.

"And you don't like her?"

"It's not that, she just, won't leave me alone and I don't like it."

"She's harassing you?"

"Well…sort of. She would call it flirting I am pretty sure."

Dr. Martin couldn't help the slight smile, "But you don't like her flirting?"

Spencer shook her head, "I don't want the attention. I don't like that she is so interested in me."

"So, if she would have flirted with you, say, back in Ohio, would it still bother you?"

"Probably not," Spencer answered honestly. But I am not that same person I was back in Ohio, and I never will be."

There was a silence as Dr. Martin tried to find the best words for her patient, "Spencer, you went through something horrendous, no one expects you to suddenly be that same girl from Ohio. You may not be that same girl, but you don't have to be _this_ girl either. I am here for you to talk to, about anything, but I would like to talk about what happened to you. I want to help you."

Spencer snorted, "Right. You want to help me so my parents can keep sending that outrageous check every couple of weeks."

Dr. Martin raises an eyebrow, "Really, that's the best you can do to deflect?"

Spencer rolls her eyes and gets off of the leather couch, "I'm not ready to talk about it. It was hard enough telling the police, I don't want to relive it again."

"Alright, we don't have to talk about that right now, but I believe it will go a long way to helping you cope if you open up to someone. And while opening at all will be good, I can help you find other ways to start coping, healthier ways," her eyes linger on Spencer's long sleeves.

"What?" Spencer asks defensively.

Dr. Martin smiles sadly, "I have been doing this for a while, and it is way too hot outside to be wearing long sleeves."

"I came from Ohio, this is what I have for clothes," Spencer answered stiffly.

"One of these days you are going to start being honest with me, and that's when things are going to start getting better."

Spencer scoffs, "Get better?"

"It is going to take a hell of a lot of work, and things will never go back to how they were, but things can get better. You just have to be willing for that to happen. For starters, you can try to start trusting people again. If you can't bring yourself to trust at least those closest to you, you will just drive them away."

"Like Jess," Spencer says sadly.

Dr. Martin pauses for a second, "Jess, your girlfriend?"

Spencer nods her head, "After…afterwards I couldn't even trust her. I…I know I hurt her when I wouldn't let her get close again, but she still sends me emails and calls me, checks up on me."

"Do you answer her emails and her calls?"

"Sometimes, I do miss talking to her; she was my best friend too." Spencer laughs without humor, "I actually talk to her more now that I've left Ohio than I did over the summer."

"Why do you think that is?"

"The distance. I can deal with the long distance attention."

"I think that's a good place to stop. I will see you next Friday."

* * *

"Damn Ash, girls need to reject you more often."

"I have not been rejected Logan," Ashley tells him as she wipes the sweat from her forehead.

Logan rolls his eyes, "Well whatever it is that has gotten you so pissy sure has improved your guitar skills. You owned that song."

"I always own when I play," Ashley smirks. "It would have been better if the rest of our band actually showed up for practice. We do have a performance tonight after all."

Logan shrugs and runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair, "I am sure they are just running a little late. Josh and Crystal are probably having make-up sex right now and Jake just likes to piss you off."

Ashley places her guitar lovingly in its case and takes a seat on the stage. She looks around for Jamie, and sure that the coast is clear, pulls out a nearly empty bottle of tequila. She holds it out to Logan, who shakes his head, before taking a swig. She pulls a face after but brings the bottle back up to her lips none-the-less.

"Really Ash, I thought you were taking tonight seriously?"

She rolls her eyes, "A couple of shots a few hours before we perform is not going to hurt my performance in the slightest."

He quickly grabs the bottle from her before she takes another drink, "Well, that was a couple, I will hold onto this until after the show."

"You've been talking to Madison," Ashley accused.

"No, but now I think I might if she is as worried as I am about your…habits."

Ashley stands up and narrows her eyes, "I'm fine Logan. So I let loose sometimes, it's not like I have done anything major."

Logan looks her dead in the eyes, "I think your definition of major and mine might be a little different."

"This is bullshit Logan! I thought you were my friend, why the hell are you acting like this?"

"I think you answered your own question. I am your friend and every month I see you slip further and further down a path that isn't going anywhere good. And apparently I am not the only one who sees this."

Ashley grabs her keys and marches out of the bar, "I'll be back for sound check."

* * *

Spencer hears a knock at her bedroom door and contemplates feigning sleep. She decides against it and opens to door to find her twin, "What's up Glen?"

"I was just double checking that you didn't want to come out tonight. I've heard that Ashley's band is actually pretty good."

"I think I'll pass. The crowded bar just doesn't sound like a good idea tonight."

He nods his head, not expecting anything different, "You think I got a shot with her?"

Spencer frowns, trying to figure out what her brother is talking about, "Ashley?"

"Yeah, know any other hot brunettes?"

Spencer can't help the smile at her brother's expense, "No, no chance in hell."

Glen looks hurt, "What? Come on she's hot, I'm hot, it'd be hot!"

"Yeah. Look, Glen, it is never going to happen unless you've been lying about being a guy all these years."

He frowns, going over everything in his head, "Come on, that's not fair! She's batting for your team?"

"'Fraid so."

"Damn." His face suddenly lights up, "But I think there's some other chick in her band, bet she won't be able to resist me."

"You are utterly hopeless."

The taller twin shrugs and starts to walk away, "Later Spence."

* * *

Ashley looks at the busy club and realizes she is shaking with excitement. This is only the second time her band has performed for an audience, and she can feel so many emotions going through her. This is all she has ever wanted to do. Her Dad was quite the rock star, and she can't think of a better career. She turns to her band and sees that they look pumped, and a little sick.

"Jamie told me that if anyone pukes on stage, we have to clean it up," Ashley informs them.

"I had the flu!" Josh whines while the others laugh.

"Poor baby," Crystal teases him playfully.

Jamie comes backstage and gives them an encouraging smile, "Alright guys, this is it, get out there and earn your money."

Ashley lifts up her chin and struts onto the stage oozing all the confidence she can, being naturally arrogant comes in handy at times like these. She waits while her band gets situated then turns to the crowd, "Hey everyone! My name is Ashley and I am about to rock your world. I will be assisted on drums by my man Logan, Crystal will be dominating on lead guitar, Josh on bass and Jake on keyboard. We are An Arbitrary Disaster and this is the moment your life changes."

* * *

After the show Ashley is sitting at the bar getting congratulations from the different audience members. She recognizes the next pair and gives them a flirty smile, "You boys enjoy the show?"

Glen returns the smile, then frowns when he remembers what his sister told him about the brunette. Clay answers for them, "You were amazing. I would definitely be willing to spend money on an album or something."

Ashley can't help the slight blush at the compliment, "Thanks. I'm glad you guys came out. Spencer change her mind?" she asks hopefully.

Glen shook his head, "Sorry, she decided to stay and do homework."

"That's too bad," Ashley grumbles, not really expecting the blonde to change her mind, but hoping nonetheless.

Clay and Glen shared a brief look before Glen began talking carefully, "You like my sister, don't you?"

Ashley stares at the two brothers and contemplates the possible consequences to her different answers, "Yes, I like her."

"I think it would be in your best interest to stop that."

Ashley stood up and stands toe to toe with the blonde boy, "Is that a threat?"

Clay intervenes, not wanting to cause a scene, "No, that's not what Glen is doing. Spencer…"

"What? Isn't gay?" Ashley demands, having dealt with relatives not open to the idea before.

"Not what I was going to say," Clay tells her calmly, "Spencer is not looking for a relationship right now, and it would be best for all involved if you didn't pursue her."

Ashley stared at the Carlin boys for a minute, no response coming to mind. She had the distinct feeling that they were talking around something. At any rate she decided that the entire Carlin clan is a little off. It's also a knee jerk reaction to view this as a challenge which makes her want to double her efforts. Finally she comes up with something worth saying, "I think I will let her tell me whether or not she is interested."

Glen and Clay don't say anything else besides a "see you later" and leave. Ashley turns back to the bar and casually reaches over and grabs a bottle and a shot glass. She pours and takes one quickly but has to put it back when Jamie comes out of her office. Ashley is disturbed by a tap on her shoulder and smiles when a cute red-head she noticed during the concert is standing behind her. Ashley doesn't say anything; she just grabs the girls hand and heads to the backroom.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all of you who have read, and extra thanks to those you have reviewed. I hope you enjoy this, I actually rewrote this chapter multiple times before liking it, now I hope you enjoy it.

As always I own nothing despite my best effort.

"Good to know something has stayed the same," Spencer mumbles as she turns off her alarm clock. "Waking up Monday morning still sucks." She rolls out of bed and trudges into her bathroom. Looking in the mirror causes her to scowl more, the dark circles under her eyes are worse than ever. She turns on the shower and grabs her toothbrush while it heats up. When she sees steam she rinses out her mouth and strips quickly. She stands under the scalding water, letting it beat and burn her skin. She never used to take long showers. In fact, Spencer prided herself in being able to get ready in under 30 minutes. That isn't the case anymore. She has to scrub her skin multiple times and wash her hair at least twice. By the time she finishes the water is cold, soothing her red skin.

She throws on a pair of jeans and a long tee before heading downstairs. Her father has made pancakes and even she can't help but smile. She sits at the table and her dad places an overfull plate in front of her. As she digs in he goes to kiss her head and she flinches away. Spencer looks away and sets down her fork.

"You really should eat, honey," Arthur says lovingly.

Spencer looks at her father, guilt written all over her features, "I'm sorry Dad, I'm not hungry anymore."

"More for me then," he smiles weakly while taking a bite from her plate.

Glen comes swaggering into the room, "First game of the season today. Time to show the scouts around here who the all-star of King High really is."

Spencer rolls her eyes, "When you find a pin sharp enough to deflate his ego, let me know." Glen just smirks and starts piling pancakes onto his plate.

The Carlin clan steps out of the car into the King High lot and Spencer notices her brother looking at his jock friends then back at her. She nudges him in the shoulder, "Go, I think I can make it to the door in one piece." Glen hesitates which causes Spencer to outright shove him. He leaves, but casts a few glances back before reaching the popular group. Spencer and Clay both gag when Sherry wraps her arms around Glen's neck and gives him a kiss.

Spencer drops off what she doesn't need at her locker and shuts her locker only to come face to face with Madison Duarte. Spencer drops her books in surprise and Madison stares at her with mild interest as she bends to pick them up, "Hey Madison."

"Has Ashley annoyed you yet?"

"No," Spencer straightens and looks at the Latina curiously, "Why?"

Madison scowls, "If she is skipping today I am going to kick her ass." Spencer opens her mouth to ask more but Madison is already gone, furiously punching the keys on her phone.

Spencer enters her English class still a little confused and takes the empty desk next to Chelsea, "Hey," she says quietly.

Chelsea looks at her and gives a warm smile, "Hey, have a good weekend?"

The blonde shrugs, "It was a weekend. Yours?"

"Really good. One of my pieces got selected for an art show of local artists next month," the girl beams.

Spencer truly feels happy for the girl who is turning into her friend, "That's amazing! Congratulations."

"Thanks. I am hoping that this will help me get accepted into a couple of good Art schools."

"Alright class," Mrs. Griffith said, "that was the bell which means be quiet or get out."

Spencer takes out her pen and paper and starts to take notes on their next reading assignment, _Of Mice and Men_. Another book she has already read, but she decided not to bring it up. Her paper on _Lord of the Flies_ didn't get as good of a grade as she felt she would have had she not let it slip she already read it. Class comes to an end and she notes that Ashley never showed up for class.

When she enters the locker room before P.E. she spots Madison standing alone. She contemplates going up and asking what is up with Ashley, but decides against, opting to go into a bathroom stall to dress out.

As she finishes getting changed she overhears Madison angry voice echoing in the now empty locker room, "Listen Ash, you cannot pull this crap this year. If you want to graduate you need to get your hungover ass out of bed and to the school. You can still make half the day." Spencer feels guilty about continuing to eavesdrop, but leaving the stall seems like it would make things awkward. "Bullshit you aren't sick. Ok, fine maybe you are sick, but it's because of all the shit you put in your body over the weekend. Now, you are going to be here for Pre-Calc or so help my chica I am going to kick your sorry ass."

Spencer hears the phone snap shut and waits until she hears the door to the gym swing open before leaving the stall. She can't explain why she found that conversation so interesting; she usually tries so hard not to eavesdrop on other people. She supposes she isn't surprised that Ashley is a partier, but she also can't help but feel a little disappointed in that nonetheless.

* * *

Ashley steps out of her Porsche and slowly makes her way to the school. Her head is pounding and she feels a little sick her to her stomach, but she believed Madison's threat. She brings her mocha up to her lips and prays that caffeine can work its magic on her head. She doesn't remove her sunglasses when she gets inside, if anything the florescent lights are worse than the sun. She pushes open the door to the office and Mrs. Snyder looks up then frowns.

"Well you look lovely," comes the greeting, but Ashley isn't in the mood.

"I'm here, what more do you want? Can I just get a pass so I can get this day over with as quickly as possible?"

Mrs. Snyder pulls out a pink slip and starts filling it out, "And why are you so late today?"

"Sick."

The secretary laughs, "Right, and whose fault is that?"

Ashley slips her sunglasses off to give the older woman a glare, then decides it isn't worth it and slips them back on, "I got carried away this weekend, big deal."

Mrs. Snyder holds out the slip of paper, "Ashley, you really need to start taking better care of yourself." The brunette doesn't respond, she just takes the paper and leaves, already fantasizing about getting home and sleeping until the next day.

Ashley ignores the look Madison gives as she enters her Pre-Calc class. She notices her sister shaking her head and the disappointed eyes Aiden levels at her. She seriously considers leaving, but decides against it when Mr. Wilson tells her to take her seat. She goes to the corner in the back of the class and lays her head down; she's here, what more does everyone want?

Ashley slips in her headphones before entering the cafeteria. She works through the lines, feeling sick just looking at the different kinds of slop the school is trying to pass off as food. She doesn't even thinking as her feet carry her to her usual table, sitting down without looking at anyone. The Carlins share curious glances at the unusually solemn brunette.

"Whatcha listening to?" Clay asks conversationally.

When Kyla recognizes that Ashley is not going to bother answering she throws the boy a bone, "She isn't listening to anything. When she is nursing a hangover she likes to wear her headphones to help muffle the noise."

Glen looks over, "Still hungover? Sounds like a good weekend to me." He holds out his hand for a hi-five but Ashley stares at it until he puts it down awkwardly.

"Thanks for sharing my business with everyone, Kyla," Ashley's tells her sister sarcastically.

Kyla is unaffected, "If you plan on bringing your bitchy attitude to school where there are other people then they deserve to know why."

Ashley pushes her tray away and lays her head on her arms, "Shut up Kyla, your voice penetrates my headphones too easily."

Madison takes a seat next to Ashley and slams her tray down next to the brunettes head, "Oops, sorry, did that disturb you?"

Ashley flashes a glare that could be seen even through her dark shades to which Madison returns with a sickly sweet smile, "Did you enjoy Pre-Calc?"

"I am not talking to you," Ashley mumbles.

Spencer watches the brunette with a frown. She is so used to vibrant Ashley she doesn't know how to take this quiet and angry version. She stays quiet for the rest of the lunch period, but her eyes drifted to the hungover girl on more than one occasion. Ashley didn't make conversation, or flirt as Ashley is prone to do, at all during lunch, only biting off the head of anyone who tried to disturb her sleep. Spencer even admitted to herself that leaving the cafeteria without rejecting Ashley's advances seemed odd.

Spencer was sitting at her desk during her seventh period study hall half-listening to the music from her mp3 player. She was content sitting at the back of the class relaxing. She tended to keep her attention on the blank piece of paper she placed on her desk to make it look like she was being productive. About halfway through out of the corner of her eye she watched a certain brunette trudge in and slap a note on the study hall teacher's desk. Spencer watches as a scowling Ashley flops into the desk next to her without so much as a glance in the blonde's direction. Spencer shrugs and goes back to looking at her blank piece of paper.

With about ten minutes left to go in class Spencer feels a tap on her shoulder. She practically jumps out her chair and looks behind her, entire body tense. She sees a sandy-blonde boy smiling sheepishly at her. Calming herself down she mouths, "What?" His smile turns hopeful and he motions for her to take out her headphones. She does so, but doesn't say anything. Ashley turns her head at the commotion and watches with as much interest as she can muster.

"Hey, Spencer," the sandy-haired boy says still smiling.

Spencer searches her memory for the correct name, "Hey James."

His smile grows upon hearing his own name, "Did you have a good weekend?"

"It was fine."

"That's good. Did you catch the show at Gray's?"

"I couldn't make it, but I heard Ashley rocked it."

Out of the corner of her eye Spencer sees Ashley's lips twitch into a brief smirk, "Yeah she did. I, was wondering, if maybe you would like to catch a concert this weekend, but if they aren't your thing maybe a movie?"  
Spencer shifts uncomfortably, "Sorry, James, but I can't."

Smile still in place James shrugs, "Ok, how about next weekend?"

"I can't."

His smile falters and Spencer catches Ashley's lips twitching again, "If you aren't interested in me then just tell me."

Spencer flinches at the subtle anger in his tone, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

Not being familiar with rejection, James stands up and moves to another seat. Ashley doesn't pick her head up, but for once that day her eyes are fixed on something. She had watched the interaction with the blonde with interest and took in her body language throughout. The flinch did not go unnoticed by the dark eyes despite the sunglasses still firmly in place. Had she been up to it, Ashley would have first gotten rid of the annoying boy and then promptly tried to cheer up the blue-eyed girl. But given her current condition, she just couldn't muster up the energy.

The bell rings and Ashley follows Spencer down the hall and up the stairs to psychology. When she takes her seat she immediately goes back to the position she has been taking all day in class, head on her desk not caring what the teacher says. She does keep her eyes on Spencer, only vaguely aware of the discomfort it is causing the new student. She stays like that most of the class, watching Spencer with tired eyes.

With about five minutes left in class the teacher allows the students to work on their assignment and Spencer finally addresses the brunette, "Will you please stop staring at me?"

Normally Ashley would brush it off and give a flirty wink with an equally flirty comment. However, Ashley is not normal today. Her head is pounding and she could probably puke if she really wanted to, so instead she replies with some venom, "Conceited much? This is how I am laying, you just happen to be there." Spencer blushes but says nothing further, and Ashley turns her head so now she is staring at her own desk.

The bell rings and Spencer takes her time getting her stuff together as always. Ashley does too, but for once it is not with the intention of talking to the blonde. But curiosity does get the better of her and Ashley finally asks, "Why did you turn James down?"

Spencer is surprised by the question, but gives an honest answer, "Like I told him, I'm not interested."

Ashley finally slips off her sunglasses and eyes Spencer, "You aren't interested in him, you aren't interested in guys, you aren't interested in going out in general? Be more specific."

"I'm sorry, when did I start taking orders from you?" Spencer questions with a glare. "I don't have to explain myself to you, especially when you are acting like this."

"Like what?" Ashley challenges. When she takes a step forward Spencer immediately backs down, a slightly scared look crossing her features before she masks it with indifference. Ashley looks away and takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I just feel like shit today."

"So I've gathered," Spencer replies dryly.

Ashley looks back at Spencer, much of the anger she's felt throughout the day slipping away, "I was just wondering if you turned James down because you didn't like him, or if it was because you don't like people in general."

Spencer smirks slightly, "Both. Even if I did like people right now, he isn't my type."

Ashley nods her head and puts her sunglasses back on, "Good to know."


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, this has to be fastest update I have done. I think it may have to do with finding any reason not to start prepping for finals... I really do appreciate those loyal readers and hope for a few more. Reviews are more than welcome.**

**I own nothing despite my best efforts.  
**

The next day Spencer opens her locker and jumps back at what she finds. She jumps again when a familiar voice starts talking to her, "I still feel bad for snapping at you yesterday. I wasn't myself, I swear." Spencer turns to find a mocha holding Ashley with a grin firmly in place.

Spencer takes a step away from her locker and the girl trying to apologize, "I should hope."

Ashley's grin doesn't falter for a second, "So, to further make things up to you, I got you a gift," she indicates the bear in the locker. "Corny I know, but if I have learned anything over the years it is that teddy bears are the universal symbol of peace."

Spencer looks at the bear and back at Ashley, using all her self control not to bolt. Ashley notices that the girl is looking even more uncomfortable than normal and shifts awkwardly. Spencer shuts her locker without putting anything in it and turns to Ashley, "I think we need to get a few things straight. Yes, I am gay. No, I am not going to date you. And please, take the bear back."

Ashley stands dumbfounded for a few seconds while Spencer makes her way to their first class. When she finally accepts that that really happened she turns and quickly follows the blonde. "I want it to be known that I have never had to say this before. You aren't giving me a chance."

Spencer doesn't stop walking, "You're right, but that's because I am not interested in dating anyone right now."

"Come on, you have to admit I am charming as hell."

"Ashley," Spencer stops and turns quickly, "please back off."

For the second time in a minute Ashley stops, completely dumbfounded. This time it was less from the words that were said, and more from the tone. Spencer sounded so vulnerable, more so than normal. It was the tone that made Ashley stop, but it was the blue eyes that made her understand Spencer wasn't playing hard to get.

For the rest of the day Ashley did as she was asked. At lunch she could feel the strange looks sent her way as she quietly eats her lunch, but she ignores them. Her mind couldn't get rid of the image of those pained blue eyes. While she didn't say a word to Spencer, she couldn't help but cast curious glances. Spencer never looked up from her food, not a completely uncommon habit, but Ashley wanted to see those eyes again. She wanted to see if the pain was always there and she just finally noticed. The bell rings signifying the end of their break and chocolate eyes follow Spencer, tucked safely between her two brothers, make her way out of the cafeteria. Slowly she gathers her things, vaguely aware that Madison is trying to get her attention.

When they reach their lockers Madison finally grabs Ashley attention, "Will you please tell me what is wrong? I know that the shit you put in your system has worked its way out by now, so you aren't still hungover, and you were fine this morning when we got here. What happened?"

Most people would find the Latina's tone rude, but Ashley knows only too well that's how Madison gets when she is really concerned. "Don't worry about it, ok Madison?"

Madison looks anything but convinced, but she knows when her best friend is shutting down and there is nothing that can be done when that happens, "I'll let it slide for now, but if you keep up this broody crap I am tying you up and forcing you to tell me what's up. Got it?"

Ashley smiles for the first time since that morning, "Like you could take me."

"I recall two summers ago you said the same thing, and then promptly took it back. Do you really want to test me again?"

"I'll pass."

Madison hip checks her best friend, "I'm here for you."

"Thanks. We better get to class. Aiden said something about a pop quiz in Gov. and I need to cram quick."

When Psychology rolls around Ashley takes the seat next to Spencer as usual, but she doesn't say anything. She tries to discretely watch the new student, and if she noticed Spencer chose not to say anything. Ashley wishes she could come up with something to say, but she is completely at a loss. She has no clue why Spencer is acting like she is, and she has no clue why that is bothering her so much.

Spencer shifts in her chair, eyes constantly darting to the clock at the front of the class, praying for time to speed up so she can get out of here. Ever since she asked Ashley to back off she has wanted the day to be over. She knows she was acting irrationally, but that's who she is anymore. She feels Ashley's eyes flicker to her and it makes her renew her prayers. She had imagined that Ashley ceasing her flirtations would make things more comfortable, but no such luck. If anything now it seems like Ashley is looking at her more often, like the singer is even more interested in her, which is the last thing she wants. When the end of the day does come Spencer leaves in a hurry, choosing crowds over the brunette.

Spencer heads directly for the gym, not bothering to get the books she actually needs to do homework. She sits in there for all of five minutes before realizing it is doing nothing to make her feel any more comfortable. She pulls out her phone and calls her dad.

"Hey sweetie, is everything ok?" comes Arthur Carlin's concerned voice.

"Umm, I was just wondering if you would be able to pick me up."

"I could probably swing that," he tells her while closing the folder on his desk and grabbing his keys.

Spencer takes a deep breath, "And maybe take me to see Dr. Martin?"

Arthur feels so torn at his daughter's request. On one hand he is happy that she is willing to talk to someone, but he wishes it could be him, "Of course honey, but she may be seeing other patients right now."

Spencer nods her head even though he can't see her, "I know, but I need to try."

"Ok honey, I will be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Dad."

Ashley walks into Gray's and heads straight into the backroom, mind still on one Spencer Carlin. She is aware that the rest of her band is there waiting for her, that most of them are glaring at her, most likely for bailing on practice the day before, but she doesn't care. She walks to her guitar case, takes out her pride and joy, and goes to her mic, still not saying a word. She strikes a chord and waits for the others to get into position. Her band mates are sharing looks, but no one says anything, too confused by this silent Ashley to know what to say. They make their way through their set list without any major mistakes, but everyone can tell that for once the brunette's heart just isn't in it.

"Hey," Logan says cautiously as they pack up their equipment.

"Hey," she returns half-heartedly.

"You wanna talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?"

Ashley is silent for a moment. Madison is by far her best friend, but sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that isn't as close to you, "Java House?"

Logan nods his head and follows Ashley to her Porsche. The ride is silent, Logan knows by now that Ashley does everything on her terms, and will only talk when she feels like it. She doesn't feel like talking until they are sitting in the corner sipping their caffeinated beverages.

"So, there's this new girl at school, Spencer. She's…beautiful, and the first time we met I definitely got the rainbow vibe. So I've been flirting with her, without any luck. Spencer is so shy. She doesn't like being around people and she is definitely the jumpiest person I have ever met. Which kind of made flirting with her more fun. And even though she never flirted back, and I could tell it was kind of making her uncomfortable, I just assumed it was because she wasn't out."

"But she is?" Logan prompts when Ashley falls silent.

"That's what she told me today. Immediately followed by her telling me to back off."

Logan looks at his friend and chooses his words carefully, "I know you aren't used to rejection, but I feel you are overreacting just a tad."

Ashley glares at him, "This isn't being about being rejected, mostly. She has made it clear that it isn't me she's rejecting, it is dating, hell people, in general she is rejecting. And when she told me to back off she looked…scared. I don't understand what's up with her and I don't understand why it is bothering me so much. Obviously she has issues, so it would be in my best interest just to forget about her."

"Ashley Davies, are you experiencing feelings besides lust for someone?" Logan teases hoping to lighten the mood. He doesn't so he goes for serious, "If it is bothering you so much then you must like her, not just physically. So I don't see what the problem is."

Ashley looks at him in bewilderment, "What do you mean you don't see the problem? I can't get this girl out of my head but she obviously doesn't want me to hit on her."

"Right, so don't."

"But…" Logan is pretty sure if they were standing Ashley would stamp her foot, "I don't want to ignore her."

"So don't." At her glare he sighs and elaborates, "Ash, be her friend. Duh. Sometimes you are so thick. She doesn't want you to hit on her, that doesn't mean you have to ignore her. There is this thing called friendship, where you hang out and get to know a person without sleeping with them. You obviously are concerned about what is going on with her, and from the sounds of it she could use a friend. Do that. Quit listening to your libido for a change."

Ashley drinks her mocha. She feels like a tool. Why she got it in her head that she could only have something physical with Spencer she doesn't know. Friend. She could do that. The blonde was always so nervous, she could use a friend.

Spencer and her father walk into the office building where Dr. Martin practices in silence. When Arthur picked his daughter up from school he made an attempt to get her to tell him what the problem was, and when she didn't he let it drop. What mattered most was her feeling that she could confide in someone, he didn't want to push her so that she wouldn't even talk to Dr. Martin.

When they reached her offices Spencer awkwardly approached the receptionist, "I was wondering if Dr. Martin was busy right now?"

The receptionist looked at her kindly, "Spencer, right?" The blonde nodded. "She is nearly done with a patient right now, but she is free after that for about thirty minutes, will that work?"

"That would be great," Spencer replies honestly.

"Alrighty-then, I will inform Dr. Martin when she is done that you are out here."

"Thanks." Spencer turns back to her father, "You don't have to wait here if you don't want to."

He smiles and takes a seat, "No worries, they have the latest issue of _Bon Appétit_, and I have been trying to find something new to try at home." Spencer gives her dad a grateful smile and takes the seat next to him.

Twenty minutes later an older man exits the office and the secretary informs Dr. Martin that Spencer is here. She then looks up at Spencer and tells her she can go in.

"Spencer," Dr. Martin says kindly but the blonde can detect the interest in the psychiatrist's voice. "Why don't you take a seat and tell me what prompted this unscheduled visit."

Spencer takes the seat but she doesn't immediately start talking. She is second guessing coming here, deciding that she is just being silly. But Dr. Martin keeps looking at her expectantly and she finally gives in, "Do you remember that girl, Ashley, that I told you about on Friday?"

"The girl that has been hitting on you?" Spencer nods her head yes. "What about her?"  
"Umm, today I told her to back off, to quit hitting on me."

Dr. Martin was trying to figure out where this conversation was going but still didn't know Spencer well enough to do so right now, "And you regret doing that?"

"No," Spencer says quickly. "I just, I do want her to back off. I told you I don't like the attention. It was making me feel uncomfortable how she was always flirting with me. And then today I open my locker to find a teddy bear she somehow got in there. She says she did it as a peace offering for being a bitch yesterday, and I know rationally that it is probably harmless, but it still freaked me out."

Things were starting to click for Dr. Martin now, "It does sound like Ashley is trying pretty hard to get your attention, it also sounds like she is pretty upfront about it. How did she react when you told her to back off?"

"She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. But she kept looking at me, like I wouldn't notice. That was worse, her sneaking looks at me."

"What did you want to happen?"

"Just that she would quit flirting and bringing me presents."

"Why do you think she kept sneaking looks at you? If she didn't hit on or even talk to you the rest of the day she must have taken you seriously."

"Just because she doesn't hit on me doesn't mean she quit liking me."

"Very true. And that's why you came here, because now that she is liking you, quietly, it actually makes things more awkward," surmises, glad to be figuring out her newest patient.

"Something like that, yeah. I got out of our last class together and realized that it was easier to ignore her open advances."

"Besides not wanting her to hit on you, do you not like her?"

Spencer looks at her hands, "No, she's kind of funny. And when she isn't hungover she is pretty nice."

"So on top of it all you are feeling guilty about maybe hurting the feelings of someone that could be a friend."

"I am so irrational," Spencer mumbles.

"No, you're a teenager who went through hell. I am glad that you came here; talking about what is going on in your head is a very good way to figure out what you really want, and what you really feel. I have an appointment in a few minutes, but if you would like we can schedule a full session for tomorrow."

Spencer stands and rubs her hands on the outside of her jeans, "No, thanks, I can make it to Friday."

Dr. Martin gives a kind smile, "I will see you Friday."

Spencer exits and walks over to her dad. He closes the cooking magazine and smiles at her, "Better?"

"I think so," she answers honestly. Dr. Martin was right, just voicing what was going on in her head helped her sort it out herself. She didn't need any advice, just someone to act as a sounding board. "Do we need to hit the store so you can try some new dish?"

"Not tonight, but tomorrow I promise I will wow you."

"I am holding you to that Dad," she answers with a smile.

The next day at school Spencer doesn't find anything in her locker, nor did the brunette come to her. She grabs her _Of Mice and Men_ copy and makes her way through the throng of students. She is disappointed to see that Chelsea isn't in class yet, but takes her typical seat anyways. She notices when Ashley enters and frowns when a folded piece of paper is placed on her desk. She opens it and reads the one word: _friends?_ She looks behind her and locks eyes with Ashley. She nods her head once then turns back to the front of the class, but she still catches the nose-crinkling smile that graces the singer's face.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Sorry about the delay, my mind has been stuck in the land of Glee lately. Hopefully this chapter will make it up, I think I like where it is going anyway. Enjoy. Read. Review. And keep in mind that I own nothing despite my best efforts. **

Spencer goes through her next couple of classes with a preoccupied mind. Friends. Sounds innocent enough. To be honest she really wants a friend. But wanting one and being able to establish a true friendship are two completely different things. Becoming friends means trusting the other and she has enough problems with that let alone if the person she is trying to trust is Ashley Davies. Questions distract her effectively until she enters the locker room fourth period. Ashley makes eye contact and smiles but for once she doesn't walk over. She returns the smile shyly and walks into the stall to change.

Ashley turns back to Madison still smiling, "So I was thinking we hit up the beach this weekend. We haven't done that for a while."

"You mean you haven't done a surfer girl for a while," Madison replies with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah I'm in. The usual gang or are we expanding?"

Ashley shrugs and finishes tying her shoes, "If this is your way of hinting that you want to invite Glen go right ahead."

Madison hip-checks her best friend, "You think you know me so well don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I know you too, so let me guess, you will be inviting another member of the Carlin family?"

Ashley thinks for a minute, "Probably, but not to hook up. And don't look at me like that I mean it, Spencer and I have agreed to just be friends."

The Latina rolls her eyes, "I will believe that when I see it."

Now it is Ashley's turn to hip-check which gets the two girls laughing. They are still laughing when they enter the gym, which earns them two laps a piece. As they finish Spencer emerges, wearing yet another long-sleeve shirt. Ashley just cannot understand how the girl can stand to work up a sweat in long-sleeves, it would kill her. Hell, she doesn't do long-sleeves even if it's cold.

She jogs over, "Heads up, she's in a foul mood today, you may want to fake an injury early on if you aren't feeling up to killing your body today."

Spencer is silent for a second, "I think I will manage. My body is actually starting to get back into shape which is kinda nice."

"Your body has always looked great….sorry, old habits die hard," Ashley finished with a sheepish smile.

To her relief Spencer didn't completely freak on her, and possibly even blushed a little. Instead Spencer went on like nothing happened, "I used to play tennis, but when I stopped I kinda stopped all physical activity and I forgot how good it feels to be able to run a mile without dying."

"Tennis? I can see that. Were you any good?"

A brief smile flittered across the blonde's face, "I was alright, made it to State every year but never got past the second round."

"Sounds pretty damn good to me. We should play sometime. I'm not half bad and can never find anyone up for a quick set."

Spencer nods her head smiling again, "That would be nice."

They didn't get a chance to talk again during the period, they were doing circuits yet again. And after class in the locker room Ashley just said bye. Maybe being friends could work out after all.

During lunch Madison and Ashley are working out the details for their day at the beach. Glen doesn't even try to hide his cocky grin at Madison's invitation while Clay nearly blushes when he finds out Chelsea intends to invite him as well. Ashley turns to Spencer and tries to figure out the best way to invite the girl as just a friend, but is saved by her sister.

"Why don't you come too Spencer? It will be a blast, you haven't really lived in L.A. until you have done an all-day beach party, and we know how to do it right," Kyla says with a bright smile.

Spencer is quiet for a moment and Ashley can see the excuse forming behind blue-eyes. "Thanks, but I can't this weekend. Maybe some other time."

Kyla doesn't look offended in the least, "Ok. If you change your mind just tag along with your brothers, we don't mind. Madison where did you get that necklace?" And just like that the subject changed and Spencer felt relieved.

##############################################

"Another week gone. Still surviving?"

"Yeah, still surviving," Spencer replies, trying to get comfortable on the leather couch. "What is it with psychologists and leather furniture?"

"I don't know," Dr. Martin replies honestly. "Why don't we start today where we left off. Are you still having problems with Ashley?"

"No. They day after I came to see you she asked me if we could be friends and that's what we are working on."

"Just like that?"

Spencer shrugs, "Yeah. She doesn't flirt with me, usually, anymore and doesn't follow me so much or leave me presents, just talks a bit when we see each other."

"Well I am glad that you are making a friend, that's a really good first step. Since that issue seems to be fairly resolved, why don't we move on to something a little more difficult, I notice you are wearing long-sleeves again today."

Spencer looks away and tugs the sleeves down further, "I told you last week, this is what I have for clothes."

"Surely your parents would have bought you new clothes by now. And if I am not mistaken every time your father has dropped you off he has been wearing short-sleeves, shorts even." Spencer doesn't reply, just folds her arms across her chest and stares out the window. "It isn't unheard of for someone who suffered something terrible to start hurting themselves. Self-injury is one way, a not very bright way but a way nonetheless, that people cope with extreme emotional stress. It gives you a sense of control, right?"

Spencer nods her head stiffly, "I get to control the pain I feel."

"Ok. Now I am a believer in drugs last, and your parents agree, so we are going to try a couple of techniques before I resort to anti-depressants. First, I really think you need to start keeping a journal. I know it is cliché as hell, but it helps. Whenever you feel the urge to hurt yourself, I want you to write about it. Also, we are going to try the simple rubber band trick. Keep a rubber band on your wrist, and when you feel that you need to cut yourself, snap the rubber band. It will hurt, but it will not cause lasting damage. Hopefully after a little while we can stop that one, but I find it is effective in the early stages."

Spencer nods her head again, "I don't want anyone else to know I've been doing this."

"It's only for you to share."

##############################################

"Damn, there are so many hot girls," Glen whistles, turning his head every-which direction trying to take it all in at once. His confession is followed by a slap to the back of his head by a glaring Latina, "But none as hot as you, of course."

"Mhm, watch yourself boy," she warns before joining Ashley further down the beach.

"Word of advice new guy, don't piss off Madison, that's almost as stupid as pissing off Ashley."

Glen turns to the sandy-blonde guy standing next to him with a giant cooler in his hands, "You're in Ashley's band right?"

"Logan, yeah I'm the drummer."

"Damn, I bet you get all the ladies. You guys are really good."

"I don't do too bad, and thanks. You're Glen, right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Ashley just gave me the heads up that there would be a few new faces today. I was hoping that your sister, Spencer would be here, I really need to meet this girl."

"And why's that?" Glen asked in his most intimidating brother voice.

"I have to meet the girl that made Ashley lose her concentration during band practice. That never happens, Ashley lives for An Arbitrary Disaster. Not to mention one of the few people Ashley likes enough to want to be friends with. As backwards as it sounds it means more for Ashley to want to be her friend than for her to flirt with the girl. No one has ever gotten Ashley so worked up and I am curious as hell. But I heard she is pretty shy so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she didn't come today."

Glen mulls this over as they make their way to the rest of the group, he eyes Ashley trying to figure out if this is a friendship he should encourage or not.

Around three in the morning Glen and Clay are trying to be as quiet as possible entering their home. They manage to get in the door without making too noise and head up the stairs to their rooms. Right before they enter they hear a shriek from Spencer's room and decide that since they are awake already they would check up on her. They open her door to see her sitting up hugging her knees to her chest taking deep steadying breaths.

"Hey," Clay says softly. She jumps but when she realizes who it is she smiles weakly.

"Sorry for waking you guys up."

"You didn't," they assure while slipping into her room. Glen pulls out her desk chair while Clay sits at the very end of her bed. "We just got in actually."

"Party that good, huh?"

Clay smiles, "It was a lot of fun."

"Like you would know, you and Chelsea were off together most of the night away from the actual party."

Clay smiles wider, "It was a lot of fun."

"I'm glad you guys had fun," Spencer told them honestly. She hated when the rest of her family suffered from her being unable to enjoy things. "Who all was there?"

"The lunch gang, Ashley's bandmate Logan, Chelsea of course, and a few other people I don't know that well but seemed pretty cool."

"What all did you guys do?" Spencer realized that this was the fastest she ever calmed down after a nightmare, probably because this is the first time she had something else to think about afterwards.

"Messed around in the water, played Frisbee a bit, Ashley and Logan played a little music and drank. Man, Ashley sure knows how to put them away, I think she actually out drank me," Glen said sounding impressed.

Spencer didn't share his view. She was well aware of how much her twin could drink, and if little Ashley could out drink that…not of the good. Especially if this meant that Ashley was going to be bitchy Ashley again come Monday.

Fortunately Spencer didn't have to worry, Ashley was her usual self the following school day. She even brought another Frappuccino for the blonde and they walked to class talking about their weekends. Ashley went on about the beach party and how great it was, and the surfers who gave out their numbers. Then she complained about how her mother had her monthly guilt day and decided to actually spend time with her daughter, which meant shopping and eating out but still the day was boring as hell. Spencer told her that sucks and that her weekend consisted of catching up on her favorite shows and drinking far too much caffeine.

"Sounds like a solid weekend to me," Ashley told her. "I am so far behind on my shows too."

###############################################

That Friday morning Ashley notices Spencer is looking even more miserable than normal, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Spencer mumbles while she grabs her books and heads to English, Ashley in tow.

"Bull, come on, you can tell me, it is kind of part of the whole 'friends' thing we have going on here."

Spencer sighs, "Glen's first game is tonight."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. I tend to zone out when Aiden starts going on about basketball anymore. And that's a bad thing, that there is a game tonight?"

"Well, I don't really feel up to it," Spencer tells her honestly, "but the rest of my family will be here, and I need one of them to give me a ride to Dr. Martin's at six."

Ashley thinks while they take their seats, she has started sitting right behind Spencer during class. About ten minutes into class she pulls out a piece of paper (of course she didn't have a notebook open or anything) and scribbles on it then casually slips it onto the blonde's desk.

Spencer opens it slowly: _Why don't you come to my band practice tonight instead? It will just be me and the rest of my band, so not too many people, and I can bring you back to the school or wherever you need so you can make your appointment._

Spencer writes her response and waits for Mrs. Griffith to turn around before giving it back to the brunette. Ashley only bothers to be sneaky about reading it because she doesn't want to get Spencer in trouble: _Maybe. Can I let you know later?_

_ Of course._

At lunch Spencer tells her brothers of the offer and feels guilty for the hurt in Glen's eyes that she doesn't want to watch his game. She knows that basketball means a lot to him, and that it means even more when his family is there to watch him. But that isn't what he says, instead he tells her to do whatever would be most comfortable for her. She thanks him and keeps debating.

When psychology comes to an end Ashley looks at her, "Kind of out of time here, I need to get going or piss off the rest of the band that I am late."

"Ok."

Ashley does a double-take, not really believing she heard right, "You said yes?"

"Technically I said ok, but in this case the meaning is the same."

The singer can't help the nose-crinkling smile from coming out, "Cool, you better tell your family though, don't want them thinking you got kidnapped." She noticed the flinch but chose not to say anything, instead grabbed the rest of her stuff and headed to the door while Spencer pulled out her phone.

They walked to Ashley's car and Spencer's jaw dropped, "You drive this?"

"This is my baby," Ashley says proudly, "Just go easy on the leather."

The drive starts in an awkward silence, but by the time they reach Gray's it turned into a comfortable one, each enjoying the music and the company of another without having to talk. Ashley notices that she is the last to arrive but doesn't really care when she reminds herself she got Spencer to agree to go somewhere with her.

They walk in and Jamie is behind the counter doing paperwork, "Hey Ash, and who is this?"

Spencer smiles shyly and gives a short wave, "I'm Spencer."

"Nice to meet you. You better hurry up Ash, they've been here for at least fifteen minutes already."

"They have no right to get mad at me because I actually have been going to school lately," Ashley huffed as she walked towards the backroom. When they entered all eyes turned to them, a couple of them not looking too pleased. Logan, on the other hand, was practically beaming and he walked over.

"You must be Spencer," he said still smiling broadly.

Spencer shifted uncomfortably, "Yeah."

"Back of Logan we are here to practice and Spencer just needed a place to hang for a bit." Logan walked back to the rest of the group and Ashley turned to Spencer, "Umm, you can sit over there is you want."

Spencer realized with surprise that Ashley suddenly looked nervous, "You sure you're ok with me being here?"

"Yeah, it's just, I'm not used to singing to just one person you know? Usually it's either empty or packed. But it's all good. Just sit down and let me rock your world," Ashley cringed apologetically at her flirty tone and went to get set up.

##########################################

Arthur found Paula and Clay and sat down with his arms full of popcorn and pop, "Where's Spencer?"

"She went to her friend Ashley's band practice."

Paula and Arthur looked at Clay in bewilderment, "She went somewhere with a friend?"

"Yeah, Ashley asked her earlier today and Spencer decided right after classes got out she would go. Ashley is supposed to bring her here afterwards."

"Is Ashley…she's a good kid right?" Paula asked concerned.

Clay answered without hesitation, "For the most part. She seems to like Spencer, and Spencer seems to like her well enough. They have a few classes together and lunch."

Arthur and Paula share a look, amazed and excited that their daughter might be finally moving on.

#########################################

Ashley sang the last line and Crystal struck the last chord, which was immediately followed by Spencer clapping. She had clapped after every song, truly impressed by how good the young band sounded, especially how well Ashley sang. And as time went by Spencer started to smile more and more, remembering how much she liked music. Ashley took off her guitar and came over, smiling too. But for once it wasn't from the high of performing, even if it was just to one person, but because of the smile a certain blue-eyed girl wore. Ashley never knew that making someone else smile could make her feel so good.

She saunters over, "So you like?"

"Very much so. You guys are really awesome," she directs to the whole group.

"We know," came the collective response.

"So did your ego rub off on them, or do all musicians have ones that big?" Spencer teased.

Ashley scoffed, "You think I have a big ego? I am offended to know that's what you really think of me."

Spencer shrugs, "That would be why people always say the truth hurts."

Ashley laughs then catches sight of the clock, "Oh crap, that lasted longer than I thought."

Spencer looks too and frowns, "I have to be at Dr. Martin's in thirty minutes. She turns to Ashley and tilts her head, making her eyes go wide and pleading, "Do you think you could give me a ride there? I promise to pay you back, I will buy you a coffee next week!"

The singer pretends to think about it for a moment, "I suppose. I expect a double mocha with whip on Monday."

"Done. I just need to call my Dad and tell him what's going on."


	7. Chapter 7

**HA! I finished another chapter. I know it took forever, but I think it turned out pretty well, let me know if you agree or disagree.**

**I own nothing despite my best efforts.**

"Arthur, has something happened to Spencer?" Paula asks, voice rising with each syllable as soon as her husband shuts his phone.

Arthur gives her a small hopeful smile, "I think so."

##############################

"Ok, so where am I going?" Ashley asks while starting up her baby.

Spencer frowns, "I have no clue, my Dad has always taken me."

The singer smiles and shrugs, "A couple of years ago that would be problematic, now we have these handy-dandy BlackBerries." She whips hers out and starts to type when laughing distracts her. She turns and pouts, "What?"

"Handy-dandy?" Spencer giggles with a head tilt.

Ashley is torn between continuing to pout and kissing the girl for being so adorable. She continues to pout, deciding kissing would ruin all the progress she's made, "I used to like Blue's Clues ok? And hey, you got the reference."

Spencer giggles again, "But I would never use it."

Ashley quits pouting realizing Spencer has never looked so carefree, "I got the address and if my memory is correct, there's a Starbucks nearby. And I never forget the location of a coffee shop."

"Haven't you already had a triple shot mocha today?"

"Well yeah, but that was eight hours ago, I have too high of a metabolism for that to last me a full day."

"Too high of a metabolism, gotcha. I will keep that in mind."

Ashley flashes a nose-crinkling smile. Which she quickly follows with a scowl and a blast on her horn, "Stupid L.A. traffic, you take your eyes off the road for one second…" she grumbles. However, when her tirade is followed by another one of the blonde's giggles the traffic doesn't seem so aggravating.

##################################

"Spencer, this is the first time you ever came in with a smile on your face, I must say it suits you."

The blonde takes a seat on the leather couch, "Today was a good day."

##################################

Ashley drums her fingers on the steering wheel unable to wipe the smile off of her face. Not even the obnoxiously long line at the Starbucks drive-thru is enough to penetrate her good mood. "Who knew being friends would work for me?" she muses. As she grabs her mocha and leaves a five dollar tip her phone goes off, "Hey David…Get to the point…Hell yes I am up for tonight...The entire weekend, even better…Who's providing the party favors? Perfect…Yeah I'll be there in an hour."

"Let me guess, you're going out?" Kayla asks from the living room couch. She doesn't have to turn around to know that Ashley is dressed in as little clothing as possible, or as the singer refers to it "let's party then fuck" clothes.

"Yeah, don't wait up."

"You do know you aren't actually a rock star yet, right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ashley challenges.

Kayla turns around and gets no satisfaction upon seeing she was right about her sister's attire, "It means that you party like one and it isn't good for you."

"Whatever, I'm going to be at David's, don't call unless someone's dead." With that Ashley turns on her expensive heels and storms out, her mood dampened a little.

The black Porsche pulls up to a secluded beach house. Ashley feels more than hears the music as she puts on the finishing touches to her make-up. Her spat with Kayla the last thing on her mind, she focuses on how good her day was as a whole and steps out of the car, demanding the attention of everyone present but refusing to return the favor.

Inside the house bodies are everywhere but she doesn't really notice them, nor does she notice the shots offered to her the second she enters the house, instead heading straight for the impromptu dance floor and letting loose. She makes it through a couple of songs, feeling better than she has in a long time. Many people, boys and girls, try to dance with her but she doesn't let them get too close, too wrapped up in the music and her own happy thoughts to pay them any attention. She is snapped back to reality when she is swept into a bear hug and swung through the air.

When she is set back down she looks up at a hulking man with glazed over eyes, "David, what the hell? I thought we were clear on the no touching rule?" she laughed.

"We are, I am only allowed to put my meaty gross-boy hands on you when we are fucked up." He looks at her and frowns, "Why aren't you fucked up yet?"

"I haven't been here more than fifteen minutes," she laughs.

David shakes his shaggy head, "I have seen you get fucked up in under five. Now, we must fix this problem if we want this to be a real party." He turns and grabs the beers from a passing couple and turns back to Ashley, "Drink up Davies!"

Ashley accepts the beverage and downs the near full bottle in no time. David claps and goes in search of more liquor while Ashley returns to dancing. A minute later and she is presented with a tray of shots and a couple of pills, which she accepts. Soon she is returning to that all-too-familiar place, so when arms wrap around her from behind and a voice whispers in her ear, "I was hoping you would show up tonight," she merely turns in the arms but doesn't even attempt to break free. She frowns in concentration, "Kelly?"

"Kaylie, but close enough considering how out of it you were that night," the red-head says smiling and running her hands up and down Ashley's back.

"That was a good night," Ashley grins moving her arms to rest on the girl's hips. "So did you come over here looking for round two?"

"Mhm, I even have party favors."

Ashley smiles then frowns and turns her head to the side for a moment, hesitating for the first time in a long time. Kaylie seems to sense this and becomes more bold with her actions, sliding one hand around to cup the brunette's breast, "The bedrooms are all taken, but I think the bathroom is open," Kaylie husks into her ear, nibbling a little on the brunette's earlobe.

Ashley closes her eyes, trying to remember why she had even been considering not screwing the hot body on hers, "What kind of party favors?"

##################################

Arthur and Spencer entered the Carlin home, both chuckling slightly. Paula came to meet them and paused at the now unusual happy expression on her daughter's face. "Hi honey."

Spencer looks at her mother and continues to smile a genuine smile, "Hey mom."

"Dinner's about ready so why don't you go wash up."

"Ok mom, I'll be back in a sec."

Paula watches her only daughter disappear up the stairs before turning to her husband with a raised eyebrow, "What's gotten into her?"

"I think it's her friend, Ashley. She wasn't exactly smiling the whole ride home, but she didn't look so…she didn't look so hurt and lost. And the only thing I know of that has changed is she has a friend now, a friend she seems to trust."

"That's great," she tells her husband with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

After wishing her family good night Spencer heads up to her room. She sits on her bed, staring at her phone biting her lip. After a good five minutes she snatches her cell. _Hey Ashley, I just wanted to thank you for today_. She sets it back and looks at it. Fifteen minutes go by and no reply, she leaves to brush her teeth and when she comes back immediately checks her phone. Still nothing. She shuts off her light and lays down trying to understand why she feels so disappointed.

It's three in the morning and Spencer bolts upright. She takes a few deep breaths to try and calm herself back down. She scoots back against her headboard and grabs the glass of water she keeps just for this. Despite having a good day the nightmare was just as bad. The realization brings tears to her eyes and silent sobs start wracking her body. Bringing her knees to her chest Spencer rocks back and forth. She feels the rubber band around her wrists and stops rocking to look at it. She grabs one and pulls it back as far as it will go then releases. In the silent bedroom the snap sounds like a gunshot. The process gets repeated over and over until her wrists are completely red. The sobs have stopped but the emotions are still running rampant inside of her.

"Come on Spence, you can deal with this. You have to start dealing with this," she whispers over and over. Her eyes dart around her room until they fall on a notebook. Slowly she crawls out of bed, opens it up, takes a deep breath, and puts pen to paper.

#################################

It's four in the morning and Ashley has her head lying on the toilet seat. She shakily wipes her mouth and tries to see through bleary eyes. She becomes aware enough of her surroundings to crawl out of the bathroom and down the hall to her usual bedroom. Still crawling she makes it to the bed where she vaguely takes note of the red-head before passing out yet again.

#################################

Sunday night rolls around and Spencer is listening to her brothers fight over what to watch. They keep trying to get her involved, to which she politely declines; insisting watching them fight is more entertaining than any show. Glen and Clay have gotten it down to between two shows, _Dexter _or _House_ and Spencer is laughing internally as she watches the clock, both shows are already half-over. Her attention gets snapped to her phone and she checks the caller-Id in confusion.

"Ashley?"

"Sssppeeencceeerr!" comes the slurred greeting.

Spencer frowns and walks out of the living room, "Are you drunk?"

"That too."

"Why are you calling me?"

"Cuz I wanted to."

Spencer continues into her room, still frowning, "Ok. What are you up to?"

"Enjoying life while I am still young!"

"I see. So why did you want to call me?"

Another pause, "You sent me a text."

"I did. Last night."

"Right, and I just saw it and wanted to call you to say I saw it."

"Thanks."

"Tequila!"

"Ashley, do you really think that you should drink more?"

"I will be fine, trust me. I puked a lot last night but I am fine now. I know how to handle my liquor. Besides, it's a party!"

"Ok, but you better make it to school tomorrow; I don't want my only friend leaving me alone in P.E."

"I promise. See you tomorrow Spencer."

"See you tomorrow Ashley." The line goes dead and Spencer shuts her phone trying to shake her feeling of disappointment in Ashley's behavior. "It's not my place to judge her."

Spencer's disappointment lasted her all the way through English Monday morning. She leaves the class shaking her head, wondering why she believed Ashley's promise after what she saw a few weeks before. She even pulled out her phone and was half-way through a text when she snapped her phone shut muttering, "I'm not her keeper."

P.E. rolls around and Spencer walks into her usual stall to change. When she exits she is surprised to find a weakly smiling Ashley, "Hey."

"You made it."

"Don't sound so surprised," Ashley tells her in a tired voice. "I remembered telling you something about being in gym by yourself."

"Only something?" Spencer asks trying to sound teasing but coming off sad.

Ashley seems to notice because she shifts uncomfortably, "Even when weekends are a blur I remember the important things."

Spencer didn't know what to say to that, so she dumped her clothes in her locker and followed Ashley into the gym. They were running circuits again, she and Ashley ran next to each other in the beginning, but after a while Ashley could not keep up and dropped to the back of the class. When the final whistle blew Ashley came up to her looking like it was a struggle not to bite everyone's head off. "Well that was fun."

"It wasn't as bad as the last time," Spencer shrugged, but still took a seat to rest her exhausted legs.

Ashley flopped down next to her, "I guess. Still was a pain in my ass, literally and figuratively."

Spencer could feel the beginnings of an awkward silence and tried to prevent it, "So what did you do this weekend?"

"Partied at my friend David's. He has a pretty nice beach house. Spent most of the weekend there." If she had been talking to Madison or Aiden she would have bragged about the girl she slept with and possibly how many shots she did in a row, but that kind of talk just didn't feel right with Spencer, so she kept her answers short. "How about you?"  
"Homework, watched TV, wrote, nothing special."

"What did you write?"

Spencer looks away and replies in a mumble, "Just some thoughts and memories."

'One of these days you are going to tell me what happened to you,' Ashley thinks. "Well that's cool. Say, what's your stance on letting a friend see your homework for comparison?"

Spencer shakes her head with a smile, "Only if I can see this supposedly completed homework first."

"I was afraid you would say that."

"But you had to try, right?"

"You've only been my friend for a week and yet you think you know me so well," Ashley teases.

"Chica, let's go!" Madison calls from the gym doors.

The two girls smile at each other sheepishly; they had completely spaced on changing and sat on the bleachers talking for the last five minutes. They made their way to the locker room and changed as quickly as possible.

At lunch Clay and Glen are approaching their usual table when they notice that Ashley is sitting next to Spencer. They share a glance then look back at their sister, trying to read her body language. "I think she's smiling," Clay says quietly, like he's afraid she will overhear from clear across the courtyard.

"You're right. Who the hell is this Ashley chick? We've been trying to get through to her since it happened, and nothing. She meets this girl and suddenly she's getting better."

"Should we really be complaining Glen?"

"I'm not complaining," Glen sighs, "I just wonder what it is about this girl that makes Spencer start acting like Spencer again."

"I don't know. Maybe it's not just her. We moved for a reason, maybe L.A. and Dr. Martin are helping too," Clay reasoned.

"Either way, I don't know how I feel about Ashley. She's pretty cool, but too wild for Spencer. I mean, you saw how much she drank the other weekend, and from what I've heard that's nothing. Not to mention the other rumors I've heard," Glen persisted.

"If Spencer trusts her she must be worth trusting."

"Yeah, we'll see."

The brother's reach the table and Glen sits next to Madison across the table while Clay takes the seat on the other side of Spencer. Just because she's getting better doesn't mean they are going to completely stop watching over her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, I updated and start giving you some Spashley goodness! Hope you enjoy feel free to R&R  
I own nothing despite my best efforts**

The week goes by and every day Ashley continued to sit next to Spencer, and Glen and Clay are not the only ones to notice. Kayla has watched her sister discretely trying to figure out what exactly is going on. She loves her sister dearly (of course she would never be caught dead saying the words out loud) but knows her too well. The only reason Ashley is able to be friends with Madison is that they always have been and Madison is straight. Just like the only reason she is friends with Aiden is because they have known each other since kindergarten and guys just aren't her thing. So her relationship with Spencer is a puzzle to say the least. Despite being the most shy person Kayla has ever met, she likes the blonde and can tell she's a good person who comes off as quite fragile. Fragile people need to be handled gently, and Ashley is not the kind of girl who does gentle. So Kayla has watched them over the week, looking for any signs that Spencer is uncomfortable with Ashley's presence or any signs that Ashley has motives besides "just friends". She has found none. Spencer seems to genuinely enjoy the presence of her sister, and Ashley has kept the flirting down to a minimum. She hates that she doesn't trust her sister to not hurt the new girl, but she doesn't.

"Will you stop staring at me like a creeper?" Ashley demands while throwing her napkin at her sister.

The younger sibling rolls her eyes, "Sorry I was spacing."

Ashley throws another napkin then turns back to Spencer, "So, like I was saying, I have in fact gotten our Psych homework done, and would like to compare with you. I even have it on me!" She excitedly pulls out a worksheet and brandishes it before her friend.

Spencer smiles and shakes her head, "Now tell me, did you try or did you just write in random answers so that the paper was full and it would look like you did your homework?"  
Ashley crosses her arms indignantly, "Do you really think I am that dumb?"

"You're the one that wants to compare answers," Spencer teases with a head tilt. Ashley starts to scowl, making Spencer laugh and reach into her bag for her own worksheet. "Here, don't say I never gave you anything."

Ashley grabs the paper and quickly sets about correcting her answers. Madison Aiden and Kayla all share glances, wondering when Ashley started caring enough to check her homework. Cheating was nothing new for Ashley, but if she could do just enough to avoid failing on her own, then why bother doing the extra work to do better?

Ashley corrects the last question as the bell rings. She hurriedly hands Spencer her paper back, stuffs hers in her bag, and grabs both trays. When Spencer looks at her questioningly she shrugs, "I know you hate being late for class."

As Psych comes to a close Spencer takes a deep breath and turns to Ashley, "So, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my place after school for a Buffy marathon. I know it is short notice and if you don't want to, or if you already have plans, which I am sure you do because you have a life…"

"Ok."

Spencer looks at her uncertainly, "Really?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything better going on, and I could use a quiet night," Ashley assures her, unable to hide her smile. "Wait, don't you see Dr. Martin on Fridays?"

Spencer nods her head, "Usually, but she is at some conference or other this weekend so I get to meet with her Monday and Friday next week."

"Gotcha. Buffy night it is."

"Cool. Umm…so do you need to go home first or come right over?"

Ashley feels like laughing at how adorable awkward Spencer is being, but resists the urge, "We are talking about a full night of Buffy, right?" the blonde nods the affirmative. "Then we go straight to your place."

Spencer smiles and relaxes, "Ok."

Ashley pulls out her phone and sends a quick text to Aiden and Madison: _Can't make it 2night, have fun_. Madison's response is almost immediate: _Spending the night at David's again?_ Ashley can hear the anger in the Latina's text and wishes they were talking about his in person so she could smack her, instead she settles for a simple text: _Actually I am going to Spencer's_. She follows this by shutting off her phone, not wanting to deal with her friends and their accusations.

Ashley adjusts her backpack while making her way through the parking lot. "This is why I don't take homework home," she grumbles.

Spencer laughs and rolls her eyes, "You have all of three books in there; it can't be that heavy. And maybe if you did homework during the week you wouldn't have so much to take home at once." Ashley's only response is a pout.

"Hey Spence," Clay calls from his friend Sean's convertible. "Hop in, no walking for the Carlin clan today."

"Oh, thanks but Ashley is coming over."

Clay's eyes drift over to the brunette in happy confusion, "So you're a Slayer fan too?"

"Hot chicks with super powers, do I really need to say more?"

Clay laughs, "Ok, well then I will see you at home."

"So this is casa de Carlin," Spencer says with a shrug as she opens her front door. Ashley follows her into the foyer and decides she really didn't expect anything else from the Carlins. While she isn't as familiar with the rest of the family as she is Spencer, she has gotten that "stereotypical" family feel and this house fits that, a nice two story home that has a lived in feel but is clean and screams upper-middle-class.

"Spencer, honey, is that you?" comes a masculine voice from behind a closed door straight ahead.

"Yeah Dad, and um, I brought my friend Ashley with me." Spencer says awkwardly.

Almost immediately the door swings open and a tall man with kind eyes and a warm smile comes out, "Hi, Ashley, I'm Arthur, it's nice to meet you."

He holds out a hand covered in some sort of red substance and Ashley fights over what to do, taking the hand would be kinda gross, but not could be considered insulting and she really wants to make a good impression on the whole Carlin family. She is saved by Spencer, "Dad, I bought you a new apron like two weeks ago and yet you are covered in sauce. Does this mean lasagna or spaghetti?"

"Neither, chicken parmesan. Hope you like Italian food Ashley."

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Perfect, so what are you two up to tonight?"

"Just a quiet night with the Slayer."

Arthur beams at his daughter and Ashley, "Buffy-fest, so you will be needing popcorn, some sort of chocolate, and whatever chips we have left."

"Pretty much," Spencer nods.

"Just make sure you don't ruin your appetite, I have been slaving away all day in that kitchen."

Spencer shrugs, "It is a Buffy-fest, there are rules to be followed."

Ashley watches the exchange, an easy smile taking over her features. Seeing Spencer relaxed has turned into one of her favorite things. She has even made it her personal goal to help Spencer relax as much as possible. While always beautiful, the blonde positively radiates splendor when the tension leaves her muscles and her eyes shed that haunted look. So caught up is she, Ashley fails to notice the conversation has turned back to her, "I'm sorry, what was that Mr. Carlin?"

"I asked if you a fan of Buffy or if Spencer here is trying to corrupt you?"

"I don't think Spencer could corrupt a baby," out of the corner or her eye she sees Spencer feign indignation.

Arthur seems to like her answer though because he lets out a loud laugh, "I think you're right. Ok, why don't you girls go into the living room and I will get started on that popcorn."

Ashley follows Spencer into the next room and plops herself on the couch, "You're dad seems pretty cool."

"He is," Spencer affirms with a smile. "Now for the hard part. What is our theme for the night?"

The brunette furrows her brow in confusion, "Theme?"

Spencer looks at her like she is trying to remain patient while teaching a small child, "Buffy theme. Whenever you have a Buffy marathon you must choose some sort of theme for the night. Such as saddest episodes, funniest episodes, most kick-ass episodes…"

"You really take this seriously, don't you?"

Spencer blushes, "I have a couple of quirks so sue me."

Ashley laughs loud causing Spencer to give a wry smile, "Ok. How about, hottest episodes?"

Now it is Spencer's turn to look confused, "Hottest episodes?"

"Yeah, the episodes that the characters are at their hottest and or steamiest."

"Is your mind capable of leaving the gutter?"

"I have a couple of quirks so sue me," Ashley fires back still smiling.

The pair is in the middle of _Bad Girls_ when Paula comes home. "Today was miserable, three different car accidents within an hour of each other. I didn't think I was going to make it out of there in time for dinner, but lucky for me Dr. Walters wanted to go home early next week and covered for me. That smells wonderful Arthur," she says walking up to her husband in the kitchen and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Chicken parmesan, the cure to a bad day at work."

"Where are the kids?" she asks while pouring herself a glass of wine.

"Glen isn't back from practice yet, Clay is upstairs with his friend Sean going over some history report and Spencer is in the living room with Ashley having a Buffy marathon."

"With Ashley?" Paula repeats, needing to know if she heard correctly.

Arthur smiles, "Yup. They've been in there since school got out."

"And this was Spencer's idea?"

"Yup."

Paula returns his smile briefly before walking into the living room. She finds both girls sitting on the couch, a respectable distance between them, but it doesn't escape the eyes of a mother that their bodies are angled slightly towards each other. "Hey girls."

"Mom," Spencer says brightly. "This is my friend Ashley, Ashley my mom."

Ashley gives a small wave and her friendliest smile, "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

"Hello Ashley. So how's the marathon going?"  
"Good, we're working on our third episode."

"And are you staying for dinner, Ashley?"

"If that's ok with you guys, I don't have anything better to do tonight."

Dinner was only slightly awkward. Ashley wasn't completely sure how to act around a real family. They sat around a table together, said grace, talked politely and inquired about each other's day. It was weird to say the least. She noticed that while more at ease at home, Spencer was still rather quiet, although she did come to Ashley's rescue a couple of times when the questions were directed at the brunette. Ashley picked up easily enough that Arthur was about the nicest guy and a good dad that just wanted his daughter to be happy. Paula was easy to read too. She did not care for her daughter's friend. That was something she was used to, parents in general tend to have an aversion to the eldest Davies girl. But when dinner came to an end Paula didn't argue when Spencer asked Ashley to stay for one more episode, which turned into three.

Finally, at ten thirty Ashley stood by the door saying her goodbyes, "Thanks for tonight, it was fun."

Spencer nods her head shyly, "It was. And thanks too, it was nice having someone to hang out with."

"You always have me to hang out with," Ashley tells her honestly.

Spencer smiles shyly again and watches as Ashley makes her way to her Porsche. She doesn't close the door until the black car is around the corner. She knows at this point she likes the brunette, she just doesn't know what to do with that information. She isn't ready for a relationship, for that level of trust, but …

#######################################

"Spencer, there's a coffee carrying brunette at the door for you!" Arthur shouts while standing to let Ashley into the Carlin home.

"What makes you think I'm not here for you Mr. Carlin?" she asks with a smirk.

He shakes his head and laughs, "Good morning to you too, Ashley. If you want to wait in the living room I am sure Spencer will be down in a minute."

But Ashley didn't make it into the living room before Spencer sped down the stairs, hair still wet from the shower, "Hey Ash, what's up?"

Ashley fought to keep her eyes from following the drop of water trickle down the front of the blonde's neck, "I brought you some coffee and thought that maybe we could continue the marathon? We didn't get through all the episodes we wanted to last night. Or we could go shopping or something. Shopping is always good. Maybe catch a movie?"

Spencer bites back her laugh and tilts her head, "I never pegged you for a rambler."

Ashley looks away blushing slightly and is thankful for Arthur taking his leave, "I, uh, I'm not usually."

"It's cute."

Her eyes snap back to blue ones, "I'll keep that in mind. So what's the verdict?"

"Well, I actually could use some new clothes. So how about mall, then Buffy? Or do you need to go home at some point?"

"I have nothing going on today. Mall and marathon sound good to me."

"Ok, um, I have to finish getting ready, you can watch TV down here or something. I promise I won't be too long."

"Alright. Want your mocha?"

"Thanks. If you keep bringing me these I am going to be as addicted as you."

"You say that like there is something wrong with it."

"That's because there is."

"I'm hurt. Now go finish getting purrty so we can get there right when the stores open."

"Purrty?"

"Go!"

Spencer makes her way back upstairs shaking her head in laughter.


	9. Chapter 9

**I really hope I did this chapter justice, it was a bit of a struggle to get out in a way that I was content with. Please read and review and remember I own nothing despite my best efforts.**

The two had been at the mall for three hours and both were laden with bags upon bags. Spencer was trying not to laugh while drinking her Orange Julius as Ashley tried to flirt her way out of paying for the treat. She had made the comment to Spencer that she could flirt her way out of paying for anything. Spencer glanced at the Orange Julius kiosk and the elderly and angry looking woman at the register, she asked for the brunette to prove it. She's been at it for five minutes.

"I give up. Here's ten bucks, forget the change," Ashley huffs throwing the bill on the counter and snatching her drink. Her eyes narrow at the now uncontrollably laughing blonde. "Not funny."

"You're right. Funny doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Fine, so there are a few select, old women, who can resist my flirting, but the vast majority of the population cannot resist me."

Spencer shrugs, "I will take the minor deflation of your ego. Now, where to next?"

"Well, normally I can spend all day in the mall, but we found things so quickly I feel like there isn't much left to do. So we could either head back to yours for some Buffy, or…hey you said you play tennis right?"

"Yeah. You want to play?"

"I could use a little something physical right now," Ashley shoots her a wink.

"Ok, hey I even bought some clothes I can wear for that. But my racket is at home."

"No problem, I've got like three unused ones in my locker at the club."

"At the club?"

"The Summer Hill Country Club. My mom's a member only because it's what the rich are supposed to do, but it works for me because I like their courts and the wait staff is hot."

"I've never been to a country club before."

"It's really nothing more than a bunch of rich snobs talking about how great it is to have a place that the people who actually work can't get in to. But it's still really pretty."

"Can I make fun of the rich snobs?"

"Of course, that's seventy five percent of the fun."

"Ok, I'm in."

"Carlin, you are going to die in that outfit. You can borrow a short sleeve shirt of mine if you want," Ashley tells Spencer as the blonde exits the stall.

"I'll be fine," Spencer tells her uncomfortably and pulls her hair back in a pony-tail. "And shouldn't you be wearing something that actually covers your ass? Where are you going to keep the tennis balls?"

"Been checking out my ass?" She takes the slight tinge of pink as a yes but doesn't push it, "That's what I have you for."

"So I am your pack mule?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"I feel so used."

Ashley shrugs, "Come on, I think the good court is open."

"Is there a bad court here?"

"No, but some are better than others. This one is right next to the pool."

"Perv."

"Eh."

Spencer follows Ashley out of the locker room and can't help but feel out of place amongst the rich. And famous, "Was that…?"

"Olivia Wilde? Yeah, some of the celebs like to come here. Probably one of the reasons mom picked this one, she has dated her share of actors and musicians."

Spencer quits moving for a minute, trying to track the celebrity as long as she can, "She is too gorgeous…"

Ashley huffs, agreeing but not liking Spencer showing interest in someone else, "Quick gawking and let's go."

"Sorry, I'm just not used to this."

"It's cool. Now come on. I want to see what Ms. I-made-it-to-state-every-year can do."

"You sure you want to see what I can do?"

"Psh, you said you haven't played for a while and are just starting to get back into shape, I think I can more than keep up."

Spencer steps in front of Ashley and looks down at the slightly shorter girl, "If you are so confident why don't we make this a little more interesting?"

"Spencer Carlin a gambler? You think you know someone," Ashley grins, "What did you have in mind?"

Spencer is quiet for a moment, "Loser buys coffee for the week."

"Ah, see, that's something you know I will agree to, but it is also very strong motivation for me to win."

"I know. I figured I would give you what help I could. First to eight?"

Ashley rethinks her belief that care-free Spencer is the most attractive now that she is faced with confident Spencer. "Let's go blondie."

The two warm up a bit and Ashley quickly realizes she is about to be out thirty bucks. Apparently playing tennis is kind of like riding a bike, because it doesn't look like Spencer has forgotten how. Ashley refuses to let Spencer see she is intimidated, and continues to taunt and trash talk. The match starts and Spencer's up forty to love off of three straight aces.

"You sure you want to keep going? We can stop now and save you from being embarrassed in front of the hot staff."

Ashley sticks her tongue out, "Just serve."

Another ace.

They have been playing for about thirty minutes and Ashley is having trouble dealing with her wounded pride. Losing is one thing. Getting your ass handed to you is another. She managed to take one game out of eight. In thirty minutes. That's terrible. Spencer, on the other hand, is smiling brightly. She hasn't said anything really since the first game, believing in sportsmanship. But she just could not stop that arrogant smile she hasn't worn for so long.

"Last set. 7-1, love all," Spencer calls as she tosses the ball into the air.

Ashley manages to return the ball and quickly gets back to the center of the court. They trade a couple of hits when Ashley slices the ball, causing it to drop just past the net. Spencer rushes forward and stretches her arm out in a desperate attempt to save the point. That doesn't happen. Instead her toe catches on the ground and she crashes. She lays there for a second, the wind knocked out of her for a minute. She hears Ashley rush over and pushes herself up before the other girl can touch her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I think so. Except maybe my arm, damn."

They both look at her left arm and see that the shirt has a large tear along the forearm from the skid across the court. Spencer quickly tries to cover it, drawing more attention than the tear itself had. "What's wrong, did you really hurt your arm or something? Is there blood?"

"No, no, it's just a bit of a scratch," Spencer says hurriedly, continuing to cradle her arm against her body.

"You sure, I mean you're acting like something's wrong. Here, let me look at it."

"It's fine. We should go back to playing."

"There could be glass in it or something."

"Why would there be broken glass on the tennis court?"  
Ashley waves the question off impatiently, "I don't know, some dumbass brought a beer onto the court. Or it could be a rock. I think you should let me look at." She looks Spencer in the eye and sees nothing but panic. Slowly she reaches out and grabs the blonde's hand and doesn't let go after the inevitable flinch. She keeps her grip light, but pulls out the arm until it is fully extended. Not breaking eye contact she tries to gently roll up the sleeve so she can get a good look. Spencer closes her eyes and her body stiffens, but she doesn't pull her arm away. Ashley looks down and doesn't notice the scrape. Instead her eyes trace the numerous lines adorning the pale skin.

"Is that from…" Ashley can't bring herself to finish the sentence.

Spencer just nods her head, tears starting to form behind her eyes.

Ashley swallows, "Why do you…?"

Spencer's eyes snap open. "I'm fucked up, why shouldn't all of my body show that?" she spits. She takes a deep breath "I…um…I...please don't tell anyone."

Ashley takes a deep breath, not expecting this at all and desperately wanting to know what would drive the beauty to such acts, "You don't have to worry about that. I promise."

"Thank you. I…" she lets out a hollow laugh, "You're the first person besides my shrink to know."

"Oh."

"It's funny, you don't think about how embarrassed you'll eventually be while you're doing it."

"Don't be embarrassed."

"Why not?" Spencer challenges. "I'm tainted and these," she waves her arm in front of Ashley's face, "prove it."

Ashley chooses her words carefully, terrified of saying the wrong thing, "Those show that you must have survived something. I don't… I don't know what happened to you, and I don't expect you to tell me right now, if ever, but it must have been terrible and here you are. These scars show that you made it through to the other side."

Spencer looks away, tears streaming down her face, "That's yet to be seen."

"Ok, so they mean you are _making_ it through. We all have a demon or two, some a helluva lot worse and scary than others, and we all deal with them differently. Some people don't deal. You…you've made it this far on your own and I just want you to know that if you want I'll be around. You don't have to share anything, feel free to use me as a distraction."

Spencer still can't bring herself to look the brunette in the eye and the tears won't stop, "Please don't treat me differently now. My family…I can't stand how careful they are around me. Keep being you?"

"I couldn't stop being charming no matter how hard I try," she offers feebly.

"Thank you. Can we, can we go now?"

"Of course." They stand and Ashley picks up the rackets following the blonde back to the locker room, silence following them both. Nothing is said as they change, drive, not even a goodbye at the Carlin home. Ashley waits to leave until Spencer enters the house, taking the slight look back her direction as a sign their newfound friendship still has a chance.

Ashley drives home in a stupor, making the right turns because by now they are instinct. The day had taken a turn she had not been prepared for. She wasn't oblivious, she's read the blonde's behavior. Her skin crawls when she thinks about her theory, her theory of what could possibly make Spencer flinch at contact and be so afraid of people. That whatever the incident was drove her to cut was a shock an hour ago, but not now, not after thinking back. She doesn't hear the music on the radio or the cars passing her, rather she hears the conversation on repeat. The only interruption being her mantra, 'Please have said the best possible things.'

"Hey sweetie, how was your day out?" Arthur asks as he hears his daughter enter.

She clears her throat, "Really fun dad. But I am kinda beat now so I think I am going to head upstairs for a nap if that's cool."

"Of course sweetie," he says coming out of the living room, but she is already half-way up the stairs. He knows his daughter is lying to him, but he doesn't challenge her.

Ashley sends a couple of standard texts Sunday, _hey what r u up 2? I am actually doing homework, you should be proud of me_. And she was not offended when Spencer answered with one word answers _nothing _and _awesome_. But Ashley made a promise to keep acting like everything was the same between them, and that's more or less what she would have done. When Monday rolls around she waits by Spencer's locker with a mocha and a grin.

"You officially kicked my ass yesterday, so as promised here's your first mocha of the week."

Spencer takes it, "Thanks." She notices her brothers are still hovering around shooting anxious glances at the singer. "I'll see you guys at lunch."

"Yeah, alright," Glen says awkwardly before turning to head to his own locker.

Clay looks at his sister with concern, "If you need…"

"I'm good, Clay. Thanks." He nods his head and leaves his sister with a smile. Spencer turns to Ashley and sighs, "Apparently I'm not as good of an actress as I thought, my whole family can tell yesterday was…rough."

"It means they care," Ashley offers uncertainly.

"Yeah."

"So Mrs. Griffith is not going to know what to do when I answer all her questions today."

"You read the whole assignment?" Spencer asks skeptically.

"Twice!" Ashley holds up two fingers with a nose crinkling grin.

Spencer lets out a small laugh and closes her locker, "You're right, she'll probably faint."

Ashley's grin turns into a pout, "It's not that shocking."

Come lunch Spencer's mood has lifted somewhat. Ashley was following through with her promise and acting exactly the same as always, like a slightly annoying flirt. Her brothers kept popping up between classes, and while she wished they wouldn't, knew it was like Ashley said, they cared. She didn't say anything at lunch though, today she reverted back to being silent, and appreciated that no one called her on it. No, that's not true. Aiden started to pry into why she was being so quiet again, not that she was particularly loud, but any more she would make small talk with the table and chat with Ashley most of lunch. But Ashley stepped in and distracted him. So maybe the brunette wasn't acting exactly the same as always, but the change was subtle enough it wasn't unwelcome.

In Psych they partnered up to discuss the reading, and once again she was surprised to find Ashley had read the assignment, twice. They lingered after the final bell as always, but couldn't chat too long because Spencer had a make-up appointment with Dr. Martin to make. So they parted ways in front of the school and Ashley received an apprehensive glance from Paula while her daughter entered the car. She responded with a smile and a wave, not wanting Spencer's mom to hate her like every other mom. She watched the Carlins leave the school lot before walking to her own car for band practice.


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter took a while to get out, but I think it might be worth it. You finally find out what happened to Spencer. Don't hate me too much, this fic was partially inspired by an episode of Criminal Minds so... Please feel welcome to review and tell me what you think. I own nothing despite my best efforts. **

Ashley tunes her guitar, clutching to the distraction for her mind. She has done her best to keep her behavior around the blonde as normal as possible, but her thoughts have been far from normal. Ever since she first saw the scars she has been unable to think of anything but what happened to Spencer. So she scheduled a band practice and threatened everyone into showing. Logan could tell something was troubling his friend, but couldn't get anything from her when he asked. When she felt everyone had enough time to get ready she stood, called out the song, and didn't wait for them to start, not even really caring if they followed. Her band mates noticed the darker song selection for the night, and how much more emotionally charged her voice was, but they didn't call her out. Instead they just gave her an outlet.

Spencer paces in Dr. Martin's office, eyes darting around. Neither has spoken since the obligatory hellos five minutes ago. Dr. Martin watches the blonde pace for another minute before she decides it has gone on long enough, "What happened?"

Spencer continues her internal debate of whether or not to tell, and how much to tell. She pauses just long enough to look into the concerned eyes of her therapist and make up her mind, "Ashley found out that I…that I cut myself."

"Ah. And how did that happen?"

"We were playing tennis. I fell and ripped my shirt. I tried to hide it from her but she insisted," her pacing picks up in pace.

"What was her response?"

"She asked why."

"Why do you cut yourself?" Dr. Martin asks softly, feeling today might finally be the day Spencer opens up.

"He scarred every other inch of me, why can't I scar up the rest? He took everything from me, I just, I feel like at least I can control and choose some of the pain." Spencer stops and stares at her psychiatrist with the most haunted eyes, "I don't care what you and my parents and even Ashley say, Spencer Carlin died that weekend."

Dr. Martin keeps quiet, relying on the silence to prompt her patient.

"I'm not strong, I wasn't even then," Spencer spits with self hatred. "I gave up hope within six hours, and he held me for thirty six."

"That may be how long he physically held you for, but his attacks on you started long before. And regardless, breaking from what he did to you is not weak."

"He stalked me for six months. I was only aware of the last two, when he started leaving the notes and gifts. At first I thought it was my girlfriend, when she denied it I assumed it was a classmate too scared to tell me in person. I ignored them, happy in my current relationship. After a month the notes started to freak me out. They talked about how beautiful I was dancing in front of my bedroom mirror, how Jessie's gift to me doesn't compare to the diamond necklace he left in my locker. Then they started to get threatening, telling me that if I kept denying we were meant to be together drastic measures would be taken. I told my family at this point, and they went to the police. He didn't like that. His next note told me he had no choice but to make me understand we were meant to be together. The next week I was never left alone. Jessie or one of my brothers gave me rides to and from school and wherever else I needed to go if my parents couldn't. I wasn't even left home alone.

"That Friday Mr. Saunders asked to see me after class to talk about an assignment. I told Jessie to wait for me in the parking lot. Mr. Saunders had always been one of my favorite teachers. He showed up ten minutes late saying he was sorry and got held up by another student. He shut the door and poured me a glass of water and started going over my rough draft of my Romeo and Juliet paper. After about five minutes he called me his Juliet. I said thanks for the extra help and left. As I started walking towards the parking lot my head started feeling fuzzy. I was also getting ready to hyperventilate. When I got to Jessie she came over looking worried and I tried to tell her Mr. Saunders was the one but I couldn't talk. She led me to her car, opened the door and sat me down. At this point my head is so off, I barely know what is going on around me. I barely registered Jessie crumpling to the ground. I found out after he hit her in the back of the head with a rock. I do, however, remember my blow to the head. And when I came too…

_ I open my eyes slowly, feeling a dull ache in my head. I try to move my arms so I can rub my eyes, do something to wake myself up, but I can't. I manage to look down and feel the pit of my stomach drop, my arms are chained to the arms of an old chair. I hear another chair creak and snap my head up, which hurts like hell, and my eyes fall on Mr. Saunders giving me a sad smile._

_ "I tried to be patient, let you come to your sense, to quit denying what exists between us. But summer's almost here, and I can't live just seeing you from a distance for three months. So I decided I would pull you out of denial, and into my arms. I'm sorry about the drugged water and your face, but I needed to get you out of there quickly before your family intervened," he reaches out and tenderly runs his fingers over what I now recognize as a bruised cheek. _

_ I swallow thickly, my head still fuzzy and find it hard to concentrate, "Jessie?"_

_ I watch as his eyes cloud over, "She's been confusing you, kept you from admitting your true feelings. I thought about killing her, but decided on top of being rather messy, you do care about her, for now. I don't want to drive you away, I want you to get over your fear of loving me. I know the age difference is a little much, ten years, but love knows no bounds. That's why you think you're in love with a girl, substituting one socially frowned upon love for another. But you don't have to lie anymore. Just admit how you really feel, and we can leave here, be together in a new life. I already have the paperwork, our new identities. You're a couple of years older and I'm a little younger to keep the talk down. It will be wonderful." When he finishes his eyes are focused past me._

_ I feel bile rise up in my throat and barely manage to keep it down, "You're crazy."_

_ He stands quickly, sending his chair flying backwards, "I love you and know we are meant to be together!"_

_ I flinch as he screams in my face, but refuse to show any other indication he intimidates me. Instead I straighten my shoulders as best I can, "I'm not in love with you. I'm not substituting Jessie in for you, you are nothing more than a favorite teacher. Or, at least you were. Now, now you are just a sad, pathetic man in dire need of some therapy. Did you have mommy issues growing up or-"_

_ My head snaps to the left and I can't stop the tears of pain from pooling behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. "I don't want this to become violent, but you're out of line, and if it takes a little tough love to make you come to your senses then so be it."_

_ I glare at him as defiantly as I can muster, years of practice with my Catholic mother, and raise my chin, "Nothing you do will ever make me love you. Hell, nothing you do will make me think you are better than the scum on the bottom of my shoe."_

_ This time my head snaps to the right and I see stars. A sock is roughly pushed into my mouth and I try to scream anyways when he grabs the back of my hair and jerks my head back. "Actions speak louder than words I am told, so no more talking." He releases my hair and unlocks my chains. I immediately shove him as best I can and try to make a break for the door. I don't make it. Instead I am shoved into the wall and I can feel him pressing along my back. He grabs around me and lifts me up easily, I flail but he never loses his grip. When he tosses me on the bed I try to run again, but he's back and on top of me. I feel him grab one hand that's clawing at him and raising it above my head, then the other, and they are tied to the headboard. I buck wildly, desperate to get him off of me, but he's too strong and I can't keep him from forcing his way between my legs. I hear more than feel my clothes being ripped from my body. I open my eyes when his moments still, praying he has come out of whatever psychotic break he's in. Instead I have to fight the bile again upon seeing the twisted loving gaze slipping over my naked body. He sheds his own clothes and I snap my eyes shut, I don't know what I ever did to deserve this. I try to scream, but the sock is still lodged in my mouth._

_ When he finishes he runs his hands through my hair, smiling fondly, "I know that was better than anything you've experienced before."_

_ He removes the sock and I take some precious breaths. I lock eyes with him and I can tell he is waiting for me to affirm his statement. Instead I turn my head and throw up finally. When I look back at him I hope he sees how much I hate him, "Fuck you."_

_ He hits me again, so I repeat, "Fuck you."_

_ This time he tries to hurt me. _

_ "There has to be a way out," I whisper for the thousandth time as I sit against the headboard as best I can in my naked, bruised, bleeding and chained state. According to the bedside clock he's been gone for an hour. He went to get us food. When he asked what I wanted I said nothing, scared to provoke him for a fourth time, but unable to give him the satisfaction of my compliance. I spent the first fifteen minutes struggling to free myself. All I succeeded in accomplishing was chaffing my wrists so bad they bled. My eyes started darting around the room since I realized I couldn't break out of my chains, hoping that they will eventually land on something that will be the key to my escape. _

_ I still when footsteps disturb the silence. He enters with a frown and closes the door with his eyes locked on mine. He just stands there for a minute, then something snaps and he hurls the bags of food against the wall, "They're looking for you. If you wouldn't have been so difficult we could have been far away in a new life. Now the cops are everywhere. Why did you have to be so difficult?" he finishes with a scream and starts to pace furiously. _

_ I wait a minute, trying to ensure my voice comes out strong, "You could just let me go. I wouldn't tell anyone it was you."_

_ He stops and stares at me again, "Why would I let you go? We are meant to be!"again he is screaming and now he is walking towards me. He grabs my ankle and yanks me down until my shoulder hurts from the strain. "What, are you thinking you can do better than me?"_

_ I fight back the tears of pain and set my jaw, "A pig is better than you."_

_ He blinks once. Twice. Then blinks for a third time. He lets go of my ankle and stands with the coldest look yet in his eyes. I feel the bottom of my stomach drop. He turns and leaves without a word, increasing my panic. There is no shaking the feeling that when he returns I will most likely die, and I begin to sob uncontrollably whispering over and over that I do not want to die. These fears are more than confirmed when he re-enters with that same cold glint and more than a little insanity in his eyes. Then mine fall on the wicked blade in his hand and I use all my strength to stop the flow of tears. He walks to the end of the bed and stops, eyes roving my body._

_ "You think I'm worse than a pig. That I am beneath you?" his voice is low and even, far scarier than his screams. "We'll see who else wants you when they see how damaged you are."_

_ The first slash is to my left high and I scream in agony. Three more follow. I thrash, trying to escape his blade which only prompts him to straddle me. Once he has me pinned he runs the blade up my side, just soft enough not to break the skin. "I have no intention of killing you," he whispers as he increases the pressure and blood trickles from my hip-bone to just below my breast. "I do, however, have every intention of making you hurt as much as I do."_

_ Through sobs I manage to choke out, "Please…I do hurt…stop…please."_

_ "You broke my heart, do you really think you are in as much pain?"_

_ I try to keep count of the slashes, try to focus my mind on anything, but after eighteen I can only focus on the pain. Darkness consumes me shortly after and one thought manages to cut through the pain, 'Please don't let me wake up.'_

_ But I do wake up, to ice cold water hitting my face and my body jerks so hard I feel my shoulder pop out of it's socket. Fresh tears spring into my eyes but I bite back the scream. Calloused hands brush away the escaping tears and I jerk away from the contact, then brace myself for the response. For once it doesn't come. Instead I feel the shackle around my left wrist come undone. Then he helps me into a sitting position and tells me to try and relax, then he pops my shoulder back into place. He sits down by my feet and watches me cradle my throbbing arm with confused eyes. I am unable to maintain eye contact, and instead take in the multitude of blood-stained bandages wrapping much of my body. _

_ "I stopped once I realized you passed out."_

_ I realize right then he's won. Before I would have retorted, 'Because torture is ok so long as the person is conscious,' but not now, now I keep quiet and pray that the next time he decides to hurt me he will take what's left of my life. I watch him carefully, waiting for him to act. _

_ "I…this is not how I imagined this going. I knew it would require a little convincing, a little persuading that it was ok to be honest in your love for me, but I never imagined you would be so deep in denial. I didn't plan on hurting you, beyond the blow to the head to get you here, but you…you make me crazy. I needed to make you understand. But it took too long, and now I don't know what to do. I don't think we can leave town, but now that I have you I can't let you go."_

_ I still cannot look at him, instead focusing my eyes on my bandaged thighs. He doesn't like this, "Look at me." I do so immediately. "We could live here, for a while, wait for the cops to lose hope of finding you. It's only been a six hours, give them more time and we can make our escape."_

_ I look away and nod my head shakily, "Ok."_

_ "Why aren't you looking at me?" he asks, anger creeping back into his voice._

_ My eyes go back to his, but that fails to pacify him. His fist collides with the side of my face and I see stars, "Not like that! Your eyes have always been your best feature, so vibrant, don't look at me with hallow eyes!"_

_ My spine makes a brief comeback, "Maybe my eyes wouldn't be hollow if you didn't rape and torture me." I immediately regret the return of my boldness as he practically leaps on my, fists repeatedly making contact with my face. The darkness returns, and once again my pleas fall on deaf ears._

"The next thirty hours go on like that. Him hitting, or cutting, or raping me until I pass out, then waking up to bandages and him trying to explain…" Spencer is curled into a ball on the couch, body shaking and eyes haunted.

"But you were rescued," Dr. Martin says quietly.

Her statement is followed by the hollow laugh Spencer likes to give, and this time it makes her skin crawl, "I was found by the cops, taken away before we could make our escape, I wasn't rescued. Rescue implies survival."

"What happened when the cops found you?"

"It was early Sunday morning. He was sleeping next to me, arms wrapped around me. My eyes were swollen shut and my entire body hurt. He woke up to a noise outside and he placed a hand over my mouth. We both listened, but when no other noise came he relaxed and got up to go to the bathroom. Not long after he left the door opened again and three cops came in. They signaled for me to keep quiet, then turned to the cops outside the door. Next thing I knew there was sounds of a fight and they were dragging him down the hallway, him screaming they couldn't keep us apart.

"They unchained me, called the paramedics, and I spent the next week in the hospital, my family never left my side. Jessie was there a lot too, but whenever one of them would touch me, or even tell me they loved me, I would flinch away."

Spencer just stopped there. She couldn't go on any more. A part of her felt better for finally confiding in someone. She had told the police only the bare minimum, enough to make the case, and they left it at that. Her parents tried to get the whole story, but she could not share it with them, share her death. So she kept it bottled up, and while finally letting it out will in theory make her feel like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, at the moment she cannot get past the memories. She notices that they have run out of time for their session, but Dr. Martin is not making her leave. Instead she lets the broken girl sit and try to pull herself back together.


	11. Chapter 11

**This was hard to get out because I wasn't sure how to follow up the last chapter, but overall I think I am happy with this. I think I should be able to get the next couple of chapters up fairly quickly because for once I know what the next couple are going to be, more or less. So read, enjoy, review! I own nothing despite my best efforts.**

"Ash!" Jake yells for a third time. The lead singer finally stops and looks at him with confusion, "Your phone has been going off for the last couple of minutes and it is starting to throw me off."

She blinks slowly, trying to comprehend through her musically induced haze. When she does she steps away from the mic and checks her phone. Four missed calls from her sibling. She debates for a second before Kyla calls again. The singer answers with a scowl and knows her sister can pick up on it even over the phone, "I'm in the middle of band practice."

"I'm so sorry, but I need a ride home."

"How is this my problem? You're the one who forgot your boyfriend had practice and couldn't give you a ride home until later. Actually, shouldn't his practice almost be over by now? Just wait."

"Practice is almost over, but coach is making him spend extra time in the weight room and I have to finish getting things ready for the student council meeting tomorrow."

"Again, why is this my problem? I am in the middle of my own practice. You can wait until jock-strap is done getting sweaty."

"Please Ash? I need to get this done, people are counting on me getting this done, and I have homework on top of it. I am begging you to find it in your heart to please do me a favor?"

Just like she was certain Kyla knew she was scowling, she knew Kyla was pouting, "You owe me."

"Thank you so much!"

Ashley hangs up and turns to her band mates, "Sorry, my dumbass of a sister needs a ride."

"That's cool," Logan jumps in. "We got a good hour in. Why don't we meet again tomorrow though?" Everyone mumbled that would work then went about packing up their stuff.

As Spencer finally makes her way to the door, twenty minutes after her session ended, Dr. Martin speaks quietly, "Tonight will probably be rougher than normal. This is my cell number, call me at anytime to talk." Spencer takes the paper and slips it into her back pocket without looking at it.

"Thank you Ashley," Kyla says sweetly as she slips into her sister's car. "I completely spaced that I am supposed to have a report about the candy and pop machines done for the council meeting tomorrow."

Ashley rolls her eyes, "A report? Really? This is a student council, and you have to have a report done?"

"Well, they didn't tell me I needed to do a report, but we are discussing the issue tomorrow and everyone has come to trust me to get the information gathered so we can make smart, educated decisions that affect the rest of the school."

"You take your position as School Secretary too seriously."

"At least I take something seriously," Kyla fires back.

Ashley turns to stare at her sibling, "I do take something seriously, my music. And I do believe you had no problem asking me to cut my practice short so you could get home early for something you had plenty of time to do already."

Kyla smiles sheepishly, "Have I told you that you are a wonderful sister?"  
"That's what I thought."

They drive a while in silence before it gets to Kyla, "So how was band practice?"

"Fine."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

They finished the ride in silence, leaving Kyla to wonder when their relationship got so bad. There used to be a time when they could talk to each other about what was going on in their lives. Now the only conversations they share are either about non-important issues or fights. If she was honest, she knew when they started to slip apart, when their father died nearly three years prior. They had been a close family as a whole, but the loss of the patriarch took its toll. Their mother had never been the best, and with the loss of their father she became even more distant. Kyla dealt with the disaster by investing her energy into school activity after school activity; student council, prom committee, Spanish club, drama, speech, anything and everything to distract her. Ashley was not so…constructive. She bottled everything up and turned to drinking and partying, trying to convince everyone that she was fine. And the drinking and partying only got worse with time, not better. Kyla didn't know how to reach out to her sister, and her sister never made the effort to reach out to her. They had their moments where they were just sisters again, enjoying a private joke or teasing each other in that way only siblings are allowed to. But those instances were becoming far and in between.

"Earth to Kyla," Ashley waved her hand in front of the younger girl's face, "we're home and if I remember correctly you have work to do."

"Oh, yeah, sorry, spaced out."

"I didn't notice," Ashley says dryly. Kyla sticks out her tongue and exits the car.

Ashley takes her guitar out of her back seat before following. An idea has been floating around her head for a while now, but she has not been able to get it out, and she wants to try tonight while her sister is preoccupied and not trying to get them to participate in sisterly bonding time like she has been prone to do. Ashley loves her sister, and knows that she hasn't exactly been showing it lately, but forced time together is not going to change it. She doesn't know how to talk to her sister any more; she doesn't know how to talk to anyone really. Over the last three years she has created a persona, an image of the carefree wild child who is confident and charming, but it is only rarely she lets anyone see how scared and unsure she really is. And that's how she wants it. Being vulnerable around people only leads to heartache. She is honest with her friends, but does so without opening up. She brags about her weekend conquests without batting an eye, but talking about why she does the things she does? Not so much.

One a.m. and Spencer bolts up screaming and drenched in sweat. She closes her eyes and tries to take deep breaths. The dream was worse, more vivid, and she considered calling Dr. Martin. But she doesn't want to talk about her dream or what caused it. But her breathing and heart rate are not slowing down and every time she closes her eyes she sees his. She reaches for her phone and dials. After the third ring she starts to question her decision and has her finger on the end button when the other end picks up.

"Spencer?" is the groggy greeting.

"Sorry, I woke you up. I should just…never mind."

"I'm up now so we might as well talk."

"I guess. How was the rest of your day?" Spencer tries lamely.

"Eh, alright. Kyla annoyed the Hell out of me, so nothing out the ordinary." Ashley pauses, expecting Spencer to ask what exactly Kyla did, but all she hears is shaky breathing. "She interrupted my band practice because she got a ride to school with Aiden and didn't think through that she would need a ride home. She can be such a dumbass."

"I think it's a requirement of siblings to be inconvenient dumbasses."

"I can definitely see your twin meeting those requirements. But, there is a flaw in your logic."

"I think logic is the wrong word there."

"What?"

"Logic implies I provided an argument, went from point A to point B, I feel like I just gave you a theory."

Spencer hears Ashley roll her eyes, "Fine, then there is a flaw with your theory."

"Which is?"

"If all siblings are dumbasses, it means that applies to moi, and I most certainly am not a dumbass. I am a badass and can be a smartass and lazy-ass, but never a dumbass."  
Spencer gives a weak laugh, "At this point I will accept your argument, but the second I catch you being a dumbass I will make sure to point it out."

"Not gonna happen, but it's good to have a hobby."

A moment of silence, "So how was band practice, before Kyla interrupted."

"Fine while it lasted. Went over some songs, nothing special. It was cut short because she somehow managed to convince me to go get her. I think she could tell I was pissed because she ordered Chinese from my favorite place. That's pretty much how our relationship works; we piss the other off and apologize with food."

"Wish my brothers would do that, food speaks volumes."

"Agreed. Although Kyla and I do have to be careful not to choose food that requires steak knives."

"Why?"

"Some things I will take to my grave."

"Over dramatic much?"

"I resent that."  
"I speak only the truth."

They share a comfortable silence and Ashley notes the easier breathing of her friend. She looks at her clock and sees one twenty flashing at her but doesn't consider being the one to end the conversation. "Have you decided what you are going to write your psych paper on? I was thinking split personality disorder, I get accused of it often enough it should be easy enough to write."

Another small laugh, "That's what you get accused of? Not that you have narcissistic personality disorder?"

"Once again I am resenting what you say."

"Sorry."

"Don't. It is a friend's job to give the other shit."

"I'll keep that in mind." Another comfortable silence. "Thanks Ashley."

"Anytime."

Spencer hears the honesty in her friend's voice and smiles softly, "Goodnight."

"Night."

Spencer arrives at school more exhausted than normal. Talking with Ashley had helped to calm her down, but it did not keep her demons at bay. His eyes haunted her in the darkness until she gave up on sleep and turned on music videos. When her alarm went off at seven she was already showered and dressed. She was not surprised to find Ashley standing by her locker with caffeinated drinks in hand.

"So two days down and three to go, and I am never playing tennis with you again," the brunette teases while handing over the steaming cup, trying not to frown at the more pronounced dark circles.

"Ego can't take it?"

"Mmmm…"

Spencer decides to lay off her friend, "Did you read the assignments for a second day in a row?"

"Well…I skimmed them. Baby steps, Spencer, baby steps."

"Baby steps," Spencer muses while they enter their classroom. "That's true, you wouldn't want to freak the teachers out. And you have your reputation as a badass to uphold."

"My thoughts exactly."

That night Ashley sits on her bed with scraps of paper littered around her, the song idea still floating around but refusing to be pinned down. She strums her guitar absently and hums the melody that she's been hearing for the last couple of nights. With a frustrated sigh she lays her guitar down and starts to pile the papers together. Her actions are stopped by her phone. She glances at the caller ID and isn't sure how to feel about the blonde calling her once again.

"Hey Spencer."

"Hey Ashley," comes the unsteady reply.

The blonde doesn't say anymore and Ashley recognizes what her friend wants, "Band practice was pretty awesome today. Well, except for when Logan had to break up a fight between Josh and Crystal. Yet again. I swear I cannot understand why the two of them date. They fight and break up so often they've spent more of their time together apart. They've been the reason for so many cancelled practices I have seriously considered kicking them out."

"Why don't you?"

Ashley sighs and runs a hand through her hair, "Because they are so good. And better the devil you know and all that. I know exactly where I stand with them, what to worry about, what they are capable of, what to expect. And Josh is a great composer. All of our original songs I have written the lyrics and him the music."

"From what I heard that day you guys work pretty well together."

"Not really," Ashley laughs. "We actually kind of hate each other. We just understand that we need the other if we want to make it."

"So a purely professional relationship."

"Yup. And it's working, more or less. We've gotten a couple of gigs that have gone well and we just got another one that could be huge."

"Really?" Spencer asks with genuine excitement for her friend.

"Yeah, it's in a couple of weeks at this place called Dominick's. It's a 21 only bar and we are the first opening act for Killola."

"Killola! Really?"

"You know them?"

"Yeah! _I Don't Know Who_ is one of my favorite songs. When I first heard it I played it about ten times a day for a week straight."

"That song is sweet as hell, but that seems a little intense," Ashley teases. "You know, I could probably get you in and backstage if you want."

"I don't know…"

Ashley hears anxious Spencer coming out and rushes on, "You've got like three weeks to decide and see if it fits into your schedule so no rush. Just give me a couple of day's heads up if it is a go so I can make sure."

"Thanks."

"Of course. What's the point of being a rock star if you can't hook your friends up?"

"Sounds to me that you need to be a rock star so you can buy your friends."

"I am hurt that you don't believe my shining personality is enough. And, what does that say about you, friend?"

"It says that I was not smart enough to wait for better perks before agreeing to be your friend."

"Since when did you become so sassy?"

A soft laugh reaches Ashley's ears, "I don't know, I blame you."

"I am not sassy, I am…"

"Ha! Told you."

"Its one thirty in the morning, it is not my fault if my brain is unable to function properly and come up with the appropriate word."

Spencer lets out another soft laugh, "A bird's going to fly by and poop on your lip."

"Ew! What?"  
"I can hear you pouting through the phone."

The brunette snorts, "You think you know me so well."

"That's not denying it," Spencer says victoriously.

"And I can hear you gloating through the phone, and I must say, gloating is not very attractive."

Spencer rolls her eyes, "Uh huh." She glances at her clock, "Thank you Ash."

"Anytime, Spence."

"See you in the morning."

"Ugh, it's only seven hours away."

"I think you'll live, you baby."

"Did you just call me baby?"

"Goodnight Ashley."

"Night Spencer."

Thursday rolls around and Ashley sits in bed, staring at her phone. Sure enough around 1 it goes off and she doesn't let it get to the second ring. "Hey."

"Hey."

"So Madison was definitely PMS-ing today."

"That's an understatement."

"I thought that freshman was going to break down in the middle of the hall, I'm impressed he made it to the bathroom."

"Me too."

Ashley tried to come up with something else to say. It was an unspoken agreement that she never asked Spencer questions about her or her day at night so she had to find things that happened to her that were worth talking about, "I've been trying to write this song for the last few days and it is not wanting to cooperate."

"Huh?"

"It's like, I have this song in me, in my head, but I haven't quite found it yet. I keep trying to write it, to get the words and the melody out, but I can't grasp them. It is really effing annoying, because I keep hearing bits and pieces in my head but not enough."

"Hearing things, isn't that a sign of schizophrenia?"

"So we are back to what psychological disorder I have?"

"You seem to fall under many categories so it only makes sense it would be a common topic."

"And there you go being sassy again."

Ashley hears that soft laugh she has become familiar with. It's her goal at night to hear it, it means Spencer is calming down from whatever, she assumes nightmare, prompted the call. "So my mom is leaving town this weekend, again. I swear, if that woman spends more than a week in LA she'll die."

"That's gotta suck."

Ashley shrugs even though she knows the blonde won't know, "I've gotten used to it. It's not like she is really here when she is home. She is either working or busy being a socialite."

"Still…"

Ashley takes a deep breath, "Yeah, it sucks. But like I said, I got used to it. I wouldn't mind so much if she took an interest in my life. She used to at least pretend, ask how things were going. She still hasn't seen me play."

"I'm sorry. Sometimes parents just don't get what their kids really need."

"Yeah. Whatever, I still know I am badass and my band rocks."

Spencer is silent for a moment and Ashley is about to start talking again but then the blonde surprises her, "You really mean that you can get me in to the Killola concert?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"Really?" Ashley can't contain her excitement and she is practically bouncing on her bed.

"Yeah, how can I pass up an opportunity to get backstage at a concert? And besides, as your friend it is my duty to be standing there with a lighter during your big performance."

"Hahaha, yeah…that might not be necessary but I am really glad you decided to come. I promise you won't regret it."

"I better not," Spencer teases, but Ashley can hear the real fear in her voice and knows that this is a really big deal for Spencer.

"I promise," she repeats with utter sincerity.

"Well, we do have that thing called school in the morning, so I should probably let you get your beauty sleep."

"I don't need sleep to be hot."

"Goodnight Ash. And thanks again."

"Anytime. Night Spence."


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry, I thought I was going to get this out faster. I hope you enjoy it, it is a bit of a filler but I still think important. I will hopefully get the next chapter up in a much more timely fashion. As always I own nothing despite my best efforts.**

"So, my mother is gone for the weekend, which means party at my place. Everyone's invited but it is b.y.o.b. because even I can't afford to keep buying that much alcohol," Ashley says as she reaches Madison's locker.

Madison looks at her friend with an unsure expression, "You really sure you want to host another party? The last one got a little out of control."

The rock star waves her hand dismissively, "It wasn't that bad. So I had to tap into my funds a bit to cover the damage, nothing major."

"I don't think Kyla would agree with you."

Ashley huffs, "Look, you don't have to come if you don't want to. I was just informing you that I am hosting a party tonight that will be epic."

The Latina rolls her eyes, "Quit being so dramatic, I am just trying to make sure that you think before you act for once."

"So you're in?" Ashley asks with a smile.

"Duh. Someone has to keep an eye on you. You going to invite Spencer? The two of you have gotten pretty close lately." Madison asks in a failed attempt at being smooth.

"Nah, she would say no. Parties aren't exactly her thing," Ashley debates whether to continue, she hasn't talked to anyone besides Logan about her new friendship. "And to be honest I really don't know if I want her there."

"Why not?"

"I don't like the idea of her being around so many people out of control. Of being around me when I lose control," she finishes unable to look her friend in the eye.

"Just because you are at a party does not mean that you have to lose control," Madison points out, completely thrown by the brunette's concern.

Ashley gives a disbelieving laugh, "Right, because I am someone with an abundance of self control. I want to party, it's been a while, and that's not a side of me I want Spencer to see. Simple as that."

Madison looks at her friend surprised not to see her exuding the confident rock star persona carefully cultivated over the last couple of years. Rather she sees a young girl unsure about what she wants, "If you say so."

"You look tired," Dr. Martin says as Spencer enters the office and takes her seat on the couch.

"I always look tired anymore," the blonde responds with a shrug.

The psychiatrists sighs, "So you are back to deflecting and not answering my question?"

"I wasn't aware you asked me a question."

"I can't decide if you being snarky is progress or not. You never took me up on my offer for you to call me, and it looks like you have been getting even less sleep than normal. Have your nightmares been worse?"

"Yeah."

"Would you care to tell me about your nightmares?"

Spencer shifts on the leather making it squeak, "Can I not today? Monday was so heavy, I really don't want that again in the same week."

"Alright. The offer to call me still stands."

"Thanks but…I've been calling Ashley."

"Really?" Dr. Martin asks genuinely intrigued.

Spencer smiles lightly, "Yeah, Monday night I woke up and thought about calling you, but I was not up for any serious talk. So I called Ashley, and she helped me take my mind off of the nightmare. At least for a bit. I wound up calling her the rest of the week, and she always answered. And not once did she ask me why. Not even at school the next day. I still failed at getting back to sleep after our talks, but they helped calm me down."

"That's very good. I'm glad you have found someone you feel safe enough to turn to."

"Yeah."

"Since you want to stay away from anything too heavy, let's talk about your family."

"Kyla, hurry up, it's nine and people are starting to show up!" Ashley yells up the stairs.

"I will come down when I am ready!"

Ashley throws up her hands and goes to great her guests. It doesn't take long at all for the main level of the house to fill up. Despite what her friend's think, she learns from her mistakes and made sure to lock all doors on the upper levels minus one bathroom. Luckily for her, the main floor is more than enough room for a hundred or so drunken students. Most of the kids come with a couple of forties, a few with 12 packs and then there are the real partiers who come bearing tequila or vodka. She set out a bit of liquor for those who couldn't get a hold of a fake or didn't have the money, but never again would she be shelling out the couple of hundred needed for this many people.

Kyla eventually make her way downstairs wearing a low cut red blouse and a short black skirt with a slit up the side for good measure. As soon as Ashley sees her sister she pours herself two shots of tequila and downs them without much fuss. Kyla may hate when Ashley randomly decides to throw a party, but she loves playing hostess. Which works out perfectly for Ashley because that leaves her free to party as hard as she wants to.

"Hola chica," Madison greets with a hip bump. "Pour me one of those."

"I thought I told you it was bring your own?"

"I'm best friends with the host, that doesn't apply to me. Now pour bitch."

Ashley pours a shot and slides it over to her friend then fills another shot for herself. "To being young and too hot for the masses."

"You are so cheesy," Madison teases before downing the shot. She makes a bit of a face, "Next time you better have salt and lime ready."

"Wimp."

The Latina rolls her eyes, "Come on, let's dance. And no leaving me for some hussy tonight!"

"I won't if you won't."

Ten minutes on the make shift dance floor and the girls are interrupted, "Damn Madison, you are looking hot tonight!"

The girls look over to see Glen standing nearby. Madison looks to Ashley, smiles sweetly and leaves, wrapping her arms around the basketball player. Ashley just laughs and goes back to dancing, knowing she won't be dancing alone for long.

"I thought your friend would never leave," whispers a husky voice.

Ashley grins and tilts her head enough to see who is pressed firmly against her back. Sasha, a blonde she hooked up with a couple of times over the summer, "Should I be concerned you are stalking me?"

The girl's hands go to Ashley's hips and push their bodies even closer together, "Oh don't worry, I know exactly what we are. Fuck buddies is a little crude, but it is the most accurate. I'm just sad it's been so long."

Ashley lets the tequila take over and turns to the girl, wrapping her arms around her neck. She notices that while the hair is about the right color, the eyes are way off, brown when they should be blue. The girl is hot to be sure, but just a little too skinny really, and too tall. Her smile is seductive, but it fails to take Ashley's breath away. Ashley frowns when she realizes what she is thinking.

"What's wrong? You don't have a girlfriend do you? I pegged you as a player, not a dater."

"No, I'm not dating anyone. I just…just need some more to drink." Ashley stops dancing and grabs the blonde's hand, leading her to the kitchen and the alcohol. There she runs into her sister and Aiden.

"Hey Ash," Aiden says while sipping his beer.

Kyla looks from her sister to Sasha and back and shakes her head, "So who's your friend?"

Sasha wraps her arms around Ashley's neck and sends an arrogant smirk to the younger Davies girl, "Sasha, Ashley and I met over the summer."

"Ah, one of the summer sluts," Kyla says with a sweet smile.

"Shut it Kyla," Ashley snaps. She grabs the bottle of tequila but is stopped short of pouring.

"I'm thinking body shots."

Ashley turns her brown eyes to lust filled ones, "I think that can be arranged."

"Do you really have to do that tonight Ashley?" Kyla asks irritated.

"It's her party, her house," Sasha shrugs.

Kyla steps forward and Aiden places his hand on her shoulder, "It is also my party and my house. And every time Ashley decides to do body shots something gets broken."

"Never have understood why that happens," Aiden says in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Ashley rolls her eyes, "Relax Kyla, we are throwing a party. And if you haven't noticed, I went through the house hours ago putting all of the expensive shit away just in case things got a little rowdy." Kyla shakes her head and leaves dragging Aiden with her. Ashley turns back to Sasha, "If we are doing body shots you are going to have to lose the shirt."

The night goes on and Ashley finds herself upstairs with Sasha. Both are quite drunk, making their movements sloppy, but that doesn't matter. Sasha was right, they are fuck buddies and right now Ashley really feels like she needs some. Sasha is lying beneath her, back arched and sweat covering her body. Ashley's hand stills when her phone goes off.

"Fuck, what time is it?" she tries to find it but Sasha beats her to it.

"Spencer? I thought you were into girls."

"She is. Now can I have my phone?" Ashley holds out her and expectantly.

"Really? Who the hell is so important you would stop screwing me just as I am about to cum?"

Ashley frowns impatiently, "You don't understand, I have to answer that."

"Oh really?" Sasha raises an eyebrow, flips the phone open and answers, "Hello? No I am sorry Ashley is a little busy right now but I'll be done with her in an hour or so if you want to try again then I am sure she can answer your booty call." Ashley lunges for the phone but being drunk she winds up on the floor. "Night." Sasha shuts the phone and looks down at the panic stricken brunette.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Oh come on, you said you weren't dating anyone, this girl has to know she isn't the only girl you are sleeping with."

"I'm not sleeping with her," Ashley grinds out while getting to her feet. She runs a hand through her hair, "Fuck. I told her anytime."

"What are you rambling about?"

Ashley opens her mouth then closes it. She takes a deep breath, "I think you need leave."

"What? You're joking right? You can't just tell me to leave when a second ago you were three fingers deep. It would be one thing if you got me off but – "

"I'm not joking, get your skanky ass out."

Sasha stands and puts her clothes on, staring at Ashley with confused eyes the whole time. When she reaches the door she turns her head back, "Luckily for you I am not one to hold a grudge. When you finish playing with what's-her-name I'll still be around."

Once her bedroom door closes Ashley races over to her phone and dials Spencer's number. It goes to voicemail. She tries again. Same result. She tries one more time and when once again is met with the recorded message she leaves one of her own, "Spencer, I am so sorry about that. Please, call me back?"

Ashley stays up the rest of the night, listening to the party down below coming to an end. She never lets her phone out of her sight, even when she picks up her guitar and starts strumming that song that refuses to completely come out.

Spencer continues to flip through the channels mindlessly as the Grandmother Clock downstairs strikes four. She knows she really has no reason to be mad at Ashley, but she is. Anytime. That's what the brunette told her every night for the past week. Stupid of her to think she should take that literally. Of course Ashley would be having fun on a Friday night. With some girl. 'I can't believe I keep fixating on that. I'm not ready to like someone.'

Seven rolls around and she is still flipping from channel to channel pausing here and there. She hears the main door open and someone stumble through. Her body tenses and she strains her ears. Logically she knows that it is probably Glen coming home from some party or other, but her body refuses to listen to logic. She hears the potential intruder climb the stair and holds her breath until she hears what is clearly her brother's voice curse after a thud.

"Glen?" she calls out softly. She doesn't get a response and wonders if he could hear her. Before she can call out again there is a tap at her door, "Come in."

Glen pokes his head in and drunk grin firmly in place, "Hey Spence."

"You sure are getting home late, er early."

He giggles, "Yeah, Ashley's party was pretty intense. Madison was there."

She frowns upon hearing it was Ashley's party but doesn't comment on that, "I don't want to know what you and Madison did." He giggles again signifying he is completely wasted still. "You didn't drive home did you?"

"No, I'm not that stupid. Ashley had the numbers for a couple of different cab companies posted around the house. Quite the thinker, that Ashley. Oh yeah! She told me to tell you she was sorry." He looks proud for a second before he frowns, "Why is she sorry? Do I need to go all big brother on her ass?"

Spencer manages a smile and a light laugh, "No you don't need to go all big brother on her ass. She just, it is nothing you need to worry about. Now go drink some water and get to sleep."

"Water, yeah, that's a good idea. You're a thinker too," he smiles again. "Goodnight Spencer."

"Night Glen." She watches her brother leave and shut the door then turns her head back to the television. She manages to stare at it for an entire minute before she grabs her phone. _You don't have any reason to be sorry._ Not even a full minute later her phone buzzes. She looks at the response _I do and I am. I told you anytime. _

Spencer can't help the smile that starts to slip across her face. _It's ok. _She sends the message then starts typing again. _Are you and that girl finished? Is this when I ask for a booty call?_

This response takes a little bit longer. _I kicked her out hours ago. I am not opposed to a booty call. Seriously tho if you still want to talk…_

Spencer thinks about it for a minute. _Thanks but it kind of passed._

_ How about coffee later today then? I know this awesome café. I want to make it up to you._

_ Ok. I am free after one._

_I will pick you up at one thirty _

_ Mk_

Spencer shuts her phone and looks back at the clock, it is now 7:30 and she can hear her parents start to wake. She doesn't understand, if she could sleep there is no way she would get up so early on a Saturday. She continues to lay in bed until she can smell breakfast and decides she would like to eat a hot breakfast.

She is greeted in the kitchen by her mother, "Morning sweetie."

"Morning mom," she sniffs and looks at the stove, "Mm French Toast."

"Your father may be the chef of the family but my French Toast beats his any day," Paula says teasingly.

"Keep telling yourself that honey," Arthur says while entering the kitchen. He stoops to give his daughter a kiss and she stiffens but doesn't pull away. He walks over to his wife and gives her a kiss as well. "So are you ladies ready for some family fun? We are doing an art museum today right?"

"That's the plan," Paula tells her husband while sliding some French toast onto a plate. "Why don't you go and wake up Clay and Glen. We need to get going early since I have to be at work by two."

Spencer snorts, "Glen might be taking a pass on today."

"And why's that?" Paula asks in a sever tone.

"I heard him this morning, he sounded sick," she tries.

"I'll bet," Paula hands her spatula to her husband, "On second thought, I will go wake the boys up."

Five minutes later Clay comes downstairs yawning followed by a sick looking Glen and a smug Paula, "Now Glen, I am so sorry that you aren't feeling well but we have had this family activity planned for weeks now. So why don't you eat some breakfast, then go get cleaned up." Glen just nods his head while his siblings laugh.

Ashley walks down the hallway to the bathroom and nearly runs into her sister, "Jesus Kyla."

"Can you keep your voice down?" Kyla whispers in the raspiest voice Ashley has ever heard.

Ashley snickers, "You are such a lightweight."

"Shut up," Kyla looks around her sister, "Where' the slut?"

Ashley shifts uncomfortably, "She got kicked to the curb hours ago."

Kyla manages to raise an eyebrow for a second before she decides it isn't worth it, "That seems a little harsher than normal. You usually let them spend the night when they are so wasted."

"Yeah well, this time I didn't."

"Why? And don't lie to me I know when you are uncomfortable about something."

Ashley runs a hand through her hair, "She um, she pissed me off."

"And what did she do to piss you off?"

"Aren't you too hung over to be this persistent?"

"No, now answer."

Ashley blows out a puff of air, "She answered my phone when Spencer called."

Kyla frowns, not at all aware of the late night conversations, "Why did Spencer call? And what did the slut say?"

"Look, I…Spencer…she calls me sometimes at night just to talk," Ashley did not feel it was her place to give her theories about the blonde and her late night calls. "Sasha answered and was a bit of a bitch so I told her to leave."

"I see." Kyla rubs her eyes, "You really like Spencer, don't you?"

"Of course I like her, she's my friend."

"Don't use that clichéd line on me. You legit like her."

"And if I do?"

Kyla shrugs, "Quit being a whore and show her that she can trust you." With that Kyla goes back into her bedroom, closing the door as quietly as she can.


	13. Chapter 13

**So I lied and this took a while to get out. Partially because I keep writing bits and pieces to the whole thing and not what comes next and partially because my computer went MIA for a little while. I give you the latest chapter, hope you enjoy, read, review and just have a nice day. As always I own nothing despite my best efforts.**

Ashley studies the blonde beauty across from her and realizes she wants to call this a date. That scares her. What scares her even more are the dark circles under Spencer's eyes. She knows that they don't talk about the phone calls, about why they happen, but Ashley feels she needs to try. She needs to let Spencer know if she ever decides to talk she can, "You look like you haven't slept in months."

Spencer seems startled by the question and does not answer immediately, choosing to sip her mocha instead. When she does answer her voice is very neutral, calculated, "I have not had a good night's sleep in a long time."

Ashley licks her lips nervously, "Why?"

Spencer surveys her friend. When Dr. Martin asks she does so because it is her job, the psychiatrist sounds confident through her gentle voice. Ashley sounds nervous, scared even, but she asks because she wants to know. "I have nightmares."

Ashley nods her head and takes a long drink, "I thought that might be it. Are they…" Ashley tries to figure out how to ask her burning question, "Are they related to why you cut?"

"Yes." She sees Ashley open her mouth and swiftly cuts her off, "Can we stop there? I don't want to talk about it. I call you so I can forget for a minute, not keep reliving."

"Ok, whatever you want. Just, know that if you ever change your mind, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Despite what others say about me I am actually a very good listener," if the last part hadn't come out so soft Ashley would have taken offense.

"Thank you."

"So why were you busy until one?"

"Mom and Dad like to do these family events every couple of weeks. Back home it was often going to a lake or something like that, but here we go to museums and stuff. Today is was an art museum, but mom had to be at work at two so we got up early. Glen did not have a good time."

Ashley laughs a full body laugh, "That boy was so drunk last night. I am surprised he managed to make it."

"He didn't exactly have a choice. Mom forced him."

"Poor guy," Ashley snickers.

"He knew we were doing this, it is his own fault for getting carried away like that."

"If I would have known I would have kept him from my liquor. No, on second thought I wouldn't have, this seems so much funnier."

"You're so nice," Spencer teases with a small smile. "You don't seem too hung over."

"I have gotten pretty good at getting over them. Last night really wasn't that bad just," she counts in her head, "eight shots or so of tequila." She looks into blue eyes and sees something akin to disappointment. "Maybe I got a little carried away."

Spencer shrugs and tries to hide that she does not like hearing about Ashley's habits, "Like I have a right to judge."

Ashley can't stop her eyes from darting to Spencer's arms for a split second, "What kind of friend would you be if you weren't a little concerned?"

Spencer catches the true meaning behind the brunette's words, 'I am concerned about you too,' and acknowledges it in a roundabout way, "It would make the person a friend only in name."

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" Ashley asks after a minute of silence.

"Nope, just hanging out, finishing some papers."

"Well, if you and your parents wouldn't mind, maybe we could continue our Buffy fest from last weekend? I really forgot how much I love that show."

"I think they would be ok with that. Theme suggestions?"

"I was thinking maybe just start at the beginning? We could turn it into a weekly tradition," Ashley crosses her fingers under the table.

Spencer bites her lip and tilts her head slightly without even realizing it, "Ok." She cannot help but smile a genuine smile when Ashley's blinds her.

"Awesome."

Spencer enters her home with Ashley right behind her and they are immediately greeted by Arthur, "Hey girls, how was coffee?"

"Good," Spencer tells her father with a small smile. "Um, Ashley and I are going to have another Buffy-fest if that is cool with you."

Arthur smiles warmly at both girls, "Of course honey. Your brother is currently in the living room so you will have to convince him to leave first."

"Clay or Glen?"

"Clay. Why does that make a difference?"

Spencer shrugs, "Glen I would just take the remote from and tell him to deal, Clay I shall actually be nice to."

Arthur laughs, "Glen is still passed out upstairs. I will be in the dining room doing some paperwork if you need anything. Ashley, if you want to stay for dinner we are having my homemade chicken and wild rice soup."

"That sounds amazing Mr. Carlin."

He grins, "It tastes amazing too."

Paula enters through the kitchen door at eleven that night and pauses when she hears laughter, "Is that Ashley?"

Arthur turns from the fridge, "Yes it is. She came over when they were done with coffee to watch more Buffy."

"I see," Paula goes into the hallway to hang up her coat and peaks her head into the living room. The girls are curled on opposite ends of the couch. Spencer is staring intently at the screen while Ashley keeps turning her head slightly to glance at the blonde. Watching the brunette causes her brow to furrow. She has only met Ashley a couple of times and she cannot figure out why the girl is able to spend so much time with Spencer. From what she has seen Ashley is a nice girl with the same geeky streak as Spencer. From what she has heard, Ashley is a trouble maker with many bad habits. Bad habits are the last thing Spencer needs to be picking up. 'Spencer used to have so much better taste in friends,' she thinks while going back into the kitchen to speak with her husband.

"How long is Ashley staying?"

Arthur shrugs and takes a bite from the leftover pie, "It wasn't discussed. It is a Saturday so I don't see any reason why she cannot stay as long as she wants. Or as long as Spencer wants her to stay."

"You think she will stay the night?"

Arthur surveys his wife, "You sound like you don't want that to happen."

Paula lets out a deep breath, "I just, I don't know if this girl is someone we want Spencer spending so much time with, especially when she doesn't spend time with anyone else."

"I don't think we should be discouraging Spencer from spending time with anyone right now. She needs a friend."

"She needs her family," Paula retorts.

Arthur looks at his wife evenly, "I don't know about you, but I am not going anywhere. When she wants to talk to me I will be here for her, I don't know when that will happen so it makes me happy that she has someone to at least sit on the couch and watch TV with."

Paula looks away before answering, "I just don't know if this is the right person for Spencer to be getting close to."

Arthur places his lips upon his wife's temple, "If Spencer trusts this girl then I cannot see any reason why we shouldn't." Paula nods her head but does not say anything and her husband lets it drop.

Spencer stifles a yawn but still draws the attention of her companion, "Shall we call this our last of the night?"

"Only if you want it to, I still have one more in me."

Ashley eyes her skeptically, "You sure, you look like you could pass out on me at any moment."

Spencer shakes her head and sits up straighter, "Of course I am sure."

Ashley raises her eyebrow expertly, "Uh huh, just don't fall asleep and drool on me."

"I do not drool," Spencer mumbles while starting the next episode.

"That's what they all say."

Thirty minutes later and Spencer is curled up into a tight ball on her end of the couch. Ashley glances over and smiles warmly, then frowns. Everyone talks about how peaceful people look when they sleep. That is not the case with Spencer. If anything she looks even more tense than when she is awake. Her body is so tightly curled into herself it looks like it must hurt. Slowly she moves over to gently wake the girl, hoping a bed might make her more comfortable. The instant her hand touches makes contact with the sleeping girl's shoulder Spencer lets out a scream and falls onto the floor in an attempt to get away.

"Is everything all right?" Paula asks in a panic with Arthur exiting the dining room right behind her.

Ashley sits frozen on the couch, just as startled as the elder Carlins. "She fell asleep on the couch and looked so uncomfortable I figured I should wake her up so she could sleep in her bed and the second that I touched her she screamed and fell."

Spencer looks up at everyone with shame in her eyes, "I'm sorry Ash, you just startled me."

Ashley shakes her head vigorously, "You have nothing to be sorry about." 'I should have known better,' she thinks, disappointed in herself. Of course the girl who does not trust people, hates receiving attention, cuts and has to call someone to help deal with nightmares every night would freak out from being woken up by someone she barely knows.

Paula looks at Ashley with distaste but while Arthur smiles sadly at his daughter, "Spencer, sweetie, why don't you go on up to bed. Ashley, if you would like to stay here I am sure we can make up a bed for you here on the couch."

Ashley finally takes her eyes off of her friend, "Thanks Mr. C but I don't want to impose any more than I have and should probably get home. I'm sure Kyla is worried." Lie, but they don't need to know about her habits.

Paula smiles at that, "Well, drive safe Ashley. Spencer honey, you need anything."

Spencer gets up slowly, looking down in embarrassment, "Thanks mom, but I'll be fine. I'll walk you out Ashley?"

The brunette nods, "Yeah. Just gotta grab my stuff."

Spencer wraps the blanket around her shoulders and follows the rock star to her car. "I had fun today."

"Me too. I'm really sorry about that, I should have just let you sleep."

"It wasn't you," Spencer says quietly. Ashley looks at her in confusion and she takes a breath before continuing, "I wake up when anyone touches me. My parents had to stop coming in to check on me and give me a kiss before they went to bed because it always ended like that."

"That sucks," Ashley didn't know what else to say and was relieved that it earned a weak smile.

"Yeah, well, I just wanted you to know it wasn't you."

"And now I know. So I am going to head home and attempt to sleep. I expect you to do the same, and we can continue our Buffy-fest next weekend."

Spencer smiles and nods her head before turning back to her house as Ashley slides into her Porsche. When the fragile girl is almost to her door Ashley says just loudly enough for it to carry, "Anytime."

Spencer pauses and turns her head just enough for Ashley to make out the appreciative smile, "Goodnight Ash."

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Ashley wakes up at eleven and groans, no matter what time it is she is not a fan of first waking up. She moves just enough to reach her phone, not lifting her head from the pillow, and checks her missed messages, she notices with a slight frown there are no missed calls. A missed text from David that she ignored the night before, a couple from Madison, one from Aiden and another from her sister sent just a few minutes before. She reads that one.

**Are you home? Are you hungover? Is there a slut in there with you? If your answers are yes no no, then how about lunch?**

Ashley cannot help but to laugh at her sister and types a response, **Give me forty-five minutes**

Not long after her bedroom door swings open and her ever peppy sister plops down alongside her, "You didn't tell me where you were going last night so I had no clue what Ashley I would be getting this morning. Imagine my surprise that you are here, alone, and lacking a pounding headache. What did you do all day?"

"Hung out with Spencer."

"Really?"

Ashley groans and gets out of bed more to get away from her sister than from motivation to get ready, "Can we talk about this at lunch when I am awake?"

"We can and we shall," Kyla responds sweetly and flits to the door. "I mean it; you are telling me what is going on between you and Spencer."

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"So Spence, what's going on with you and Ashley?" her father asks while he sits on the couch watching ESPN.

She looks up from her book and glances between her parents who are watching her expectantly, "She's my friend."

"Just a friend?" her father asks with a knowing look.

She shakes her head vigorously and feels her heart sink at the relieved look that crosses her mother's face, "No, we're just friends."

"Alright honey, if you are just friends then you are just friends and I am happy. But, just to throw it out there, if you two were more than just friends, I would be happy with that too."

She smiles at her father and ignores her mother, "I'm not ready for that dad, but thanks."

"Your father doesn't honestly expect you to be ready for a relationship like that honey," Paula injects. "Besides, Ashley doesn't really seem like the dating type."

Spencer frowns at that, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Her mother looks completely shocked at her daughter's tone, "I mean that she seems like a girl who, well a girl who likes a lot of people."

Spencer feels her temper start to flare, something that hasn't really happened in a long time, "I cannot believe you just called my only friend a slut."

"I did not call her a slut."

"Not technically but you gave the definition. You don't even know her so how can you judge her?" Spencer gets up and leaves the room without another word, leaving her parents stunned.

"Did that really just happen?" Paula manages after a minute.

Arthur nods his head, "It did. And while that is not exactly the emotion I have been hoping to see from her, it was something. Plus she has a point; you don't even know this girl and you have already decided you don't like her. Why would you try and stop the one friendship Spencer has?"

Paula has no answer.

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"Ok, we are at lunch, you have had copious amounts of coffee, spill," Kyla orders.

Ashley rolls her eyes, "You are so annoying sometimes. Spencer and I are friends, ok?"

"Define friends."

"You're the smart one, don't you know?"

"Yes, but what the official definition is and what your definition is have typically been different. So…?"

"We sit together at lunch, work together in Psych, have gotten coffee and watch Buffy together."

"And she calls you sometimes at night."

"And she calls me sometimes to talk at night."

Kyla nods her head and takes a drink of her Diet Coke, "But you want to be more than friends."

"Have you ever noticed that you rarely ask questions, instead you just make assumptions?"

"I ask questions when I am unsure, and make statements when I am."

Ashley snorts, "Ah, gotcha."

"Do you want to be more than friends?" Kyla asks impatiently when the singer falls silent.

Ashley remains silent until Kyla kicks her shin, "Ow, Jesus."

"You're taking too long."

"Fine, yes, I would like to be more than friends, but that isn't going to happen. At least not anytime soon."

"Why?"

Ashley chooses her words carefully, "Spencer is not looking for a relationship right now, and I really don't see that changing in the near future."

"And you are ok with this?"

"Yes. She doesn't need a girlfriend right now, she needs a friend, and I like being her friend."

Kyla stares at her sister dead in the eye, searching for the truth, "I wish you would have met her months ago, she's good for you." Ashley doesn't know how to respond to that, so she doesn't.

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Monday morning Ashley wakes up to _When She Cries_ by Britt Nicole. Immediately she lunges for her phone, "Hey."

"Hi," comes the shaky response.

"Kyla and I actually survived an entire lunch without killing one another."

"That's impressive. Were either of you drunk and or drugged?"

"No, amazingly enough. We even had pleasant conversation, mostly."

"I am very happy for you."

Ashley tries to come up with something to say, usually she can talk about her day, but today lunch was it. Spencer's breath is coming out ragged and her voice is soft so she knows she needs to come up with something, "I have a confession to make."

"What?"

"I did my schoolwork for Monday."

"Did you read the assignments twice?"

"Absolutely not, that is way too much effort. I did, however, actually read them and not just skim."

A soft snort reaches her ears, "Good for you Ash."

Another silence hits and Ashley does something she never does, "How was your day?"

Apparently Spencer had not been anticipating this because it takes her a minute to respond, "I read, did some homework, got into a fight with my mother."

Ashley wiggles further under the covers, "Why?"

"She pissed me off."

"Again, why?"

A breath is let out before the answer, "Because she doesn't like me spending so much time with you. I am pretty sure she thinks that you are a bad influence and will hurt me or something."

Ashley suspected Paula was not her biggest fan, but it still stung, "Ah, yeah, well, she probably has a point."

"She's wrong," Spencer says with enough force to surprise the brunette.

"You have no idea how much that means to me that you think that. I've dealt with so many parents who haven't liked me over the last couple of years that I have learned how to brush it off. It still smarts a bit when the kids seem to agree but hang out with me anyways, like I'm just part of their teenage rebellion."

"That blows."

"Whatever, I have fun and they get to piss off their parents, everyone wins," she doesn't believe a word that just came out of her own mouth.

"Bull."

"Excuse me?"

"I believe the full term is bullshit. You aren't really as indifferent as you want people to think."

Ashley lays dumbfounded. Not even Madison and Logan call her out like that, "You sound so sure of that. We've only known each other for a little while."

"True on all accounts, but that doesn't make me any less right. And I am sorry that you've had bad luck with people. But I meant what I said, my mother and all those others are wrong."

"Thank you Spencer."

"Anytime Ash."


	14. Chapter 14

**Ha, I finally got this chapter out. Sorry for yet another delay, my muse likes to only show up for five minutes at a time. I hope you enjoy and I truly enjoy when you review, good or bad.**

**Two Weeks Later**

"I cannot believe you left Spencer alone with her!" Paula repeated, eyes trained on her husband.

Arthur removes his eyes from the road with a sigh, "Honey, Spencer was fine with it. You know that if being left alone with Ashley made her uncomfortable it would have been obvious."

"Well maybe Spencer felt pressured not to end their little Buffy-fest," Paula persisted.

"Honey, have you even watched the two of them together these last four weekends? Ashley would never do something that would make Spencer uncomfortable."

Paula huffs, "I still don't think you should have left Spencer alone with that girl."

Arthur's tone hardens, "So the next time your car breaks down I am supposed to treat her like a five year old and make her stop hanging out with her friend so she can come with me to pick you up?" His question is met only by silence. "Answer this for me, is this about Spencer spending time with Ashley, or about her spending time with a girl?"

"What?"

"Don't act so indignant with me Paula. I know you still haven't fully accepted Spencer being gay."

"I don't know what you are talking about. I don't think that Ashley is the right person for Spencer to be hanging out with. It is not because Spencer is gay, I loved Jessica."

"Maybe before you knew she was dating our daughter. When they were just friends you thought she was such a nice, good girl. Once they came out you started trying to keep them apart. It may not have been obvious to them, but you suddenly started wanting to do more and more things with Spencer. You started trying to monopolize her time so that she wouldn't be spending it with Jessie. And I let it slide because it was only kind of working, but I am putting my foot down this time. From what I have seen Ashley is good for Spencer, and you are going to give her a chance and put your issues with her sexual orientation aside. You need to do this for Spencer."

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Ashley glances over at the blonde curled up on the opposite end of the couch. This seems to be how all of their nights end, Spencer refusing to admit she is exhausted and falling asleep in the middle of an episode. Ashley has learned her lesson as does not touch the girl, instead she goes into the kitchen and bids goodnight to whichever Carlin adult is still up, trusting them to take care of her friend. Until tonight anyways. Tonight the only inhabitants of the Carlin abode were the two of them (Glen and Clay are out at some party or other).

"So my options are to leave her alone in a house I cannot lock up not knowing how long until her parents are going to get home or staying here while she sleeps and run the risk of being a creeper."

She starts the next episode.

Fifteen minutes in she notices that Spencer has curled into herself even more, to the point Ashley winces in sympathetic pain. Another minute or two after this Spencer starts to twitch and whimper. Panic striking, Ashley looks in the direction of the door, wondering how much longer until Mr. Carlin and Mother Superior return. The whimpering intensifies.

Heart pounding Ashley carefully slips off of the couch. Barely daring to breath she moves to kneel in front of her friend. She watches for a minute, watches Spencer's face twist in agony. The whimpers become louder and are now accompanied by tears.

"Shhhh, Spencer, it's ok, you're safe here," she whispers, hoping it sounds soothing. The blonde continues on and Ashley reaches out a shaking hand, so slowly she's not even sure it is moving. She stats whispering again, hoping it will make the inevitable contact less shocking, "Shhhh, Spencer, you're safe. It's just me, Ashley." Like last time, the second her hand comes in contact with the blonde, blue eyes snap open and she lets out a scream. Unlike last time Ashley does not remove her hand. Instead she continues to brush blonde hair back, all the time softly reassuring everything was all right.

To her surprise Spencer does not jerk away. Instead she remains in the fetal position, eyes wide and breath hard. It takes all of Ashley's will power to keep her hand from shaking as she continues to stroke golden hair. Ashley has no clue how much time passes but her knees start protesting and she tries to shift as subtly as possible.

"Thank you, you can get up now if you want," apparently not subtle enough.

"I'm fine," Ashley tells her with a small smile, never stilling her hand.

More time passes and as Ashley's knees start to scream just as Spencer's muscles start to relax. She does not get out of the fetal position, but it no looks more natural. Unable to maintain her own position, Ashley finally retracts her hand so she can sit down. While she ends the physical contact, Ashley makes sure her eyes don't leave the haunted blues.

"I'm sorry."

The brunette's face scrunches up in honest confusion, "For what? You didn't ask for these nightmares," she hesitates, "or the cause of them."

"You shouldn't have to see me like this; it's bad enough I interrupt your sleep every night."

Ashley reaches her hand out again and resumes stroking soft hair, "If you haven't noticed, I have no problem letting people know when they are bothering me. You aren't."

"You're just saying that," comes the weak protest.

Ashley thinks for a minute, "Can I be honest with you?" Spencer stiffens but nods her head yes. "I like that you call me. I don't….I don't like what it is that makes you need to call someone, but I like that it's me. I like being there for you." Ashley's voice drops so low she wonders if Spencer will hear, "I would like to be there for you more."

"I would like to bring myself to let you."

Ashley doesn't say any more, just continues her slow strokes until Spencer's eyes begin to flutter slowly under Ashley's tender touch. Slowly Ashley's hand repeats its path from the top of Spencer's head, behind her ear and down her jaw. Thoughts are not guiding the brunette's hand, like most of her life she lets instinct rule. The difference being for once her instincts seem to be telling her to do the right thing.

"Maybe you should go up to your bed before you fall asleep again."

Blue eyes open fully again, "It's nice down here."

"Ok."

Silence sets in. It isn't long before Spencer starts to drift off again and Ashley retracts her hand. She watches as Spencer's body begins to tense up once again. The young rocker watches as a frown mars beautiful features and she feels her own heart ache. She reaches out again and is amazed when her touch does not awaken the girl, but relaxes her muscles ever so slightly. Ashley resumes her previous actions but after a couple of minutes they cease to help and Spencer begins to fall victim to her nightmare once more. Ashley leans forward and cautiously wraps her arms around her friend and once again Spencer's body starts to relax. Ashley bites her lip and eyes the space between the blonde and the back of the couch. With a prayer to whoever might be up there, Ashley uses all of her skill to hop over the sleeping girl. She lands with a soft thump and holds her breath. Spencer goes rigid.

"Shhh, Spence it's just me," she whispers, loosening her grip so the distraught girl can move if she wants. Spencer doesn't move, but she does not relax either. Ashley continues her soft hold as she begins to hum that melody she can't get rid of. The minutes tick by to Ashley's tune, her grip tightening as Spencer's body loosens up. In a quarter of an hour Spencer's body has completely unwound and she finds herself being the little spoon. Finally she allows sleep to take her once more.

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"Ashley's car is still here."

"Would you rather she left Spencer here all by herself?"

"No…"

Arthur opens his door but looks at his wife before exiting, "Then let it go."

Paula takes a deep breath before following her husband to the front door. She follows him into the home and the living room, nearly walking into his back when he stops, "Arthur!"

He turns, finger to his lips then points to the couch where she sees her daughter fast asleep in another girl's arms. Ashley makes eye contact with them but makes no move to get up or release the sleeping blonde. Paula's eyes flit to her husband and she sees the small smile dancing across his lips. She wonders why she can't do the same.

Ashley watches the Carlin's, wondering if they are going to yell at her to get away from their daughter. She is positive the thought has crossed Paula's mind. But it is good Mother Superior has not because Ashley knows she still would not move until Spencer herself said to. She sees Arthur barely nod his head before taking his leave, reaching for his wife's hand as he passes. Slowly Paula follows her husband out of the room. Ashley closes her eyes, ready for sleep herself, but they open again when she feels fleece on her bare arms. Arthur flashes her a smile as he releases the blanket he draped over the pair. Spencer twitches, but her body returns to normal quickly.

Spencer feels herself waking up slowly and that alone makes herself smile. She doesn't open her eyes, instead revels in the feeling of peace wrapped around her. Or maybe that's just Ashley. She can feel the brunette behind her, arm wrapped securely around her waist. She decides not to think about why she feels so comfortable in another person's arms for fear of breaking the spell. A content sigh escapes her lips as she lingers in that state before complete consciousness.

"Clay, is that Spencer and Ashley?"

"Yes."

"Sleeping on the couch together."

"Yes."

"Do you think Mom and Dad know about this?"

"Most likely."

"And they are ok with this."

"Apparently."

"Did not see this coming."

"Oh I don't know, they've been getting closer for a while now. I mean, I guess I didn't think it would happen this weekend, or that it would be this, but come on. We both knew something was going to happen eventually."

"I don't know if I like it."

Spencer tenses slightly which causes Ashley's thumb to rub a couple of circles on the blonde's stomach.

"You mean you don't like Spencer getting close to someone who isn't one of us. Glen, we should just be happy that Spencer has found someone she can trust, even if it isn't one of us."

"I know, but that doesn't stop it from hurting a bit. I want to be there for her, but she barely lets me, but here is some party girl she barely knows who gets to chase the monsters away. You know they talk at night right?"

"What?"

"I don't go in to check on her anymore, but I still listen at her door for a few minutes. I hear her, every night now after her nightmare talking to Ashley on the phone. Why hasn't she ever tried talking to us?"

"I don't know Glen."

"Come on, I'm starving."

Spencer remains silent, but no longer finds herself in a peaceful state. Guilt has crept in. She tries to escape the brunette's grasp but only succeeds in waking the brunette up, "Morning," comes an insanely raspy voice.

"Morning," Spencer responds while continuing her attempts to get off the couch. Slowly Ashley wakes up enough to figure out what is going on and retracts her hand. Spencer stands and bites her lip mind racing frantically. "Well, umm, I am going to go upstairs and freshen up."

"Ok, umm, I guess I should probably head home."

Spencer still has her back to her sleeping partner when she nods her head, then leaves the room with a mumbled goodbye. Ashley sits up and puts her head in her hands, disappointed she clearly upset her fragile friend. She hits the back of the couch as she gets up, cursing herself for pushing things too far. It takes a couple of minutes but she finds all of her belongings and trudges to the door.

"Leaving already Ashley? We are going to church in about an hour if you care to tag along," Arthur's good natured voice calls to her from the stairs as her hand touches the knob.

"Thanks Mr. C, but I'm not exactly dressed for church and I don't like to go anywhere without a shower."

"Fair enough. I hope to see you again next weekend, I plan on making my infamous bean dip."

Ashley manages a week smile, "I'm not so sure I am going to be able to make it next weekend."

Arthur comes up to her and offers a smile of his own, "Oh?"

Ashley looks down at her feet and swallows, "I think I messed up last night."

"Didn't look like that to me when I got home last night. If anything it looked like you did something right."

"She kinda freaked this morning, I think I took it too far."

Arthur chose his words carefully, "I don't know what Spencer has told you - "

"Nothing really, I just kinda know something bad happened."

"She is still recovering, obviously, and it is common for people to make progress and then take a couple of steps back again. Give her a little time, she will come back around."

"Thank you Mr. C."

"It's the least I can do for getting to see a couple flashes of the old Spencer again." Ashley gives him a nose crinkling smile before exiting the Carlin abode. Arthur stands in the door until Ashley's car starts and pulls away, throwing in a quick wave for good measure. He closes the door and turns as his two boys make their way downstairs, "Well, you guys at least called to let us know you would be staying at a friends', I guess that is improvement, and neither one of you looks like you are going to hurl. Looks like old dogs can learn new tricks."

"Who are you calling old?" Glen asks indignantly.

"You boys have fun last night?"

Clay nods his head with a shy smile gracing his lips, "Yeah."

Arthur raises a brow and looks at Glen who snickers, "Clay here has found himself a girlfriend."

"Is that so?"

"She's not my girlfriend. We just, like hanging out when we run into each other at parties."

"Hanging out doesn't usually involve shoving your tongue down each other's throats. Or. I guess it does for me…"

Arthur shakes his head, "Just be careful and don't make it a habit of staying out every weekend. Also, I would like to meet this girl who is not your girlfriend but whom you like hanging out with."

"So what did you guys do last night?" Clay asks, desperate to move out of the spotlight.

"Nothing much. Spencer and Ashley had another Buffy-fest and your mother's car broke down so I had to go pick her up. Which reminds me, Glen, I am going to need you to drive me to your mother's car today after church."

"No problem," Glen starts to walk towards the kitchen but has to stop, "Did you know Ashley spent the night?"

"As a matter of fact I did, just said goodbye to her in fact."

"So you saw them on the couch together?"

"Of course."

"Well ok then, what's for breakfast?"

"Waffles."

"Sweet!"

Spencer enters the dining room to see her brothers digging in to their breakfast, "Morning." They turn to her and return her greeting with smiles. "So how was your party or whatever?"

"Awesome," Glen tells her with a blissful smile, eyes turned up and slightly glazed over.

"Gross, don't tell me. Clay, how about you?"

Clay lets out a chuckle, "It was good."

"Was Chelsea there?"

"She was," Clay's smile grows despite himself.

Spencer returns his smile and takes the seat at the head of the table, placing her between her brothers. "So you two have been getting along pretty well. When are you going to ask her out?"

Clay blushes and doesn't manage to get an answer out before Paula enters to remind them the car is leaving in fifteen minutes exactly.

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Spencer wakes up and feels her tears mixing with sweat. She takes deep shuddering breaths and reaches for her phone but her hand pauses a millimeter away. Pulling her hand back she glances at the door, imagining her brother standing on the other side, waiting to hear her talking to someone that's not him. She opens her mouth to call out to him, to tell him to come in, but she can't. The next hour is spent curled in the fetal position trying to will herself to calm down on her own.

Ashley stares at her phone, pressing a button every time the screen goes dark so she can watch the minutes tick by. By 1:45 she knows Spencer isn't going to call. At two she puts her phone down and tries to get some sleep. Sleep finds her around 3:30 but only enough for her to drift in and out until her alarm sounds.

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The elder Davies daughter starts to walk towards Spencer's locker for the third time that morning, and for the third time stops halfway there and turns back. She has to apologize for Saturday night, but she gets the impression that waiting for Spencer at her locker might not go over too well today. A hand runs through her dark locks and she lets out a strangled cry of frustration, earning more than a few glances from her classmates.

"What's up chica?"

Ashley leans back against the locker next to her best friend, "I screwed up with Spencer on Saturday and I don't know how to tell her I am sorry."

Madison eyes her friend in sweat pants and a hoodie, messy ponytail and glasses instead of contacts, "One, what did you do? Two, since when do you care about screwing things up with someone?"

"One, I didn't mean to, but I pushed things too far with Spencer and I upset her. Two, since I screwed things up with Spencer."

Madison reaches out a hand and lays it on the rock star's shoulder, "Look, I don't really know her, but it is pretty obvious to me she likes you. Just give her a little time and calmly explain you are sorry for being a horny ass."

Ashley laughs while pulling the Latina in for a hug, "Thanks Mads."

"Don't go getting mushy on me now girl."

The brunette rolls her eyes but manages a smile. She decides not to meet Spencer at her locker and just heads to class. When Spencer enters she does not make eye contact and Ashley swears she physically felt her heart crack. The hour passes and Ashley fights the urge to glance at Spencer every five seconds. The bell goes off and Spencer takes her time as usual but unlike the last couple of weeks she does not smile at Ashley and tease her about whatever stupid thing the brunette did that day. Ashley doesn't even bother opening her mouth, knowing the words to make things better still haven't come to her so why bother. Rather she leaves, shoulders slumped.

Things don't improve during PE. So lost in thought about how bad she messed up, Ashley trips up the stairs while doing circuits and on top of bruising her knee, she gets a detention for letting a few choice words fly. Still Spencer refuses to look at her.

Lunch comes and Ashley feels like screaming when Spencer is sitting between her brothers and not on the other side next to Ashley's claimed seat (she wrote her name on it freshman year). But she doesn't scream, rather she sits down and openly sulks. She is aware of most of the table's eyes on her, wondering what could have put her in such a mood, but she doesn't care because the crystal blue ones aren't among them.

By psych Ashley is a mess. Her eyes see past what is written on the board and she keeps replaying that night over and over again trying to come up with what she should have done. She doesn't notice the bell, but Spencer nearing the door of the now empty classroom.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Spencer stops, "What?"

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry that I pushed things too far. I…I didn't mean to. You just looked so miserable and it was breaking my heart and I had to do something and it seemed like it was ok because you didn't scream and your body even loosened up but obviously I read the situation wrong and I'm sorry," and even softer, "Please talk to me."

Spencer turns around slowly and looks at Ashley for the first time all day. What she sees makes her look away, "You didn't…It's not about what you did that night, it's about me letting you."

Ashley furrows her brows, "Huh?"

Spencer takes a couple of steps towards the brunette, "I woke up feeling, peaceful, something I haven't felt in months. Then I heard brothers come home, and how they felt bad I could let myself get close to you and continue to shut them out."

Ashley blinks a few times, "You feel guilty?"

"The last few months haven't been easy on my family. It isn't fair to them for me to make things harder, to hurt them."

Slowly Ashley stands and closes the distance between them, "It is not fair to you for them to make you feel guilty for finding someone you can trust and let in."

"They don't know I heard them," Spencer says weakly.

Ashley is silent for a moment, mind racing for the appropriate words, "I don't know what happened, but I am pretty sure you have every right to be selfish right now. Do what makes you feel better. If that's calling me up every night then do that. If it's sitting between your brothers at lunch do that. And just so you know, the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. _I _can share."

"I'm sorry,"

"Great, now I've made you feel guilty," Ashley mumbles.

"It's kind of a vicious cycle isn't it?"

"Yeah, I don't like it."

They share less somber looks, "Can we forget the last day and a half?"

"Done and done." An awkward beat. "Do you need a ride?"

"Ok."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hopefully the mild Spashley action in this helps make up for the long wait, I think I am a little over halfway done, but I really have no clue as this story kinda goes where it wants to. Reviewing makes my day. **

**Two Weeks Later**

As usual, Spencer's eyes are continuously scanning the hallways while being careful to avoid eye contact. It isn't until she reaches her locker with a frown that she realizes she was searching for her brunette friend and was unable to find her. She shuts the locker door and does another sweep of the hall and again her eyes fail to land on the young rock star. She makes her way to class with brow furrowed, 'It's Tuesday, she wasn't out drinking last night as far as I know so it isn't a hangover. I guess she did sound kinda weird on the phone this morning and was quieter than normal yesterday, but I just figured it was because she was tired. Maybe she is just running late.'

If she was, it was really late. Spencer went through the first half of the day without coming across her sole friend. After an Ashley free PE she sends a text that never receives a response. She even tried asking Madison what was up and was basically blown off, all though she got the impression it was not meant in a mean way. Madison was protecting Ashley. Curiosity was killing Spencer by lunch and she manages to catch Kyla on her way to the table.

"Where's Ashley?"

Kyla's feet slow, "She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

The younger Davies girl jerks her head and they make a detour towards a less crowded part of the cafeteria, "Three years ago today our Dad died in a car accident."

Spencer gasps and her eyes fill with concern, "I'm sorry."

"Ashley still hasn't gotten over it, not that you ever get over it. She stayed home today, just like she did last two years. And just like the last two years she is probably spending the day in bed with a bottle of tequila."

Spencer doesn't even think about the words coming out of her mouth, "Could you take me to her?"

Kyla looks stunned, "Huh?"

"I don't think she should be alone."

"Look, Ashley doesn't like people trying to comfort her. I know, I've tried, she will brush you off, probably say some nasty things and maybe even shove you. It is best to just leave her alone. She will be better tomorrow."

Kyla turns to leave but Spencer tries one last time, "Please Kyla? I don't know what she has told you, but I've been going through a pretty rough time and your sister has helped me a lot. I want to return the favor."

Kyla bites her lip and glances at her watch, "If we leave now I can make it back for most of my next class."

"Thank you Kyla."

"Who am I to stop someone from trying to bust through that wall she puts up. But, I warned you, and you are on your own getting back to school."

"That's fine."

"You live here?" Spencer asks in awe.

Kyla can't help but grin a little, "Yeah, if you haven't noticed Ashley and I are kinda loaded."

"Ashley said you guys lived in a big house, but this…"

Kyla laughs, "It's not Mount Olympus or something, we are but mere mortals. Now come on, I better show you how to get to her room."

Spencer follows in silence, starting to doubt her decision to go try to comfort her friend. She wants to, feels like she owes it to the brunette, but she has no clue what to do. And then there was the warning Kyla gave before they left, that Ashley will respond by pushing her away. 'Well, at least I can understand the want to push people away,' Spencer thinks to herself wryly.

They stop in front of a black door unable to muffle the rock music coming from within and Kyla speaks quietly, "This is it. I'll wait in the car for a couple of minutes in case she gives you the boot."

Spencer just nods her head and waits before Kyla disappears around the corner before placing a tentative hand against the wood. With a deep breath she knocks. No answer. She knocks again with a little more purpose. Still no answer. This time she bangs on the door. Ashley still remains silent so Spencer knocks again, this time shouting out to her friend. The music keeps playing and Spencer is debating to leave or try again when the door swings open and she comes face to face with confused and bloodshot brown eyes.

"Spencer?" Ashley asks dumbly.

"Hi."

Ashley rubs her eyes and Spencer notices the half-full bottle of vodka in hand, "What are you doing here?"

Spencer shuffles her feet and bites her lip, "Kyla told me…" She can barely hear herself over the music and raises her voice, "I thought maybe you could use a friend."

Ashley stares at her for a minute, Spencer can see her weighing her options. The blonde takes it as a good sign that Ashley does not shut the door in her face. The troubled girl turns around and walks back to her king size bed. Spencer follows quietly behind and blushes as she finally notices Ashley's attire, black boy shorts and a grey tank.

"Do you want to talk?" Spencer practically shouts.

"About what?" Ashley's tone is short.

"About whatever."

"So you didn't come over here to hear about how my dear old dad got killed in a car accident?" Ashley asks skeptically after another swig.

Spencer cautiously sits down next to her friend, "Come on Ash, I understand better than anyone not wanting to talk about something from the past. But, I also know from experience that having someone there you can talk about whatever to is rather helpful."

The brunette looks her friend over carefully, "You're skipping school."

"I've heard from a reliable source it is healthy to ditch once in a while."

Ashley manages a light chuckle as she flops backwards, never spilling a drop of alcohol in the process, "You can stay, but I don't want to talk."

"Fair enough."

The two girls lay silently a foot from each other on the giant bed for an hour. Both are pleasantly surprised at the lack of awkwardness, although Spencer eyes the ever dwindling bottle of vodka with obvious distaste. Suddenly Ashley jerks up and rushes through a doorway, not even a second later Spencer can hear the distinctive sound of stomach contents being emptied. Spencer makes her way into the attached bathroom and finds her friend resting her forehead against the toilet taking deep breaths.

"Want me to get you some water?"

"There are bottles in the dorm fridge next to my closet," Ashley mumbles. Spencer leaves and returns a moment later and hands the bottle over, cap already off. Ashley manages to get half of it down then closes her eyes and tries to stand. She wobbles but is prevented from falling over by Spencer's arms. "I don't feel so good."

Spencer moves to stand next to the intoxicated girl and glances briefly at the toilet, "Well, you downed nearly an entire bottle of vodka on what appears to be an empty stomach. I feel like you shouldn't sound so surprised."

"Can you make fun of me once I am feeling better?" Ashley whines.

Spencer chuckles, "I suppose. Come on, let's get you into your bed."

The pair make it to the king size bed without incident but the trek took a lot out of Ashley, who gratefully climbs in and is sound asleep the moment her head touches the pillow. Spencer shakes her head and grabs a blanket off of the floor to toss over the now passed out girl and takes a seat next to her, back against the head board. Spencer looks at Ashley for a minute, watches her back rise and fall, before casting her gaze around the room. Band posters litter the walls, some signed and framed, others tacked up haphazardly. A couple of guitar cases lean against the wall to her left, a drum kit and keyboard on the wall to her right. An enormous entertainment system sits along the far wall and Spencer starts to look around for a remote of some sort, ideally the one to the stereo.

The afternoon passes with Spencer flipping through trashy day time TV, but not following anything because her attention darts back to the sleeping brunette every five seconds or so. A couple of times her attention would linger, a tentative hand would reach out and brush brown locks back and maybe even linger on a soft cheek. Around three Ashley starts to stir and Spencer is ready with the rest of the bottle of water and some aspirin she found on the night table.

"You're still here," Ashley mumbles when her eyes finally crack open.

"Sure."

Ashley closes her eyes again and takes a deep breath, "I might throw up again."

"The trash can from the bathroom is right next to you."

A brown eye peeks out, "Trash can, water, and it looks like aspirin, I think you have done this before."

"My brother has been known to celebrate a little too hard from time to time."

Slowly Ashley rolls over onto her back and slides up the back of the bed until she is in enough of a sitting position to accept the water and pills. The minutes tick by in further silence, Spencer carefully watching the other girl. When Ashley opens her eyes again they lock onto crystal blues, "I am definitely still kinda drunk."

"That does not surprise me."

"You are being rather blithe today."

"Big word for still being kinda drunk," Spencer teases with a light smile.

"I loved him even though I barely knew him," Ashley whispers. Spencer doesn't say anything, just shifts so her body is angled towards the depressed teenager. "He was either on tour or in the studio my entire life. When he was home he was the world's greatest dad, but that was so few and far between sometimes I wonder if I made it all up. He taught me how to play the guitar, how to read and write music, how to sneak a cookie from the kitchen without getting caught. For years I would tell myself that he loved me and one day would come home and stay, that some day he would choose his family over his music career. For so many years that was my birthday wish, that he would come through the front door before I finished opening my presents and say he was done. God was I stupid."

"You weren't stupid."

"Yes I was. He died three years ago today in a car accident on his way to the plane for yet another tour. I was fifteen. His band got a record deal when he was seventeen and had me when he was twenty six, nine years, he had nine years to live that life, but that wasn't enough. He couldn't give it up, so he became a part time dad. What was I on that I could convince myself he would suddenly decide to give that all up just so he could watch me and Kyla grow up? How could we compete with the life of the famous musician who gets to travel the world without a care other than the set list?"

"Oh Ash…"  
"What hurts the most is how much I miss him. I wish I could just write him off as a bad father and hate him. But I can't. I still wish he would walk through that door and say he chooses us."

Spencer slides over and wraps her arms around the now crying girl, "I didn't know your dad, but I am positive he loved you. It sucks that he kept choosing his career, but you said it yourself that he made the most when he was home. He loved you, and there is nothing wrong with loving and missing him."

"I miss my daddy," Ashley says brokenly, prompting Spencer to start rocking them back and forth.

Right around the time Ashley calms down Spencer's phone starts going crazy. She glances at the piece of plastic on the night stand but makes no move towards it, that would involve letting go of a certain musician. "You should probably answer that."

"Probably."

Ashley lifts her head off of Spencer's shoulder, "Did you tell anyone you were coming over?"

"Kyla."

"Shit, Spencer, your family must be freaking out. For all they know you have been kidnapped." Ashley would have to be severely impaired not to notice the flinch that follows her statement. Her eyes widen and this time when her stomach churns it is not because of the vodka. Spencer's eyes are unfocused and her breathing is coming out in uneven bursts. "Oh my God, Spence… Do you want to talk?"

Spencer shuts her eyes and takes a steadying breath, "No, today is about me comforting you."

"You don't have to comfort me."

Spencer turns and opens her eyes so they are staring straight into Ashley's, "Yes I do. I want to be there for you too."

Ashley nods her head, because that is all she trusts herself to do, and lays her head back down on Spencer's shoulder. They sit for another half hour, vaguely aware of the television and the phone that goes off every minute. When Spencer finally slips off the bed she shoots four quick texts assuring all is well and she will explain when she gets home.

"I think I heard Kyla a bit ago, I am gonna ask her for a ride home. If I stay out any longer my parents will probably kill me."

"You should definitely go then, I have kinda gotten used to you these last couple of months."

Spencer gives a small smile and turns towards the door. She is stopped by a soft hand on her arm and when she turns she is wrapped in a warm embrace, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

Asd;flkja;sdlkfja;sldfkja;sldkfj;asldkfj;asldkfj

Kyla drops Spencer off in front of her home and she is maybe a step towards the house when the door flies open and four livid Carlin's emerge. She straightens her shoulders and braces herself for a storm.

"Where have you been?"

"At Ashley's. Kyla told me she told you two when she got back to school."

"She shouldn't have to tell your brothers anything. First of all, you should have been at school. Second you are expected to tell us yourself if you are going somewhere. Third, you should have been in school," Spencer squints her eyes to see if actual smoke is coming out of her mother's ears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't plan to leave school, something came up and I left."

"Spencer, honey, you really had us worried."

She turns her attention to her father, "Again, it wasn't like you didn't know where I was, Kyla told them I was at Ashley's."

"She told your brothers she dropped you off there, but with you not answering your phone how were we to know you were still there? Why weren't you answering your phone? And what could possibly have been so important that you would skip a day of school?"

"Can we go inside? The sun is setting and I am getting a little chilly," Spencer replies tiredly. Her parents exchange furious and confused glances before signaling for her to lead the way. Once inside their home her parents pin her with gazes demanding an explanation.

"I noticed that Ashley had been acting a little weird yesterday and that she wasn't at school today. She wasn't responding to any of my texts so I started to get worried. I caught Kyla in the lunch room and asked her what was up. Their father died three years ago today and Ashley didn't make it to school because of that. I asked Kyla if she could take me to their place so I could try and comfort Ash or something. I was being a good friend, something Ashley deserves. I missed school because I felt this was a legitimate situation and I didn't tell Glen and Clay myself because they would have stopped me. I didn't answer my phone because…because I didn't feel like it."

Her entire family stands dumbfounded for a minute. Her mother, no surprise, is the first to recover, "While your heart might have been in the right place, you severely mishandled the situation. You are never to go off on your own without informing your father or I, and you are absolutely never to skip school like this again, do I make myself clear?" Spencer nods her head. "Good. Your father and I talked about it, and seeing as how you are ok and this is a **one time** incident, you will only be grounded over the weekend, which means Ashley is not coming over." Spencer nods her head again, amazed that is all the worse she is getting. "Now, go upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner."

Asd;fkjla;sdlfkj;asldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfj

"You should stay for the game tonight, Spencer, Cobras always kill the Pirates," Aiden says through a mouthful of fries that Thursday.

"I'll be there," Spencer says with a polite smile.

"You should come too, Ash. I mean you have so much school spirit it would be good for you to show it," Kyla teases her sister. Everyone is perfectly aware that Ashley has the least amount of school spirit in all of King High.

Ashley pretends to consider it, "Mmmm…nope. Not gonna happen."

"Oh come on Ashley, please?" Spencer tries.

"I am yet to go to a sporting event and plan on keeping my record intact. And as a general rule I avoid school functions."

Spencer widens her eyes, "Please? Don't make me go alone."

Ashley curses the blue eyes, "Won't your parents and Clay be there?"

"Yeah, but they aren't fun."

"Hey!"

Spencer smiles sheepishly at her brother, "I love you Clay."

"Uh huh."

"Well Kyla will be there," Ashley reasons.

Spencer tilts her head, "But I want you to come."

Ashley narrows her eyes, "You are too good at manipulation and you know it."

"Is that a yes?"

"You owe me."

Spencer stands up smiling widely, "I will supply your caffeine addiction tomorrow." She walks away with her tray and Ashley scowls.

"What have I told you about gloating?" she calls out. When the brunette turns back to her table she scowls more at the open mouths of her friends.

"You are actually going to a school event? A sporting event no less?" Madison asks in disbelief.

Glen looks at Clay with a raised brow, "Spencer likes Ashley more than she likes you."

Clay shrugs and stands as the bell rings, "I am ok with that, because now I don't have to feel guilty about sitting next to Chelsea."

Asdf;lkjasldk;fja;sldkfja;sldkfjas;dlfkj

Ashley leans back and tries to focus on the basketball game only to fail miserably. She turns her eyes to the blonde next to her and scowls, "I cannot believe you talked me into this. You owe me so big. I mean more than a day's worth of coffee. I mean something shiny and - "

Ashley blinks slowly, trying to register what just happened. She had been complaining for the umpteenth time since the game started twenty minutes ago and then been cut off. By a pair of lips. Lips that could only belong to the blonde next to her. She leans forward and Spencer is watching the game intently with a small smile gracing her lips. Ashley leans back again, this time the biggest smile she has worn in years firmly in place for the rest of the game.


	16. Chapter 16

**I know I really kinda fail at the whole posting in a timely fashion thing, and pray that the fluff in this chapter will make it up to you. I really do appreciate the reviews and can't tell you how much it means you like this story. I am hoping to de-fanfic it and turn it into a real story once this is done so suggestions for improvement are welcome. **

Ashley smiles as Spencer enters Psych the following day, and is rewarded with yet another shy smile. All day Spencer gave her little smiles with tinted cheeks. Ashley would dare anyone to find something more adorable. Neither talked about the kiss, but it was definitely the main thing on the brunette's mind and she'd bet even money it was on the blonde's too. God she hopes it's on the blonde's. When the game ended and they parted ways Ashley's smile only faltered for a second, and it remained all that night. Hell, she woke up smiling. She wants to do it again, to actually be a participant, but she knows things have to stay slow. And honestly, if that's what she is being patient for she has no complaints.

Spencer takes her normal seat and opens her mouth only to close it with a frown. Immediately missing the smile, Ashley turns towards her friend, "What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask if you were coming over tonight after band practice but then I remembered I am grounded this weekend."

Ashley groans, "Damn, I forgot you're grounded too. What am I supposed to do now?"

Spencer can't help but laugh a little, "You have a social life and friends, I am sure you can find something to occupy your time."

"But I don't wanna," Ashley pouts not caring how ridiculous she looks or sounds, "my other friends are all stupid."

"I'm sure Madison would love to know that's what you think of her."

The brunette thinks for a moment, "I haven't hung out with her for a while have I? Maybe I can get her to hit up Gray's tonight."

"See, there you go," Spencer teases.

Ashley's smile fades again, "What are you going to do?"

"Probably just watch some TV and veg out. Even if I wasn't grounded I wouldn't be doing much else."

"You'd just have more pleasant company."

"Very true."

As if on cue the bell rings and their last class of the week begins. Ashley doesn't pay too much attention, finding it a better use of her time and effort to figure out a way to see her blonde friend before Monday. Come the end of the class she sighs as not one plausible idea has come to her. Now she can only hope she at least can get the next best thing, "What are the official Carlin rules and regulations for being grounded?"

Spencer shrugs, "Depends. Mom and dad typically adjust the severity to fit the crime."

"And what were the adjustments this time?"

"That you can't come over," Spencer says slowly, trying to figure out where her friend is going with this.

"So electronic communication was not prohibited?"

Spencer grins, "Nope. So I guess that means I will still get to talk to you this weekend at least."

"Good, expect an annoying amount of phone calls and texts."

Blushing Spencer bites her lip, "I am holding you to that."

The bell sounds and the majority of the class bolts for the door before it finishes ringing. Spencer and Ashley get up much more slowly and pack up with no sense of urgency whatsoever. Spencer reaches the door first but stops when a soft hand lands on her arm. She turns, eyes immediately locking with the brunettes, reading uncertainty despite the confident posture. The foot that separated them is filled with tension and the ten seconds of silence that ensues only serves to solidify it.

With a deep breath Ashley asks the question that has been on her mind for god knows how long, "Can I kiss you?" When Spencer doesn't respond immediately Ashley pales, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so forward-" A soft hand on her cheek and the now non-existent distance between them prevents a full on ramble. She takes another deep breath and leans forward slowly, needing to let Spencer know there is time to change her mind, she doesn't. Their lips meet tentatively and Ashley keeps her hands at her sides, for the first time in years unsure of where to put them. In reality the kiss doesn't last long and it never deepens, yet both feel the room spin and the world stop. It ends just as slowly as it began and Ashley keeps her eyes closed in a desire to prolong the moment.

"I uh, should get going before I get into more trouble," Spencer says softly.

"Yeah, and I should head to, um, band practice," Ashley replies distractedly as her eyes flutter open.

Spencer backs away slowly, "I'll see you Monday."

Ashley nods dumbly, heart sinking slightly at the thought. It is a full minute after Spencer leaves that Ashley gets enough of a grip to leave the classroom and head to her locker. Madison is next to it, tapping her foot impatiently, "Hey Mads."

"Oh, so you do remember me."

Ashley ducks her head slightly, "Sorry, I've kinda been a little preoccupied lately."

"No shit, you and Spencer have basically been inseparable for a month now. Normally I would be livid that you continuously blow me off in and out of school for some skinny white girl, but that disgustingly happy grin on your face makes it a little difficult to stay mad. So I am going to give you a chance to make up for being such a crappy friend lately."

Ashley laughs at her best friend, "And what, pray tell, must I do?"

"One, dish on what's going on between the two of you. Two, we are going out this weekend whether you want to or not."

"Luckily for you I was going to ask if you wanted to hit up Gray's, so I think I can manage number two."

"And the part about you dishing what is going on between you and blondie?"

Ashley shuts her locker and walks past Madison, turning her head just slightly over her shoulder with a wide grin, "I don't kiss and tell."

"The hell you don't, slut."

Ashley keeps walking, "I've got band practice but I will text when it's over."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Spencer enters her father's car in a far less happy mood than when she arrived at Dr. Martin's. Today was spent going over what she felt in the days after she was rescued. To say she feels emotionally drained would be an understatement. Without even thinking she pulls out her phone and sends a text **how was band practice? I wish you could come over tonight**

** Practice was alright. I could just come over and pretend I forgot you were grounded and charm my way in.**

Spencer laughs out loud and her father takes note of her now relaxed posture **I don't think even you can charm my mother. Plus aren't you hanging with Madison tonight?**

** Yeah, Paula might be part of the one percent immune to me. And Mads informed me I am going to a house party tonight or she will kick my ass**

** Then you better go, I kinda like your ass** Spencer blushes as she hits send.

**Why Spencer Carlin, are you flirting with me?**

** Maybe**

** Well, either way I do have a fantastic ass so I cannot blame you**

Spencer laughs again, **And there's that ego I have grown used to**

** You like my ego just as much as you like my ass**

** So do you know where this house party is going to be?**

** No clue, probably some jock who wants to get into Madison's pants**

** My brother likes her so she better not get any ideas**

** Don't worry, I think she likes your brother too, she just knows how to get her hands on free liquor**

** Luckily for you**

** I don't need her to get free liquor, I'm charming remember?  
Just keep telling yourself that**

** I do, every morning and evening**

** You're too much**

** I am taking that as a compliment**

"Honey, you can get out of the car now, we're home."

Spencer looks up from her phone and smiles sheepishly at her father, "Right, I knew that."

"Uh huh. So what's Ashley up to tonight?"

"Going out with her friend Madison."

"Seeing as how your mother didn't specifically ban you from your phone this weekend I am ok with you texting and talking with her, but you may want to keep it on the down low. Your mother reserves the right to add to the punishment."

"Understood, thanks Dad. And down low? Really, do people still say that?"

"Well I just said it, and I do believe I am a person, so the answer would be yes."

Spencer shakes her head and sends one more text before entering their home, **I have been instructed to be sneaky with my texts so it might not be until after dinner before I send another**

** I suppose I will take what I can get**

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Ding dong bitch!" Madison calls from the foyer of the Davies Mansion.

Ashley comes out of the kitchen and rolls her eyes, "Bitch is not really a term of endearment you know."

"Who said it was meant as a term of endearment?"

Ashley rolls her eyes again and starts to head upstairs, "I take it you are getting ready here?"

"Duh, and I am claiming your black strappy heels."

"Fine, I don't think I am dressing up too much anyways."

Madison looks at her friend closely, "And why would that be? You usually love getting all slutty."

The brunette shrugs and starts digging in her shoes closet for the heels, "Just not feeling it."

"It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain blonde you have been ditching me for, would it?"

Ashley hands the shoes over, "And if it does?"

Madison grabs the shoes with one hand and points a finger in the brunette's face with the other, "Tell me what exactly is going on between the two of you or so help me I will bitch slap you into compliance."

Ashley can't help but smile even though she knows it will only strengthen the Latina's resolve, "We're…I don't know what we are but I like it. I like being around her, I kinda go crazy when I'm not. She is all I can think about any more, I think about her more than I think about the band. All I want to do is make her smile."

"Oh my god she has turned you into a romantic sap!"

"Shut up," she grumbles through a blush.

"Oh come on 'All I want to do is make her smile', Jesus I have never seen you so hung up on someone."

Ashley folds her arms across her chest and pouts, "Well can you blame me? Have you met her? She's amazing."

"Sap." Ashley retaliates in the only way she can think of, she sticks out her tongue. Madison laughs, "Come on you two year-old, let's get ready."

"I cannot believe you are making me walk four blocks in these heels," Madison hisses.

"You were the one who wanted to wear them so badly, and I am not parking my car so close to drunken idiots."

"You could have dropped me off."

"And walked four blocks by myself at night? Hell no."

"Bitch."

"Love you too Mads."

They finally reach the house of one of the school's top jocks and find it packed with classmates. They find the guy selling the cups and hand over five bucks a piece and immediately hit up the keg. Ashley takes a sip then makes a face, "Cheap beer, awesome."

"Suck it up, not everyone can shell out the dough for average beer let alone the hard liquor you are so fond of."

"Shut up Madison, you made a face too."

They walk around the party, chatting about what has been going on in their lives since they last hung out and making fun of their classmates who couldn't hold their liquor. A group of cheerleaders come up and steal Madison away for a bit and Ashley takes a spot on the wall, bored out of her mind.

**So how's the party?**

Ashley immediately smiles and sets her cup down to respond, **Terrible, the cheer bitches drug Madison away a few minutes ago and now I don't even have her to distract me. How's your night?**

** Pretty tame, just got done with dinner and am now attempting to do homework**

** Amazingly I think I would rather be doing that than be here**

** Ashley Davies, are you turning into a scholar?**

** Absolutely not, it is just a testament to how bored I am**

** Isn't there liquor or beer or something? Dance music?**

** There's beer, but I don't really feel like drinking tonight, and it's just some dude's with crappy taste in music playing his ipod**

** Bummer. No cute girls?**

Ashley re-reads the text about ten more times, blinking slowly trying to figure out what Spencer is trying to get at. Surely the girl doesn't think Ashley would hook up with some girl at the party, would she? Then Ashley thinks back to the last party she attended, and the girl answering her phone when Spencer called. **Honestly, I haven't been paying any attention to the girls here**

As if the gods knew what was going on and decided to screw with her, a sultry voice distracted her from her phone, "Hey Ashley, you look lonely."

Ashley furrows her brows as she tries to remember who the brunette before her is, "Not particularly no."

The girl's smile falters briefly before stepping closer to the rock star, "Well, either way you don't look like you are enjoying yourself, and I know I can help with that."

Ashley tries to put some distance between them but finds her back pressed firmly against the wall, "Yeah, that's not happening."

"And why's that?" the nameless girl asks dropping the provocative tone completely.

Ashley opens her mouth but stops when her phone goes off, **Really? **Ashley glances briefly at the brunette fuming at her then back to her phone, **Even if I did notice all I would do is compare them to you and see how severely they fall short**

"Earth to Ashley," the brunette snaps, not used to being ignored.

"Listen chica," Madison says, finally decided to make her presence known, "Ashley here is what one would call taken and trust me the girl is better than you in every way so don't bother trying getting into Ashley's pants."

The girl glares at Madison, "Ashley didn't say she was taken."

"I am," Ashley says with a laugh, just now fully realizing it herself. "Sorry."

The girl huffs and spins on her heel, making a beeline for the exit. Madison laughs hard, "That was funny as hell. You might want to tell Spencer to watch herself, there are quite a few girls who will not be happy that you have suddenly decided to quit playing the field."

Ashley frowns, "I didn't think about that."

"Relax Ash, none of them are crazy enough to do more than be bitchy to her."

Ashley shakes her head, "I'm not worried about that, her brothers and I won't let that be a problem. I just don't want her to find out about those girls from them."

"Oh come on Ash, she knows your reputation."

"Hearing it from the gossip in the locker room is one thing, hearing it from the girls I fucked is a little different, a little more damaging."

"Then tell her first so you can do damage control."

Ashley nods her head then reads her latest message, **Ok, so maybe you are a charmer**

** Is there any way you can get your sentence shortened? I really want to talk to you in person and don't feel like waiting until Monday if I can help it.**

** I doubt it but…you might be able to sneak in tomorrow night. Mom and Dad go to bed kinda early and Glen is going to some party with Madison.**

** What about Clay?**

** If he is here he won't say anything, and there is a chance Glen will bully him into going out too.**

** Ok, just text me when the coast is clear.**

** Should I be worried?**

** Just something I feel I need to get off my chest**

** Yeah that doesn't sound ominous at all**

** So I'll see you tomorrow night?**

** Yeah, probably around midnight?**

** I can make that work.**

** Ok, see you then**

"You ok?"

Ashley turns to Madison, "Yeah, I umm, I'm gonna go to Spencer's tomorrow night so we can talk about my past."

"Jesus, you really like her."

"Quit sounding so surprised Madison."

"Well, I definitely need to get to know this girl better so I can figure out what she did to get you so pussy-whipped."

"Shut up Madison."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Spencer listens at her door intently, relieved for a change to hear her father's snores coming from down the hall. Ashley's texts made her so nervous it was easy to stay awake until midnight. She sends a text saying that the coast is clear and barely has to wait for the response that Ashley is coming to the door. Spencer quietly hurries down the steps and opens the door to see an equally nervous Ashley. This does nothing to quell that ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Hey Ash."

Ashley smiles and steps inside, "Hey Spence."

"So, um, why don't we go upstairs incase mom and dad wake up."

Ashley's heart speeds up a few beats per second, this would be the first time she has entered the blonde's bedroom, "Ok."

They walk up the stairs and into the room in silence. Ashley refrains from doing a happy dance when Spencer shuts the door behind them, feeling privileged to know Spencer trusts her enough to do so. Then her stomach drops when she wonders if that is all about to change.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Ashley fidgets a bit and struggles to maintain eye contact, "So, last night at the party this girl came up to me, a girl that I had had a thing with a few months back. And, well, she got me thinking about that night you called and some other girl answered the phone. I um, I know that you know I've been with girls before but, um, I don't think you know just how many there have been. The rumors about me being a player, they're true. Or at least they were. I've hooked up with a lot of girls, a lot of girls and at the time I was proud of it but now I need you to know that none of them meant anything."

Spencer stands still, processing what was being said, "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" She doesn't give Ashley a chance to speak. "Did you do anything with the girl last night?"

"No!"Ashley says a little too loudly, earning her a warning glare. She continues softly, "Nothing happened last night. She hit on me and I told her I was taken… I haven't done anything with any other girl since that night Sasha answered my phone, and I stopped when you called."

Spencer nods her head and sits down on her bed, "Why are you telling me this?"

"I didn't want you to hear from one of them, you deserve to hear from me that I was stupid. It's true, what I text you last night." Spencer looks at her confused, "That when I see other girls all I do is compare them to you and see how much better you are." Spencer blushes and doesn't move away when Ashley sits down next to her, "You make me want to be better, to be a better person, you have to know that there is no reason for you to feel threatened by my past mistakes."

Slowly the blonde turns to the girl next to her and places a hand on a soft cheek, "Ok."

"Ok?" Ashley asks dumbly.

"Ok, I get it. I may not like it, but I get that who you were and who you are aren't exactly the same. I trust you Ashley."

The brunette lets out a sigh of relief and rests her forehead against Spencer's, "I promise I won't abuse that trust."

Spencer pulls back slightly only to go in for a soft kiss. This time Ashley tentatively cups the delicate girl's cheek. They stay sitting on the bed for a while sharing gentle kisses before they hear the downstairs door open and close, followed by feet making their way up the stairs. They listen with baited breath as the feet stop outside their door. A knock sounds but Spencer says nothing. The door opens anyway and Glen sticks his head in. He looks at the two girls for a minute before speaking, "Mom and dad wake up really early so either you have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn or you might want to make your escape now." With that he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

"Guess that's my cue," Ashley says and stands up reluctantly. Spencer follows and the two creep down the stairs. Ashley opens the door then turns and places a parting kiss on waiting lips before slipping off into the night.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks to everyone for sticking with my slow updating, I am trying to make it worthy of your patience. An extra thanks to those who review, fav and get alerts, you make my day. This chapter has been done for a bit but turned out shorter than I like but I cannot seem to flesh it out much so I am finally posting it. Please enjoy.**

Spencer gazes up at the impressive stone building steadily growing closer. 'Got to give it to the Catholics, if there is anything they know how to do it is build a church,' she muses. She notices her brother has started scanning the crowd of people still milling around the outside. She notices when he smiles and knows he has found Madison. His smile dropping, however, confuses her. She tries to follow his line of sight and cocks her head to the side with a slight grin making its way onto her face.

"Well hello, Spencer, fancy meeting you and your family here," Ashley greets when the Carlin's finally get into range.

Arthur smiles widely, "Ashley Davies, what brings you out so early?"

Ashley steps closer so she is right next to Spencer, "I crashed at Madison's last night and decided I would keep her company."

"How nice."

Spencer rolls her eyes at her mother's attempt at civility and grabs Ashley's hand, "Come on, let's find a seat."

Ashley has rarely felt stronger conflicting emotions in her entire life. On the one hand, she is bored as hell and more than a little uncomfortable. Church is far from her thing and this service seems never ending. On the other, Spencer is sitting next to her with their fingers laced. They were lucky enough to have to split up the group and her Spencer, Madison and Glen were in one row with Paula, Arthur and Clay a few rows behind. That didn't do much to prevent her hairs from standing up as she feels Paula's condemning gaze. As if sensing her discomfort, Spencer begins to rub small circles with her thumb over the back of Ashley's hand and what choice does the brunette have but to relax. She feels incredibly awkward and out of place when it is time for Communion and she is the only one in the entire church to remain seated. She takes the time to look around and her eyes keep returning to the crucifix over the altar, is she the only one who finds it a tad morbid that is the symbol for Christianity?

Ashley's musings distract her enough to jump slightly when a soft voice whispers in her ear, "Found God yet?"

Ashley shakes her head, "More like wondering why I haven't burst into flames yet."

"From being in the church or from my mother's glare?"

"Both. Your mother a little bit more." Spencer tries her best to stifle her laugh but still knows her mother's eyes are burning a hole into her back.

The service comes to a close and they all pause on the sidewalk, Spencer and Ashley still hand in hand. Arthur looks at the girls with a knowing smile, "Ashley, Madison, why don't you charming ladies join us for brunch?"

"Arthur," Paula hisses, "Spencer is grounded, remember?"  
He waves a hand dismissively, "We told her Ashley couldn't come over, this will take place at a restaurant. And look at her, you want to deny this wisp of a girl sustenance? Besides, Glen and Madison have plans later today anyway."

"We would love to Mr. Carlin," Madison says sweetly.

Spencer beams at her father and begins to drag Ashley towards the Carlin car but is tugged back. She cocks her head and Ashley makes sure to give a reassuring smile before turning on the charm, "I am sure Madison wants to ride with Glen but that would make your car rather full. I would be willing to drive Spencer and meet you guys. I actually know the perfect restaurant, best brunch in town, and I can guarantee us a table."

Spencer turns a wary eye on her mother, honestly wondering if smoke will start making its way out of her ears and nose. To her surprise Paula musters up a tight smile, "That would be fine. Just lead the way."

The second they are out of sight of Mother Superior Ashley comes to a stop and pulls Spencer in for a soft kiss, "Yeah, I've wanted to do that all day."

Spencer tries to fight her blush and fails miserably, "I don't know what was stopping you."

"Oh I don't know, fear of your mother biting my head off, and we already addressed my fear of bursting into flames, think what would happen if I were to do that while in the church," Ashley teases before stealing another.

"Come on, you are supposed to be leading the way to this amazing restaurant."

"I am stunned your mom went for it so quickly. Honestly I was just throwing it out there not expecting her to say ok."

"Yeah, I wonder what made her say yes."

It becomes clear shortly after they sit down with full plates at the five-star restaurant what Paula was thinking when she said yes. "So Ashley, Spencer tells me you are in a band."

Ashley swallows her eggs quickly, "Yeah, An Arbitrary Disaster. I'm the lead singer and I play guitar."

"That's nice," Paula says with poorly hidden disdain, "And you expect this to get you somewhere? Is that why you don't seem to take school seriously?"

"Paula!"

She ignores her husband and the disbelieving stares of the rest of the table, "From what I hear you have a terrible attendance record and your grades probably aren't good enough to get you into even an average school, so you clearly don't have a backup plan."

Ashley tries to come up with a calm and diplomatic answer, not wanting to cause a scene and make Spencer anymore uncomfortable. However, the blonde in question does not seem to care and answers first, "Mom! That is completely uncalled for and I want to know who you have been hearing these things from. For one thing it is absolutely none of your business what kind of a student Ashley is. For another thing, Ashley's band is really good, she also writes the music, and they have a very big gig coming up this weekend. And how dare you come right from church and judge someone."

Now the stares are directed at the youngest blonde, including a few from the neighboring tables. Paula drops her voice and narrows her eyes, "You want to be grounded for another weekend young lady?"

"Grounded for sticking up for my gir..fri..for Ashley? What has she done to you?" Spencer fires back, voice a tad louder garnering a couple more pairs of eyes.

Paula doesn't have to think up her response, "She has gotten you to skip school, talk back, and God knows what else."

Spencer stands up, "That may be part of it, but let's be completely honest mother. You still haven't accepted the fact that I am gay and you cannot stand that I am falling for her." She turns to Ashley but doesn't have to say a word, the brunette is already up and throwing a fifty down on the table.

"Where do you think you are going?"

Spencer pauses right before completely turning her back on her mother, "Why? You already threatened to ground me for talking back, I really don't see why I should have to stay and listen to you attack Ashley some more." With that she marches in front of Ashley out of the restaurant to numerous stares and not caring about a single one of them. She doesn't say a word the entire way to Ashley's car, but with each step her body begins to shake more and more. Ashley wraps an arm around the taller girl to which Spencer immediately leans into, "Take me somewhere quiet."

The brunette nods her head and opens the passenger door before racing over to her side and throwing her baby into drive just as Arthur comes running out. She sees Spencer shut her phone off before closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. Ashley doesn't say anything, just drives to the only place she can think of. It's cliché she knows, but the beach really can be a great place when you just want to think, and as an L.A. native she knows where to go to avoid the tourists.

They walk to the most secluded spot they can find and Ashley sits down first. She is pleasantly surprised when Spencer settles between the brunette's legs and wastes no time in wrapping her arms securely the troubled girl, "Thank you, for standing up for me."

"Some friend I would be if I didn't." Spencer leans back further, head resting on a tan shoulder, "Even now I expect an act of defiance to result in physical pain."

The brunette blanches then tightens her grip ever so slightly, "Why?"

"Thirty six hours is a long time," for a minute Ashley thought that was the only answer she was going to get. "Every time I talked back he'd punish me. If I was lucky it was just a slap. I wasn't lucky very often."

Ashley fights back the tears, "I won't let anyone hurt you again."

The laugh that emits from Spencer nearly causes Ashley to recoil, "Don't make promises you can't keep. I grew up to my parents' promise of keeping me safe, yet it did nothing to protect me from him. It didn't stop him from kidnapping me, it didn't keep him from mutilating my body with fist and knife," her voice drops even lower, "it didn't save me from being raped over and over again. Promises can't protect you."

Bile moves up her throat but Ashley pushes it back down, "I…"

"I get it, if it's too much for you to deal with, if I'm too much for you to deal with now. I won't hold it against you."

The sound of the ocean, the most calming sound in the world to her, fails to reach her ears. Nothing does. She's also pretty certain her heart stopped. She suspected Spencer was raped, found out that she was kidnapped, but this was something not even her worst nightmares could have come up with. She looks at Spencer, at the complete despair written all over her face and wills herself to pull herself together long enough to be there for the broken girl, but what can she say? Instead she tightens her hold and shaking girl and draws her in, hoping maybe she can be a physical shield from all this pain.

Spencer rests in the embrace for a minute before her hollow voice continues, "The really twisted thing is that I am even more scared when someone tells me they love me. Everything he did was motivated by his belief that he was in love with me and that we were meant to be together. Now even hearing it from my parents can make me flinch. It's why I couldn't stay with Jessie."

"Jessie?" Ashley asks with only a small touch of jealousy.

"We were dating when all this happened. He gave her a concussion when she got in his way, yet she never blamed me. She tried so hard to keep us together, but I cringed at every touch and term of endearment. She didn't deserve that. It's rather surprising I broke up with her, that it wasn't the other way around. I wish it had been, she deserved so much better. You do too. You don't deserve dealing with someone so broken."

"Spence, I…I cannot imagine what you went through, but I can promise you I am here for you. It hurts to see you in so much pain, but it kills me to look in your eyes and not see any hope."

Spencer plays with the fingers around her waist, "It's hard. Forty-one, that's how many times he cut me. I don't remember most of them, I tended to pass out from the pain before he quit. The doctors were amazed I didn't die from blood-loss."

Ashley loses the battle with her tears, "I'm so glad that didn't happen."

"Sometimes I'm not."

"Please don't say that," Ashley barely whispers. She takes a risk and places a feather-light kiss against the blonde's neck. "Please, don't think that."

"I'm so broken though."

"We'll buy some super glue," Ashley tries weakly. The tears keep streaking down her face, but it would take an act of God to get her to let go of Spencer for even a second to wipe them away. "You may not see it, but you aren't as broken as you were when we first met. Before I couldn't get within a foot of you, and neither could your family. You still have walls, but they aren't quite as high. I know it may not seem like much, but it is something. You are finding the pieces and putting them back together, even if they are a little banged up. And I will be here as much as you want me to be."

"Just keep holding me?"

"You don't even have to ask."

Arthur's jaw is clenched painfully, has been since he watched his daughter speed off. He had walked back into the restaurant and told his family they were leaving. He remained silent the entire drive, and the barely held fury in his eyes was enough to prevent anyone else from talking either. He dropped Madison off with an apologetic smile before returning home. The whole family (sans Spencer) has been gathered in the living room for ten minutes and still no one has dared to speak.

Glen cracks first, "What the hell mom!"

She glares at him, "Excuse me?"

"This is all your fault. Ashley was trying to be nice, and you ambush her! Spencer's right, Ashley hasn't done anything to you," he retorts.

"You don't like her relationship with Spencer either. In fact I remember you coming to me on more than one occasion saying that you thought we should do something to discourage them spending so much time together."

Glen looks away for a moment, eyes cast down in shame, "I admit I was jealous of it, that Spencer found someone she could let in and it wasn't one of us." He lifts his eyes and stares his mother down, "But I am willing to get over it since it seems to be the one thing that's really helping Spencer. Sorry I am not selfish enough to care more about me over Spencer's well-being and happiness."

Paula opens her mouth but is cut off by her other son, "Seriously mom, we need to be there for Spencer, regardless of who she decides to date. She was right, this isn't really about Ashley, it's about you not accepting she's gay."

Paula looks around the room and fails to catch a sympathetic eye. Arthur finally unclenches his jaw, "Spencer ran away because of you, when she comes home I expect you to apologize to her and Ashley." With that he turns and marches into the kitchen to grab himself a drink.

Hours pass but their position on the beach has barely changed. Both girls have calmed down somewhat and every few minutes Ashley places the gentlest of kisses to Spencer's temple, neck, cheek, sometimes accompanied by whispers of assurance but mostly she lets the kisses speak for her.

"I know we should leave, but I don't want to," Spencer whispers.

Ashley shrugs, "Your mom already thinks I am a bad influence, doesn't matter if we stay five more second or five more hours. Whenever you want to leave we will, I've got nothing better to do than hold you."

"Such a sweet-talker."

"It's a gift."

"Half an hour more?"

"Sounds good to me."

Forty-five minutes later the black Porsche pulls into the Carlin drive. They walk up to the door hand in hand and are greeted by Arthur before they even reach the door. He pulls both girls into a hug with a sigh of relief. When he lets go and steps back Paula has joined them. Ashley steps forward a bit to place herself between the two blondes and raises her chin defiantly.

Paula takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry. To both of you. I was out of line and I…I guess I have some things that I need to work on."

Ashley nods her head slightly in acknowledgement but says nothing. She turns to Spencer, "I'll see you tomorrow. I can pick you up if you want."

"I'd like that."

Ashley gives their joined hands a squeeze and turns to leave but is stopped when Spencer doesn't let go. She turns and is met with soft lips and a whispered "thank you".

"Anytime."


	18. Chapter 18

**So I have not fallen off the face of the planet in the last six months like it probably seemed. This is the bridging chapter to the final act and so hopefully the rest will come more quickly. If I still have any readers please review. Oh, and the song towards the end is "Cling to Me" by LP. Enjoy!**

"Are you sure you are ok with this? I would completely understand if you wanted to go home."

"What is it going to take for me to convince you I am going to be fine?"

"You being able to say the word 'fine' without blinking."

"What?"

"Every time you say you are fine you blink. My theory is it's because you are lying and just saying it to get people to leave you alone."

"You've noticed I blink when I tell people I am fine? I can't decide if that's cute or weird."

"It means I pay attention to detail, and that I know you well enough to know when you are bullshitting me."

Spencer lets out an exasperated sigh, "I am getting out of the car now, if you want to follow so you can do your concert you are more than welcome."

Ashley grabs her hand before she can step out, "I don't want to pressure you into a situation you won't be comfortable in."

"Sometimes you are as bad as my family," she leans over and kisses the brunette. "Luckily for you I find you much cuter."

"Lucky for you too," Ashley returns the kiss.

"Get your ass out of the car and hurry up!"

The young rock star flips her band mate off and continues the kiss. When they break apart Ashley presses their foreheads together and lets out a breath, "You sure you don't want me to take you home or something?"

Spencer pulls back and blinks in realization, "You're nervous."

"No."

"You can't bullshit me either, Ash."

"Tonight is huge. If I mess this up…what if this is my only shot? This is all I've ever wanted to do. And that's not even quite right. It's not that I woke up one day and decided I wanted to be a musician; I just started singing and playing. I've never considered doing something else. I don't have a backup plan. And your mom was right; my grades aren't good enough for college, even if I wanted to go."

"Ok, I am going to stop you right there because the words 'your mother was right' just came out of your mouth. It is perfectly normal and acceptable to be nervous but you are being a tad dramatic. One, you guys are great and you specifically are amazing so don't psych yourself out. Two, doing well could very well lead to big things, but if something goes wrong it isn't the end of your dreams. You work hard and that is going to pay off one day. Three, you are about the most confident person I know and that's kind of a big part of your stage presence so get out of your head and tonight will be great." Ashley sits for a moment processing prompting Spencer to roll her eyes, "Do I need to pull out the head tilt?"

"No, I'm going, I was just trying to figure out if that was cheesy enough I should laugh at you or not."

"I'm getting out of the car now."

Ashley is quick to follow, carefully grabbing her guitar out of the backseat then rushing up to lace their fingers together. They pause just outside the back entrance so Ashley can take one last deep breath, and when she opens her eyes not even Spencer can spot the nerves. They enter Dominic's and Spencer is a little impressed. It is not a huge venue, it is still a bar, but the atmosphere is perfect. Portraits of famous musicians spaced along the walls, dim lighting without being sleazy, furniture that looks like it gets taken care of or replaced frequently at least, and a wait staff that doesn't look like stripper wannabes. The stage is raised and more than big enough for a five-piece band but not overwhelming, a dance floor directly in front of that has already accumulated a few concert-goers and an area with tables and chairs raised slightly above the stage and to the right of the dance floor.

"I thought you could sit up there, it should pretty much just be parents or those who just want to enjoy the show a little more quietly, and it still has a decent view of the stage. I told Kyla to meet you up there with the others."

"Yeah, that'll be nice."

"Ummm, we are supposed to be setting up now and stuff so…"

"I will go get a prime seat and watch you be all technical."

Ashley shakes her head and plants a soft kiss, "You are such a dork."

"Psh, this coming from the girl with a Buffy Shrine in her room."

"Shhh…you promised not to bring that up. And it is not a shrine; I just have a few posters and a couple of signed copies of the comics on display."

"And the Season 8 Jones Soda bottles. Shrine."

"Go take your seat."

Spencer wanders for a minute trying to find the entrance to the tables. She takes a seat where she can see the whole stage but is not sitting directly in front of the speakers. There is a bar to her back and she notices a few parents already placing orders. She watches as the doors officially open and a few hundred people begin to file in. Because the opening act hasn't started yet there aren't too many pressed against the stage, but she knows it is only a matter of time. A couple of people cheer when Ashley and her band come out for a quick sound check, but they are just the first of two opening acts and not everyone has gotten through the doors yet. The band steps backstage again and Spencer happily notes that there are not too many people in the tabled area.

"Hey Spence!" calls out a familiar perky voice.

Spencer turns and sees the younger Davies girl skipping up towards her, "Hey Kyla, I see you brought the whole gang." Trailing behind came Aiden, with what looked suspiciously like an alcoholic beverage, Madison, Glen, Clay and Chelsea. "I didn't know you were coming tonight. Mom didn't send you to check up on me did she?"

Glen rolls his eyes, "Not everything is about you, Spence. If you haven't noticed Madison and Aiden are here. Besides, I saw Ashley perform when we first got here, remember? They are pretty good, and I am always up for a concert."

Spencer looks a little sheepish, "Sorry. Well, it will be a little while yet before they start, please, join me."

"Isn't this exciting? If they do well tonight they could start getting noticed and get more and more shows and then they will get a spot on some TV show which will lead to them being on The Living Room or something and then a real record deal and soon she will be flying all over the country doing shows and promotional things - "

"Kyla! Calm down chica, the show hasn't even started yet."

The brunette smiles and shrugs, "It's exciting is all I was trying to say."

"Well learn to say it quicker."

"Come on Madison, I think it's cute how excited Kyla is for her sister."

"Psh, someone is dying to get some tonight."

Spencer smiles at the banter shooting across the table, "If you guys want to get closer to the stage and stuff you should probably do it now, this place is starting to fill up."

Glen opens his mouth but Madison beats him to it, "Nah, why get all sweaty and risk getting hit by some random drunk when we have a perfect view here and don't run the risk of causing our feet to bleed. I hope whoever invented heels suffered a painful death."

"And yet you wear them," Spencer points out.

"They do make my legs look nice."

Spencer laughs with the rest of the table and wonders just when exactly she gained so many friends. It was nice, it almost felt like things were heading back to, well to a place she didn't mind being. Her attention darts back to the stage when the lights dim quite a bit. She sees five shapes take the stage and joins in with the few cheers. The lights over the dance floor remain nearly out but the lights aimed at the stage come to life and there Ashley is, seemingly taking up the entire stage despite being a small little thing, "We are An Arbitrary Disaster and this is the moment your life changes for the better." Spencer shakes her head in amusement as the opening chords roar to life.

They do amazing. By their last song it is obvious they will be selling a number of the CDs they brought and have earned a few followers on the social network sites. The crowd loves them and Ashley plays to them perfectly. The only possible slip in her stage persona being her eyes finding their way to Spencer's more than a few times per song, but the blonde didn't mind that so much.

"Damn, that was sick!" Glen exclaims as the applause dies down.

"They were even better than when we saw them last. They really have a chance of making it," Clay adds.

"Just remember not to gush like this when Ashley gets up here, I really don't want to have to deal with her ego the rest of the night, and all of next week."

Kyla comes to the defense of her sister, "Come on Madison, she deserves to be told when she does great." Then she thinks about it, "But yeah, I wouldn't go overboard, I do have to live with her and I am not sure our mansion is big enough for me and her ego."

Spencer shrugs, "But without her ego she would not be Ashley."

Glen looks at her and rolls his eyes, "You are kinda gross."

"Hey!"

"Well, I want to hear you gushing about your girlfriend just as much as you want to hear my gushing about mine."

"Fair point."

"And the rock star decides to grace us with her presence," Madison mocks.

"I figured it would be good to be seen mingling with the common-folk," Ashley shoots back, swagger firmly in place.

Spencer sees through it, "You were amazing."

"I know," she answers in her practiced casual tone, but her smile lets Spencer know she needed the affirmation.

"Ok, being completely objective and not a girlfriend just trying to be nice, I think you guys did a better job. I mean they were great, but you guys were amazing."

"I thought we agreed to do our best to keep her ego in check?"

Spencer offers Madison a sheepish smile, "Yeah, well, I like her ego."

Ashley leans in and places a small peck on Spencer's cheek, "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Anywho, what's the plan now?"

Spencer regards her brother and tries to discern any hidden motive behind the question, "I didn't really think that far ahead actually."

"Well, I often find that the best way to end a night is to go to IHOP."

The blonde turns to her girlfriend and cocks her head, "IHOP?"

"International House of Pancakes, I am sure you have heard of it. Most importantly they are open 24 hours and are always serving pancakes."

"Mmmmm pancakes," Aiden practically moans. At the looks from his friends he shrugs his shoulders.

"I think that means this is decided then. To IHOP!" Kyla jumps up and is halfway to the door by the time everyone realizes she has gone.

"Did you guys let her drink?"

"Umm…"

"Yeah she is so not riding in my car after she is full of sugar."

The night out with friends has officially ended as everyone drives out of the IHOP parking lot. Spencer and Ashley sit for a while in the Porsche just enjoying the silence. When Ashley finally turns the key Spencer reaches out and entwines their fingers, "Could we go somewhere we can just be?"

The brunette doesn't answer, just puts the car in drive and turns the opposite direction of Spencer's home. Ashley delivers on the request, taking them to _their_ beach. They sit in the sand side-by-side and watch the waves come and go. Maybe a half hour goes by before Spencer breaks the silence, "So what's your favorite movie?"

It's the rocker's turn to cock her head, "What?"

The blue-eyed girl smiles as she lays back to gaze at the stars, what she can see of them anyways, "Well, I know we spend a lot of time together, and we know each other pretty well, but there are still a lot we don't, and favorite movie seemed like a good place to start."

Ashley mimics the blonde's actions, "Well, I guess at this moment in time my favorite movie would be _Walk The Line_. And yours?"

"Well, I guess at this moment in time," Spencer says only slightly mockingly, "would be… _The Sound of Music_. That really has been my favorite movie since I was like three. My parents had to buy me another copy of the VHS when I was like 13 because I wore my first copy out completely. I still watch it twice a year."

"I guess my most watched movie is _Princess Bride_, I still watch it just about any time I am sick."

"Really, why?"

"It was the movie Dad always put in when I had to stay home from school and he happened to not be on tour."

"Makes sense."

"Ok, what is the worst movie you have ever seen?"

"Easy, _X-Men Origins: Wolverine_. The fact that I sat through that whole thing is a miracle. If I drank I would rent it just so I could drink every time someone went 'nnnnoooo!' and see how quickly I got hammered."

"Ooh that's a good one, and I think I know what Madison and I are doing next time we are bored. I guess the worst movie I have ever seen is easily _Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li_. God, that movie was bad."

"I don't get why studios insist on rebooting perfectly good ideas only to trash them."

"Did you hear about the Buffy reboot?"

"Ugh, the thought alone makes me want to puke. How on Earth can you do Buffy without Joss? Isn't that a cardinal sin or something? Luckily I heard it got shelved. I am pretty sure I would have protested at the premier if it had gone through."

"Wow. And you call me the Buffy nerd."

"You are the Buffy nerd, I am the Buffy fan."

"Ok, so then besides Buffy, favorite TV show?"

"Mm, the first four seasons of the _West Wing_ are definitely some of the best television I have ever seen, but _Veronica Mars_ always pops into my head too."

"I have to go with _I Love Lucy_."

"Really?"

"Come on, a show that is still funny fifty years later? When does Lucy ever fail to put a smile on your face when watching it?"

"Ok, I can see that."

The night progresses like this, just talking and asking stupid questions that on the surface tell you nothing about the other person, but when you add to what you already know helps to sharpen your picture of them. Time means nothing to the two until the first rays of the day start shining on their backs.

"Did your phone ever go off?"

Spencer double checks, "No. That's…weird."

"Maybe your mom just went to bed before you got home and hasn't woken yet?"

They share a glance, "Maybe you should get me home."

They make their way to the pretty sports car, "If something was wrong someone would have called you."

"Yeah, but this is still wigging me out."

"Wigging me out?"  
"I thought we agreed earlier tonight, this morning, that we weren't going to call each other out for their choice of phrases?"

"Eh."

Spencer rolls her eyes and gets into the car. Their ride back to the Carlin residence is just as silent and just as relaxing as their ride to the beach and despite wanting to know if a pod person has taken over her mother, she simply sits in the car for a few more minutes before one last kiss goodbye. She enters the Carlin abode fully prepared for another fight with her mother. Instead when she comes across her mother sitting at the dining room table in her robe all she is greeted with is a smile and a question about how the night went.

"Fine. Mom, what's going on?"

Her father chooses that moment to come out of the kitchen carrying two steaming cups of coffee. Spencer notes the bags under her father's eyes and realizes that he has not gone to bed. He forces a smile, "Hey honey, did you and Ashley have fun?"

"We did. An entire night of fun, without any phone calls from family. Are you guys feeling ok? Even before…you guys still weren't exactly cool with me staying out all night."

Arthur hands his wife a mug, "Spencer, why don't you sit down."

Spencer's mind races, trying to find an answer to her parents odd behavior, and decides that their advice to take a seat is probably going to be a good idea. Once she is seated and has taken a few deep breaths to calm herself she looks her mother in the eyes, "What's going on?"  
"Well, yesterday afternoon we received a subpoena ad testificandum."

Spencer feels the world closing in around her, "Do you really have to be so technical?"

"We received a subpoena requiring us to return to Ohio to testify in court."

"Why are you just now telling me about this?"

Arthur closes his eyes to shield himself for watching all of Spencer's walls reappear, her voice void of emotion, "We thought that you deserved last night. We wanted you to go and support Ashley and have fun."

"Ok. When do we have to go back?"

"Two weeks."

"Ok. Is there anything else?"

"That's all we have to tell you, do you want to talk? Maybe in a couple of hours call Dr. Martin?"

Spencer stares blankly through her parents for a moment before abruptly standing, "No, I'll be fine. I just need to shower. I have sand in some uncomfortable places." She exits the room quietly with an "I love you" following her, but it's not her father's voice that reaches her ears.

She blinks once, trying to remember going up to her bedroom but at the same time remembering having to think 'step' the whole way. She continues to stand in her own doorway shifting, her skin itself making her uncomfortable. With a deep, steadying breath she tosses her purse and jacket into the bedroom but does not follow. She enters the bathroom, starting the shower as soon as she is sure the door is locked. Neither block out his words though, "We're meant to be together. Soon you will stop denying it." Another deep breath and she is under the steady, warm stream.

She closes her eyes for a moment, only a moment, before forcing herself to go through her routine; lather in shampoo, rinse, lather in conditioner, work out all the tangles, rinse, scrub in face wash, rinse, wash rest of body… Her hand touches the first scar only to jerk it back with a gasp; she had not felt the touch of warm fingers but of a cool blade. Breath quickening she looks at herself. From her torso down to her knees she does not see the white lines of scars, but fresh cuts with fresh blood. Desperately trying to go numb, she turns the water to scalding but she can't wash away the image.

The first sob tears through her and she knows her control has been taken again. Now all she can feel are the shackles around her wrists. Her gaze shifts to the flesh marred by her own hands, but all she sees is the faint outline of the chains. Not knowing what else to do she grabs the razor blade she never got rid of on the top lip of the shower.

Glen enters the dining room rubbing sleep out of his eyes, "Isn't it a little early even for you guys?"

"Yeah, we were having trouble sleeping. What's your excuse?" Paula asks through a forced smile.

"Someone's in the shower," he yawns.

"Probably Spence."

"Did she just get home?" he asks in disbelief, "I hope you guys didn't punish her too much."

"We didn't punish her."

Glen takes a good look at his parents for the first time, "What's going on?"

"We received the subpoenas yesterday. We just told her."

He blinks slowly, "And you let her go off on her own? To a room that locks. You let your daughter who cuts herself lock herself in a room with many sharp objects?"

Paula's eyes go wide, "She does?" But Glen is already halfway up the stairs, Arthur right on his heels. The three make it upstairs and while Glen and Paula go straight to the locked door and start pounding, causing Clay to poke his head out, Arthur goes into his daughter's bedroom. He grabs her purse and hurriedly turns it upside down and gives it a shake. As soon as her phone falls out he tosses the purse aside and picks it up to make a call.

"Hel-"

"Spencer needs you." He hangs up and goes back into the hallway where Glen was now trying to pick the lock. "I don't think trying to force our way in there is going to do us any good."

"Any good? Our daughter might be…might be… we can't risk not getting in there." And just like that it isn't just Spencer who is back to that time, but the whole family. No one really knowing what could be happening to their Spencer, only knowing that the chance of it turning out for the worst is not inconceivable. He wraps his arms around his wife and they all start pleading through the wood. After about ten minutes they think they have finally gotten through to her, but the shower turning off is not followed by the door opening, it isn't even followed by a sound. They keep trying though.

Ashley whips into the Carlin drive and nearly falls out, not knowing or caring if she put it into park let alone turned it off. She flies into the home, barely registering the door was unlocked, and heads towards the voices. She is greeted at the top of the stairs by the whole family sans Spencer.

"What's going on?" she demands.

Paula looks at her in confusion, "What are you doing here?"  
"I called her."

"You what?"

"I called her," Arthur repeats simply before turning to Ashley and regarding her carefully, "How much has Spencer told you?"

"She uh, I don't think she told me everything, but she told me that some guy kidnapped her and…" her inability to finish the sentence told the family all they needed.

"When Spencer got home we told her that we were served the subpoenas. We have to go back to Ohio to testify."

Ashley's eyes fall to the shut door for the first time, "Has she been shut up in there since?"

"Yeah. We uh, we thought at first she just needed to be alone to process, but then Glen said that she cuts and we got nervous. She hasn't responded to us at all, the only sign we got was when she turned off the shower about five minutes ago. I thought you might have better luck."

"Ok," she says numbly. She walks over to the door and places her palm against the wood, "Spence?" No response. "Please come out." Silence. She turns to the Carlins looking completely lost, "I don't know what to say."

"Do what you do when you calm Spencer down from her nightmares," Glen says, clearly showing a confidence in her abilities she does not fully see herself.

Ashley nods her head and turns back to the door but nothing is coming to her. This situation is just way too messed up; she can't get her head out of it to find a solution. She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the door and does what she always does when her emotions get to be too much, she sings:

_I know it seems blacker than midnight  
No one knows you, no one to hold tight  
Everything you are isn't what they thought  
Everything you learn isn't what they taught  
Everything is wrong, no you don't belong  
Before you slip hopelessly, cling to me  
_

That melody floating around her head for god-knows how long? She finally found lyrics for it after their heart to heart on the beach last week.

_You can say anything to me  
When you're lost, turn and see  
You know I'll always be here,  
Never let go  
Cling to me. (oh)  
Cling to me. (oh)_

Her voice gets a little louder, stronger.

_Cold and Dark and running through the streetlights  
Leading someone, and not a soul is in sight  
It's hard inside your head, wishing you were dead  
Always by yourself, calling out for help  
I'm right over here, don't give into fear  
When you are hurt, I bleed._

_Cling to me  
You can say anything to me  
When you're lost, turn and see  
You know I'll always be here,  
Never let go  
Cling to me. (oh)  
Cling to me. (oh)_

When you're too hurt to talk, I am a rock  
Cling to me. (oh)  
Cling to me.

She lets everything out, voice completely raw.

_Oh, before you slip hopelessly  
Cling to me  
You can say anything to me  
When you're lost, turn and see  
You know I'll always be here,  
Never let go  
Cling to me. (oh)  
Cling to me. (oh)_

When you're too hurt to talk, I am a rock  
Cling to me. (oh)  
Cling to me.

She holds the last note, not knowing what to do once the song ends. When it finally does she keeps her forehead pressed against the door, willing it to open.

It does. A moment later Spencer yanks the door open clad only in a towel and practically launches herself at the rock star. Ashley holds the fragile girl tightly and sighs with relief when she doesn't see any fresh cuts. Spencer sobs into Ashley's neck for some time and no one in the hallway moves. When it seems Spencer has started to calm down somewhat Ashley tilts her head so she can look into those haunted blue eyes, "So when do we leave?"


	19. Chapter 19

**There will probably only be one more chapter after this to tie things up. Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with me these last couple of years. Sorry for my sucky updating. With the next chapter I will be posting a link to my non-fanfiction second draft for anyone with the patience to deal with me a little while longer. It will be more fleshed out and more consistent. As for this chapter, I hope you enjoy, reviews are more than welcome.**

It's been two weeks and Spencer has failed to calm down from her nightmare. Maybe because this time it is reality as well. "It will be over soon," became her family's mantra. Over and over again she heard them say to that to her as well as to each other. "It will be over soon." Each time her family recited it she cringed. She wanted to scream at them, "How can I even think about it being over when all this means is I will have to see _him_ again?" Once again the only voice of sanity she heard belonged to Ashley. After the night she locked herself in the bathroom Ashley singing to her became a common occurrence, Spencer doesn't know if she would have been able to board the plane without it.

But Ashley is not here with her now. Ashley, well technically no one, was allowed to be with her before her testimony. Spencer knows that if only the brunette were here, holding her, signing softly, it would keep _him_ at bay. She knows that physically he is a room away, but her body can feel him. His presence isn't all around her, it's inside of her. She feels like crying as she acknowledges he has been inside of her from the moment he broke her. But before she had buffers; physical distance, prison walls, family, Dr. Martin, Ashley. Yes he was always in the back of her mind, and frequently at the front, but she could find other things to focus on in the light of day. Not now. Now all she can think about is the smell of his breath, the callouses on the pads of his left hand fingers, those satin sheets he bought just for her, and the way his eyes looked at her so lovingly.

A sob makes its way out, quickly followed by another. She draws her knees up to her chest and rocks back and forth, every so often violently shaking her hands in the hopes of casting off her shackles. The clock keeps ticking, refusing to give her any respite from time. She has to try and drown it out somehow. She grabs her mp3 player in the hopes of finding something loud enough, but as soon as she turns it on she notices a new playlist entitled ASHLEY. She selects it and suddenly Ashley is beside her, "So I know today is going to royally suck for you, and there is absolutely no way of getting around that. I am still rather pissed off your lawyer won't let me wait with you, but calmed down enough to think of some way around that. The next couple of songs I recorded just for you in these last few weeks. I know you won't believe me, but you are the strongest person I have ever met. Even so I want to do what I can for you. Spencer you are amazing, and I am not going to tell you that soon this will be all over, just that I will always be here for you, in whatever capacity I can. I love you." A guitar begins to accompany Ashley's voice and Spencer permits her eyes to close.

Four songs in and her peace is disrupted by a bailiff. He doesn't need to say anything, she stands, turns off her music, and follows him across the hall. When she enters a whisper blazes through the room as every head turns to stare at her. She pauses for a second before she catches Ashley's eye allowing her to enter, albeit with arms crossed protectively across her body. Her walk to the stand lasts an eternity. As she draws nearer to _him_ she puts her head down, body shaking. When she takes the stand and is asked to take the oath her eyes once again are drawn to Ashley's.

"Spencer, will you please tell the court what happened on August 24 of last year?"

Ashley nods her head in encouragement and with a deep breath Spencer starts her tale, "It was the first day of school. I went straight to my locker as soon as I got there like I always did. Inside was a note and a little teddy-bear. The note was just signed 'your admirer'. At first I thought it was from my girlfriend, but when she denied it I simply assumed another student had a crush on me."

"What happened over the next seven months?"

"Little things kept appearing in my locker, notes, gifts. The day before we left for Christmas break I found a copy of my favorite book with an inscription about being from my true love. That was when I started to get a little concerned, but when I came back from break I had kind of forgotten about it. The next big thing happened the day after my birthday in March. I opened my locker to find a photo of myself in my living room from the night before. With it was a diamond necklace and a note saying how much better of a gift that was compared to what my girlfriend got me. That's when I told my parents."

"Why hadn't you told your parents before this?"  
"I thought it was just a classmate with a crush, now I knew I was being stalked."

"And what did your parents do?"  
"They called the police but they didn't have any leads so there wasn't much that they could do. For the next couple of months I was never left alone, either my family or Jessie were with me at all times. The notes kept coming though, and they were getting scarier and scarier."

"Scarier how?"

"More threatening. One letter said that he was going to have to take care of Jessie because she was constantly in the way of our love…" she trails off and wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Can you describe your relationship with Mr. Saunders during all of this?"

She takes a deep breath but keeps her eyes focused on the brunette in the front row, "It was good. He was my favorite teacher. He was always willing to help me with my writing, even when I didn't think I needed it. It was not uncommon for him to ask me to stay after school a little while to work on something. I thought it was because he thought I was a promising writer. He never said anything that made me think he was the one responsible for the letters, not that I remember any ways. But there was nothing more than respect for a good teacher on my end." She hears a scoff come from Saunders and she cannot suppress her shudder.

"What happened May 13?" the lawyer asks and it takes a few minutes for her to answer, her jaw just doesn't want to open anymore.  
"He asked me to stay after to talk about my paper. I did and asked Jessie if she could wait for me. He ran about ten minutes late, then poured me a glass of water that I took and drank. After a little while he called me 'his Juliet' and I realized that my head was starting to get fuzzy. He was looking at me in a way I never saw before, like he wanted me. I realized what was happening and excused myself and literally started to run away. Unfortunately whatever he put in the water was starting to affect me and I had trouble getting to the parking lot. Once I found Jessie I tried to tell her what was going on but she couldn't understand me. He appeared, knocked her out, then knocked me out. When I can to I was chained to a chair."

This last line comes out as a whisper and not even Ashley's brown eyes can keep her in the courtroom. She starts shaking her wrists a little again and starts rocking back and forth ever so slowly.

"Then what happened."

"He started telling me that he wanted us to run away together, that we belong to each other," Spencer's voice has lost all emotion, it sounds like she is reciting an event that happened in a story, but her eyes tell everyone it was only too real. "When I defied him and told him he was crazy he hit me and shoved a sock in my mouth, then he unchained me and I tried to make my escape but I couldn't. He threw me on the bed, ripped my clothes off and…and…and he raped me. He did it again immediately after when I would not tell him I enjoyed it. Over the next five hours he kept doing that to me until he decided he was hungry. He was gone for about an hour and I tried to find a way to escape, but I couldn't.

"When he returned he was furious that the cops were looking for us and I said something to send him over the edge. He left the room, and when he came back he had a knife. He got on top of me and began making cuts. He told me he wanted to make me hurt as bad as I made him. After eighteen I passed out. I woke up again and he had bandaged me. I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, which upset him so much he started hitting me in the face over and over again until my eyes nearly swelled shut."

"How long did this cycle go on?"  
"Thirty six hours. He would beat, rape or cut me, I passed out, he would treat me and tell me he loved me and then I would do something to piss him off again and the whole cycle reset."

"And-"

Suddenly everyone in the courtrooms attention is drawn to Ashley flailing in Arthurs arms "You fucking bastard!" Ashley yells, unable to hear any more of the disturbing events. She keeps struggling against the older man's hold not caring one bit that the judge is banging her gavel and calling for order.

"Bailiff, please escort the young lady out of my courtroom."

Arthur helps carry her out, apologizing to the judge. When they get out of the courtroom he sets the trembling brunette down, "While I completely understand the feeling, do you really think that was a wise decision?"  
"Yes," she spits, "You shouldn't have stopped me. I could have gotten to him before anyone else noticed."

"And what would you have done once you reached him?"

She glares at him defiantly, "I would have figured out something."

Arthur feels his lips pulling up and tries his hardest to fight it, "And how do you think Spencer feels with you not being in the courtroom anymore?"

At this the brunette deflates a little, "I just…" Arthur wraps her up in a hug as she breaks down, "I thought I knew what happened, but I wasn't ready for…for…that. When the doctor and detective showed pictures of her afterwards it was knowing she needed me to stay that kept me in my seat. I thought I was going to throw-up. I thought that would be the worst of it. But then…God, Spencer…"

Arthur keeps holding the tiny girl, "Afterwards, when Spencer came back home, her mother and I couldn't reach her at all, not even her brothers could. I don't even know if calling her a shell of herself is the right phrase. She was gone. So we decided to move, hoping that a fresh start away from people who knew what happened and places that triggered episodes would bring her back. I honestly think that it was you that made the difference, not the move. You reached her, and I can never thank you enough for that. But I can start by giving you some advice. Spencer is not the only one who needs to talk about all this. This is a big weight on your shoulders too, and there is no shame in finding someone you can confide in. I am sure Spencer would understand if you needed to tell someone a little of what is going on. Or you can talk to me, but I would understand if you felt awkward telling me about my own daughter."

Spencer finishes her testimony and is glad the defense attorney only had a few questions for her. She exits the courtroom quickly, barely registering her mother and brothers follow her out. When she enters the hallway she lets out a small sigh of relief seeing Ashley directly across from her. Without thinking she crosses over and buries her face the brunette's.

"So, that's it for today. The defense will present their case tomorrow," the DA says approaching the group.

"Do I have to be here for that?" Spencer asks meekly, still snuggled against Ashley.

"No, you do not have to be here again if you don't want to." She sighs in relief.

"We thought we would go to Andy's for dinner," Paula says soothingly.

Spencer lifts her head up a bit, "I'm not really hungry, but we can go if you guys are."

"How about you guys go get some food and I will take Spencer back to the hotel?" Ashley suggests.

Paula hesitates a moment, "Ok. We shouldn't be too long."

Spencer and Ashley enter their hotel room in silence, just like their car ride. Spencer sits on the nearest bed and pulls her knees to her chest as she leans against the headboard. She can feel Ashley watching her, can sense the brunette trying to find the words to say, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"The playlist. It made waiting bearable."

Ashley takes a seat next to the blonde, "Anytime." She goes to wrap her arm around Spencer and for the first time in a very long time Spencer tenses, causing the arm to freeze midway, "I know this is a stupid question, but what's wrong?"

"I just…seeing him…how can you still want me?"

Ashley blinks in utter confusion, "Huh?"

"He branded me, claimed me as his, made sure that no one else could ever want me, so how do you?"

"He did not claim you. I want you because I know you," Ashley tells her slowly, needing the words to sink in.

Spencer shakes her head violently and tears start streaming down her face, "You don't understand he…you don't really know me. If you knew…"

"Knew what?" she asks as softly as she can, scared Spencer is about to disappear behind her walls again.

"The first time…when he raped me…I enjoyed it."

After a minute of silence Spencer feels a gentle hand under her chin guiding her eyes to warm brown ones, "What the body does is not necessarily related to…your mental state. An orgasm is a physiological response to stimuli, and if he was able to…last and took the time to try and stimulate you it does not mean anything. I did some research when I figured out what happened to you, or what I was able to figure out anyways, and it is not all that uncommon for women to have an orgasm during rape. It does not mean you wanted it, that you liked it, just that your body acted like a body."

Spencer's body quakes, "That's not what he said. He told me it was proof I loved him, that I belonged to him and him alone."

Ashley leans in slowly and places a soft kiss on trembling lips, "You don't belong to anyone Spence."

Spencer returns the kiss and whispers, "Make him go away."

She feels Ashley freeze for a minute so she kisses the brunette again and doesn't let her pull away. Slowly Ashley begins to respond, deepening the kiss and pulling their bodies closer together. Spencer's tears keep falling and Ashley's lips leave hers so as to kiss them away. Gently she is maneuvered onto her back with Ashley hovering over her, lips moving lovingly together. When they break apart for air Spencer takes Ashley's hand and moves it to the hem of her shirt. The brunette takes a second to look intently into blue eyes before moving back enough to slowly slip the long sleeved shirt off the blonde.

"I'm sorry for the scars, I know they-"

She gets cut off by another kiss and sincere words, "What scars?"

Spencer feels Ashley's strong fingers stroking up and down her body, cup her bra-clad breasts softly causing her to moan into the brunette's mouth. When Ashley leans back again to remove the bra Spencer moves her own shaking hands to the brunette's shirt and starts to lift and Ashley helps before laying back down, eliciting a sigh from Spencer at the hot skin touching her own. Spencer feels Ashley's lips all over her, feels the way the rock star is worshipping her. Her back arches when Ashley's lips wrap around a nipple and her breath is started to get ragged. After giving each breast ample attention Ashley continues a path downwards, right to the top of Spencer's jeans. Ashley's eyes lock onto hers again and she nods her head at the unasked question.

She lays on the bed, completely naked with Ashley continuing to worship her. This time the brunette is making her way back up. Their lips reconnect as hands roam, inching closer to Spencer's core. When they are almost there she breaks the kiss long enough to whisper, "I love you," and then lets them wander through Spencer's wet folds, taking their time. Spencer moans again, louder, and starts to buck her hips. Almost painfully slow, Ashley moves her fingers across the blonde's clit, causing Spencer to buck her hips again. Ashley continues her ministrations, picking up the pace and moving her lips to the blonde's neck. It takes another minute or two before the pressure gets to be too much and Spencer lets out a strangled cry as her body releases. Ashley continues to stroke her softly, letting her ride out the orgasm. When she comes down and opens her eyes Ashley is stroking her face gently and looking at her with nothing but love. She leans her head up to capture those lips briefly, and as she lays back she says those words that have scared her for so long, "I love you Ashley."

The next day Spencer goes to the courthouse but not into the courtroom. Instead her and Ashley sit outside of it in each other's arms, waiting. They were assured that it would not be long after the defense rested that the verdict would be given, and Spencer did want to be present for that. She believed the attorney when he said it was an open and shut case, that the consent defense was ludicrous and would not sway any jury member for a second. Her family decided to go in, to hear what he had to say, she couldn't see what good could possibly come from that.

A couple of hours go by and her mother comes out to tell them the defense has rested. Most people weren't going too far, also anticipating a quick verdict, so Spencer follows her mother into the courtroom. _He _is still inside too, and when she enters she can instantly feel his eyes on her. Ashley's grip on her hand tightens and she gives her new lover a small smile.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Spencer spins quickly to see Saunders standing, pointing at her, completely livid. "How could you do this to me again? How can you continue to deny what we have?" His eyes switch over to Ashley, "You little whore. I don't know what you have done to confuse her, but I promise it is about to come to an end. I will give you more than a knock to the back of your head."

"If you lay one finger on her I swear to God I will kill you myself," Spencer hisses, taking a step forward and fixing him with the most hateful glare she can. The idea of anything happening to Ashley made something snap, snap back into place almost. She straightens her shoulders and tilts her chin up, a pose she hasn't assumed in a year, "I don't love you. I most certainly don't belong to you, neither now nor then. And when they read the verdict I hope you know this is the last time you will ever see me again."

As if on cue the Judge returns and she briefly locks eyes with Spencer before banging her gavel. Everyone takes a seat and Spencer keeps her eyes off of Saunders, but not so much out of fear this time. The jury files in, each face looking grim, it didn't even take them fifteen minutes.

"Foreman of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

"We have Your Honor. We find the Defendant, Chris Saunders, guilty on all charges."

**AN: I apologize if the sex scene didn't work. I did not originally plan on them having sex but felt it was needed once the time came. Like I said, one more chapter to wrap things up. **

**Also, here is a link to my friend's story that I really think anyone with the time should check out** .com/s/2994622/1/Gods_Ratcatcher


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry this took so long and is so short, but the story has run it's course. I hope this wraps things up well enough for everyone. Also giant thanks to those who have stuck with me over the last couple of years and my terrible updating habits. Another thanks to those who reviewed, favorited and alerted. I give you the conclusion.**

Ashley opens her mouth to shout 'fuck yeah' but is cut off by Saunders' screams, "Spencer! How could you do this to me? Spencer!" Ashley's eyes flit over to her lover and Spencer is stoically watching as Saunders is dragged off by two bailiffs.

"Now if only he could have gotten the death penalty," Paula whispers.

"I'm sure if I made a few phone calls I could find someone to take care of him," Ashley offers completely serious.

Paula is silent for a moment, "I'll let you know."

Ashley decides to treat that as a peace offering and hopes that things between the two of them get a little better. Despite allowing Ashley to accompany them to Ohio, Paula did not hide that she really didn't want to. The weeks leading up to their departure from LA Ashley practically lived with the Carlins. Paula kept the snide comments to a minimum, but the dirty looks didn't go anywhere. Ashley did her best to ignore them and focus on Spencer. When it came to the hotel room Ashley tried to pay for a room for her and Spencer, tried. Paula did say they could room together, with Glen.

The family makes it out of the courtroom and suddenly old friends have found the courage to approach. Ashley sticks close to Spencer's side and does her best to shield her new lover from too many questions. She notices blue eyes flicking across the hall for a few minutes and finally Spencer unclasps their hands.

"I'll be right back, there's something I really have to do."

Ashley watches with a furrowed brow as Spencer walks away from her to a cute red-head. Jessie, the ex. The rock star can feel her chest tighten as the two embrace and exchange smiles. When Jessie had taken the stand it was obvious she still cares deeply for Spencer, and Ashley cannot really fault her for that. But where Spencer's heart and mind lie are not so clear to her. She really does not know the first thing about the relationship, if Spencer ever told her 'I love you'. And if she had, does she still? The cliché is you never really get over your first love. That thought causes one emotion after another to race through her.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Ashley's eyes flick over to Glen. "About her and Jessica. They dated for a while yeah, but she cares more about you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I never hated Jessica for getting closer to Spencer than me." Ashley laughs. Things between her and Paula may not have changed much over the past few weeks, but her relationship with Glen has taken a drastic turn for the better. With all her time spent at Spencer's her interactions with the twin increased quite a bit and she found that Glen was trying to be friendly, which lead to an honest friendship. If Spencer was indisposed for some reason the two of them could talk about music or video games no problem. And then when Spencer would have a meltdown, there were more than a few before the trial, the two of them would talk her back. That sort of thing creates a very unique bond.

"It is oddly reassuring that I am the only one you have hated." They share a little laugh before Glen turns to a cousin or something who came over.

Five minutes later she is still staring, Spencer has not even looked at her. "Just go over there already."

Ashley turns to see Arthur's knowing smile, "I don't want to intrude…"

He gently swats her upside the head, "Don't pout, go over there."

She opens her mouth to protest the smack and accusation of pouting and he just raises an eyebrow. "I always assumed she got that from Paula," she mutters while turning around to walk across the crowded hall.

"You still have much to learn," he laughs.

Slowly she does as ordered. When she reaches the pair she does the awkward standing bit for a few seconds before Spencer notices her. The smile her approach earns banishes several, but not all, of her insecurities. Spencer reaches out her hand and Ashley takes it without a second thought. They share a soft smile before Spencer turns back to Jessica, "Jess, this is Ashley, my girlfriend."

Ashley catches the flash of sadness in the other girl's eyes, "It's nice to meet you. I'm glad Spencer found someone to help her through this."

"It's nice to meet you too," she tries to keep most of the jealousy out of her voice. Judging by the slight squeeze Spencer gives her hand she failed.

"So, umm, I should probably get going," Jessica says to break the awkward silence.

"Ok, but I meant it; we really should keep in touch. I will respond to your texts and Facebook messages this time." Ashley stays quiet. After Jessica has walked away Spencer turns those blue eyes on her quizzically, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a long day."

"Bullshit."

Ashley looks around the crowded hallway, "Can we go outside?"

Spencer nods her head and they leave the courthouse hand in hand. Spencer lets them walk about a block away before breaking the silence, "So what's going on?"

"I just…I realized that I know nothing about your relationship with Jessica. If you two ever… If you loved her…if you still love her," it all comes out as a whisper and she partially hopes Spencer didn't hear.

Spencer moves to stand in front of the brunette frowning, "Do you think I am gonna dump you and go back to her?" Ashley offers a weak shrug in response. "What would make you think that?"

Ashley sighs, "You asked me yesterday how I could want you, when really the question is why me? I'm kinda a mess, self-centered, arrogant, bit of a slut with a history of heavy drinking and LSD use. Jessica looks like she has her shit together and she clearly still cares about you. We slept together yesterday, and I'm not entirely sure what that means. I know what I want it to mean, but I…I've never done this before."

"Done what?"

"Fallen in love."

"It's pretty scary isn't it?"

"I'd classify it as downright terrifying."

Spencer laughs softly and steps up so their bodies are inches apart, "It's you, simple as that. You were exactly what I needed when I needed it, someone who wasn't trying to make me be Spencer Carlin of last year, just someone who cared about me. And it is going to be you for the foreseeable future so you better get over being terrified cause God knows how long I will be able to be the strong one in this relationship."

"Ok," they seal the promise with a soft kiss. "I suppose we should head back, I'm sure your parents want to head back to the hotel or food or something."

"Probably."

Arthur and Paula are waiting patiently at the bottom of the steps to the courthouse and both girls get swept up into a hug by Paula. Ashley freezes and looks at Arthur in confusion which he returns with a smile and a shrug. When the two get released Paula steps back and wipes a couple of tears from her eyes before speaking, "We haven't bought the plane tickets back to LA yet because we didn't know how long the trial would last or how long we would want to stay after. Arthur and I were talking about it and we decided it is really up to you Spencer when you want to head back."

Spencer leans into Ashley, "I'm ready to go home."


End file.
